mumbling...

9/01/2005 09:57:00 PM 2 Comments »
before i start, i would like to apologise on my last entry. as much as i dont like to explain myself, but i think some readers misunderstood what i was trying to say. the person mentioned was not you, or you, nope not you, definitely not you. no, no, it's not you. in most cases, those that i mentioned anonymously in my blog are those who do not know the existance of this blog, altho there are some exceptions, like 'that' girl, for example. if i refer to my friends, i tend to use their actual name, like ct, or liza, or nad etc. i really really love this blog, and i dont want it to hurt anyone's feeling, well, maybe if 'that' girl, i dont mind, altho actually i dont want to hurt 'that' girl's feeling, it was just a one off act of anger. no, liza, i dont mind people asking me about depression, i just said that it was weird and uncomfortable to have a discussion about it.

again, i love this blog, and i hate to explain myself, but i strongly want to be able to write here freely. i cant see any harm, what you read was exactly what i have in my mind at that moment, and i am not evil or dirty minded or criminally minded or busuk hati or suka buat fitnah. i just write what is in my mind. i never write about politics, or sexual fantasy, or evil plots, or religious thing. it is just a mind of a typical 20 something girl who is coping with the ups and downs of a typical unpredictable life.

it's normal when someone has the opposite opinion as the person who lives next to her; everyone's unique. it's impossible to live in a world where everyone share the same opinion. when i tak puas hati or terasa with someone, i think about it, maybe write it here in my blog, but i never say that i am a better person that my opinion is much much better compared to other's. buat ape nak kate kite bagus? it's like denying the hard facts of statistic. so, what i'm trying to say is that this blog is my place, for my thoughts, as much as i like to ignore what other people think about this blog, i cant, so please dont be overly sensitive, this blog is not for me to kutuk people that i tak puas hati to, it is a place for me to reflect on my thoughts. full stop.

ok, shall we start now.

went to work this morning to find several huge pile of papers on my desk. yup, now i have my own desk, with my own pc. b4 this i had to tumpang pc sape2 yg free, tempat tuh miskin nk wat camne, but i only come to work once a week, so i dont mind that much. now, basically, since i do miscellaneous job there, they give me a pc and a table lah. i still summarise medical notes, as well as put the hospital letters' data into the computer, various lab results as well, ecg, xray etc. sometimes i do secretary's job as well, like writing the referral letter, but since i only work 6 hours a day, i barely have time to do that.

so basically i do the other stuff leftovers lah. they just put stuff on my desk, and i'll come once a week to tidy things up. yup, i tidy things up, and it is exhausting. but i like my job. i feel needed. it's like my job is to fill up the blanks and i like that. and i learn a lot as well. i think soon they'll teach me how to do templates and referrals. wish i could work more than 6 hours, but i know my priority is my study. altho the workplace is old, bangunan buruk betul, the stuff are friendly. but since i come only once a week, to do a huge pile of work in 6 hours, i dont find time to borak2 much. they said it's perfectly ok for them, as they like me to finish my work.

i found out that i'm prone to feel down. small things can bring me down. but i also found out that i'm good at comforting myself. small things can cheer me up. nobody can cheer me up except myself, and i know i have to remain calm and not panic, then i'll be fine. good :)

one of the dearest person in my life is struggling at the moment and i'm worried. i really wish that i can be there for them physically, but i cant. just to let you know that you're in my mind always, and in my prayers as well. do take care, be strong, and i'm here always for you to reach me anytime.

what else? oh ssm or 4th year options. i seriously take one step at a time, and now i'm a bit unsure about the options. i got about 2 weeks to decide 3 options. i know it was radiology that i was fond of in the past, but somehow i lost interest in that area. i have decided on 1 option tho, not in a million years that i thought i would be interested in this area, i choose palliative medicine. it is a branch of medicine that concerns of end of stage of disease, when there is no cure or treatment available, it provides the best support for the patient to feel the best comfortable end of life stage. gosh. i am a different person now.

for the rest of the options, i'm thinking of obstetrics. hmm a tough choice this one. i dont like gynae, and i absolutely dislike children, but somehow i think that i need to have enuff obstetric skill to be a better doc. 6 weeks in delivery suite? kene pk dulu. i like doing a gp option, but normally you have to arrange that privately, and since i only take one step at a time (confirm pass exam dulu), so i didnt arrange one. what else? i like to do 1 easy and relaxing stuff like complementary medicine, but somehow i'm a bit enthusiastic of medicine at the moment, so i'm not sure about that. arghh kene pk lagih.

ok, got to watch House now (it's a tv series). have a nice day. and you take care :)

2 comments:

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DeLiRiuM said...

Who/what the heck is phentermine?

And I missed House! And the last 15 minutes of Lost. So will HAVE to watch more telly over the next week...

Anyways, your blog is your own private space. What you write or choose not to write is entirely your own decision and nobody else has the right to dictate otherwise.