feeling shite

12/30/2009 04:07:00 PM 0 Comments »

bloody moody

rase nak maki org je

even better if i could just kill someone

really hate the last posting. damn glad it's over

need to restrain myself from bitching. moody + bitching = so so not good

need to face-masking for one more day. not literally, you idiot

really really have this urge to go and strangle and stab someone. damn i left the one and only knife at the previous posting flat

well god's work has many ways..

just one more day elly.. just one more day before you can shut yourself from the world

29 things about hubby

12/27/2009 03:26:00 PM 1 Comment »
today has been a good day, so naturally i feel the urge to write and blog. i wont write about my day, but this is something that i've been wanting to write about for some time.

one of the blogs that i regularly visit wrote on 30 facts about her husband on her husband's 30th birthday. so i thought it would be a nice thing to write about. this friend's friend's blog is a pretty one, and her english command is very good, and that's the main reason why i like to visit her blog. plus from her blog, i can imagine that she's a very nice lady.

anyway, here goes, i've been thinking about the 29 things about my hubby for quite some time. btw, his birthday was on the 25th of november, so happy belated birthday hubby :)

1) hubby was born at machang, kelantan. he's very proud to be a kelantanase, and this annoys me a little bit as i myself dont have a specific place/state that i can called home (born at kedah and was brought up in many, many places). he knows about this, so he likes to tease me every now and then, and said silly, unthinkable, impossible stuff like 'kat kelantan mane ade nyamuk!' when i complained about the mosquitoes while at kelantan

2) he went to sekolah sains selangor at cheras from form 1 til form 5. he was the best spm student in his batch

3) he went to university of warwick, uk under petronas scholarship where he studied computer engineering (but i forgot his minor! sory honey..)

4) hubby is not a fussy person, especially in terms of his meals. he eats whatever i cook, and he also doesnt mind if we eat out, like every day. he doesnt have any particular fav food, anything i serve on the table he will eat it haha

5) he loves his family so much, especially his mother. i couldnt understand it at first, but after knowing his mother aka my mother-in-law, now i can understand why hubby loves this very warm-hearted woman, who is so kind and loving, and treats me like her own daughter. she is a great woman and now i love her like my own mother

6) hubby's secret passion is to comb my hair (hihi). he would carefully brush my newly washed hair so carefully, like combing a doll's hair haha. one reason why i keep my hair long..

7) when i first met him, he was about 65kg, and was quite fit. now he weighs about 85kg hihi. not that it bothers me as i would still love him no matter what his size is, but i'm kinda worried about his health

8) he doesnt like crocs, no matter how much i promote it to him, i even offered to buy him one, but he refused it flat

9) he is actually a good cook, but quite a messy person at the kitchen, and that's the main reason why i keep him away from the kitchen!

10) he is very brave and doesnt believe in ghosts. but he does believe in politics which is one of the things i dont like about him huh. no one's perfect huh, not that i was trying to find one

11) he used to play football/futsal a lot, but then he injured one of his knees (forgot which one! hihi) + gained some weight, so he doesnt play sport anymore. but he does jog every now and then

12) he doesnt mind spending on beauty products. for me, mind you haha. whenever my cleanser, or moisturiser, or toner, or compact powder etc abis, i would just mention it to him and he will buy it for me. he even pays for my facials. he really stresses on having a clear, pimple-free face for his wife. which is hard for me, cos my skin is not the easiest to take care of.. but i do try my best huh

13) he's very (9999x) passionate about 2 things in this world: cars and computers. he would miss his meals, ignored any phone calls, tak mandi, tak makan when he's 'in the zone' with his computers or his beloved car. i think he would also ignore if there's a naked lady laying in front of him if he is in the middle of doing his obsessed work huh

14) i just discovered about this like very recently, that he likes to match the colour of his shirt with mine. which is so unexpected! apparently he has been doing this for a long time, it is just me who didnt realise it before. like if i wear red shirt, he would find a red shirt to wear it also. and he'll wear orange if i wear orange too haha

15) hubby is the least romantic person that i know of, which is totally fine with me as i'm also a non-romantic person and doesnt like jiwang2 stuff. but he does like to surprise me every now and then, and this pleases me tremendeously hehe

16) he likes music, but doesnt actually play any musical instrument. he listens to a variety of music, a wide range one too, varying from rocks and pops, to dondang sayang haha

17) did i mention that he's very2 good with computers? he does like computers a lot, and he owns a computer engineering degree, but he is also naturally talented with computers. his friends would send him computers and laptops for him to fix, and he would be more than happy to do it for free

18) he worries about me, but he also knows that i hate people, especially him to worry about me, so he tends to not show his worries in front of me

19) he's the only person in the world who can handle me, and gives advices that i actually listen to. that's a very very rare ability indeed

20) he's very good with children, which is quite the opposite of me haha. he can layan children better than me, and he can layan children's karenah easily. i think now we know who would be the one who wakes up in the middle of the night to tend our crying child haha

21) according to him, he said he used to have girlfriends before knowing me, but he never mentions anymore than that, no matter how hard i try. he said i was his first serious gf and the first to be brought home and introduced to his family. i dont care much about his past anyway, so not knowing his past gfs doesnt bother me much

22) he owns 2 cactuses that he takes good care of. he doesnt owns any pet though, and i think he is never a fan of pets anyway. but now he has to like pets, as i plan to take care of my two adopted turtles as long as they live! hihi

23)he owns one of the most perfect natural eyebrows ever, i tell you. it's my favourite of the many features that i like about him. mmg perfect, symmetrical, takyah nak pluck2, mmg elok aje bentuknye i tell you huh

24) he likes me to dress up and wears make-ups, which is ok for me since i like it too. and he would comment on the dress i wear if he thinks it's not suitable for the occasion, which i find it odd, cos he himself is not a fashion-concious person, but when it comes to me, he would prefer for me to wear nice things. which is fine with me as i can now have excuses to buy more nice clothes or even better, ask him to buy me more! haha

25) he trusts me a lot, and gives me a lot of freedom. like he allows me to pursue my ambition, allows me to drive alone at night, allows me to make many, many decisions by myself. which is why i love him even more. i do need my space

26) most of his clothes were bought with me. like i mention, he's not a fashion-concious person, and he prefers to leave all the fashion-related decision to me. this i dont like. cos i'm not very good with male fashion. it's like an alien terratory, cant compared with female's fashion at all

27) he sometimes calls me 'tapir', and i call him 'monyet'. there's a story behind the names, but it would be too long to write it here hehe

28) one of his first present to me was a gray teddy bear, which i owns it till now. i bring this teddy bear to almost everywhere i go, even the flight journey to and forth kl-uk. but now the teddy, which i infamously named 'ismail', is a little abandoned since i got married, since now i got my own real-life teddy bear! tee hee hee

29) finally.. (run out of idea already) he and i got to know each other when we both went to the same a-levels college at lembah beringin. we didnt know each other existance initially, we only got to know after he joined my group for a camping trip. and the rest is history

oklah, this takes a lot longer than i previously anticipated. think i'll read a bit before heading to la la land. adios

exhausted

12/26/2009 04:22:00 PM 0 Comments »
no matter how tired and exhausted the body is, work is always a priority..

just came back from a 7-hour journey and go straight to work..

drove to kl this weekend, and yup, i was travelling alone. i almost always travel alone. dont think it bothers me much, well not as much as other people who seem to concern (bother/busybody) about me travelling alone huh

anyway, it wasnt a planned trip. poor youngest bro had an emergency operation to remove a certain cancer, and it was a malignant one. it was diagnosed last weekend. yup, people as young as their 20s can get cancer nowadays. poor him. the whole family was very worried. i was a bit sebak while driving down to kl on thursday, i told myself that no matter how far my family is, if they're in trouble and need my presence, i'll be there. 500km is nothing. i'll drive even if it's 1000 or 2000km. my family, my loved ones, they're always and will always be my priority.

i was always worried sick about my family when i was in the uk. my worst fear was that if there was anything bad occured to my family, i wouldnt have enough time to go back. the quickest i can get back would take me at least 24 hours, that is to arrange for the flight, even the flight alone takes at least 13 hours the quickest. imagine if anything bad, emergency, unplanned event occur to your family, and you couldnt be there on time. it would be the worst nightmare ever.

i guess those who never live that far apart from their loved ones wouldnt understand that.

that's why whenever my loved ones needed my presence, i'll drive/take the bus/flight or even run if i have to, to go back home asap. cos time is precious. you never know how long the time left that you have to spend with your loved ones before you or your loved ones' ajal arrive..

anyway, the operation went smooth and lil bro is now resting and recuperating in a hotel somewhere in kl, with my mum. my dad took care of everything, from the hosp bill to the hotel bill, although he couldnt be there personally (he's in china for work currently). lil brother went to see not one, but 2 specialists from 2 different private hosps for a fast and hopefully an accurate consultation. appointment was gained at the very same day and operation was done all within the same week. i cant help but to wonder how long the waiting list would be if he went to a government hosp. no, dont get me wrong, i think the government docs and hosps are as good and thorough as the private ones, but the waiting lists can be really long. not just the operation waiting list, but also the specialist appointment. at least it will take a few months. well, that's the reality, and it is no one's fault. the public aka the government hosps are still limited in terms of numbers compared to the population demands.

anyway, i should continue my work. penatnye badan! and also my eyes, my hands, my feet and also my mind and my soul.. i'm so exhausted...

long time passion

12/14/2009 02:49:00 PM 1 Comment »

aerodynamicist

such a cool job title

whoever loves F1 must know who mike gascoyne is. he's one of F1's most renowned technicians, having previously worked for reynault and toyota F1 team, and he used to work as a aerodynamicist for the mclaren team upon finishing his phd in fluid dynamic at cambridge university, i think. how cool is that

and he's now the chief technical officer for lotus f1 team, also known as 1malaysia f1 racing team.

super cool!

then today they announced the 2 new drivers for the team, 2 well-known, experienced f1 drivers, jarno trulli and heikki kovalainen.

triple coolness!

i'm an avid f1 fan. or i used to be one. hubby introduced it to me some time ago and he explained a lot about the rules, the strategies, the technical parts, from the role of the tyres to the role of the weather and everything else, and i'm hooked since then. i would never missed a single race, and would literally be glued in front of the tele huh

but since coming back from the uk, i have other priorities that need to be paid attention to, so i seldomly got to watch the race. but i do keep up-to-date about the f1 world, mainly from the internet. hubby has stopped following the f1, he said nowadays it has been tinted with much politics and money and has lost its sport appeal, but for me, i still find f1 fascinating. we even went to see f1 race once at sepang, and it was such a memorable experience.

anyway, i am now very excited about the development of the new 1mf1 lotus team. not just because it's a malaysian team, but i can feel the potential. obviously i'll also be watching other teams like mclaren (now that it has such great 2 british drivers - button and hamilton), but definitely not ferrari. i can understand the attraction, but i tend not to go for too commercialised team, furthermore they had now ditched raikkonen for alonso (what were they thinking!!), lagilah malas nak tgk haha.

i feel so much enlightened by all these news, i decided it is worth for an entry on my blog.

long live f1!

self-evaluation of stressed situation (bapak skema tajuk, but it's quite the right title)

12/11/2009 11:13:00 PM 0 Comments »

guess what? i've got diarrhoea pulak. along with 3 other of my groupmates. ade pelik sket, i've got almost no abdo pain, just watery diarrhoea. they suspect it is something contagious, but then mine was a bit delayed compared to others. dono *shrugs*

anyway, i should have known this would happen. i think the nearer i am to the finals, my body system seems to go haywired. last time when i had my finals, i got shingles. shingles is not kayap ok, it's a result of the remnants of chicken pox virus. i had chicken pox before, but it was way years before, like when i was in standard 2? so that was like 20 years ago. then besides that i got quite a bad neck eczema that stucked there for more or less 4 months. self reminder: to take care of my neck skin more cautiously this time around..

anyway, hope i can get through all these. hope things are not getting worse. just one thing, besides the diarrhoea, my mouth taste like s*** (like i know how that's taste like haha). i'm soo nauseous. buat ku terpk.. adakah ini rasenye when i get pregnant? tak bestnye! so so rase nak muntah, cannot drink plain water at all, can only yg berperisa ones.

and those maxolon tabs (went to see dr yesterday) makes my body weak throughout. dono why la. but it does lessen the nauseousness..

and for those concerned.. i aint pregnant.. not a chance.. just to let you know..

but with all these stresses, my period has also gone haywired. cannot plot any cycle anymore. aiyo..

a few weeks back some of my friends said to me that they were amazed to see how calm and unstressful i was about the finals, well compared to the others, they said. well, they have nooo idea whatsoever what will happen when i'm stressed out. i try, the best i can, to avoid being stressfull. i do my job, have my own schedule, do this and that, all in my own time and place. just like someone just mentioned to me last week, 'a one man soldier'. i think it's true, although i never think of that phrase before.

so when this last couple of weeks when some of us had to live together, as in sleep right next to each other, eat everything together, everything together-gether, i feel restricted, suffocated. like why the hell are you in front of my face everyday? i see you, you see me. do this together, do that together. i like to do things on my own. i need my space!

then i started to stress out. when i stressed out, i dont think i'm that a good person. in fact, i'll be vain. i'll be moody. trying in vain to keep things to myself. but when you live where everything is together-gether, this is impossible. and to make things worse, i'm also, what some people said, quite (very) self-cautious. i tend to avoid this thought usually by maintaining a good distance from everybody else. but when you live like together-gether, i start to think what other people would think of me. i'll be like 'oh i should not be that moody, what would other people think of me? i should be more socialable', then my other head would said 'what the hell? who are they to ask you too many questions and be in such close proximity with you and invade you privacy? you should act what you feel like.'

then i became all stressed out. god knows how grateful i am to own a car. i cant thank enough of my dad for giving me a car, although i bet he doesnt have a clue how big role is my car to me. when i'm all stressed out, i would just leave. drive away and be as far away from those who are in close contact to me before. then after i've gained my senses, i'll return back. then the next day, it'll happen all over again. sigh.

it's weird isnt it? some people like the together-getherness. some people go to class together, wait each other, then eat together, study together, hang-out together. some even go to holiday together with each other, masak2 together. i just cant. i cant even stand spending a few hours with my own relatives during hari raya. there's nothing wrong with them, i just hate the questions-answers part. i would feel like 'why are you asking me these questions? and why do i have to answer all these questions?'

my own family? it's difficult to answer. i cant hate them because i love them too much. and they know me, so they dont ask that many questions. and because they know me, they dont ask that many questions, got it? the first one because they would have known the answer of their questions already since they're close family, or usually i've informed them earlier. the second one, they dont ask that many questions because they know i would not like to be questioned at. got it?

anyway, what about hubby? he's, what you say, a total exception. he broke all the rules in my life. weird, i dont know how that happen tho, seriously. with him, i dont mind spending my whole day staring at his face haha. with him, i dont mind hanging out, day and night, what i say, together-gether haha. he's one weird species i tell you. i cannot apply any of my so-called rule on him. like i'm this one independent woman who drives herself, do shopping herself, watch movie herself, carry groceries herself, but with him, i'd like to be taken care of. i even ask him to carry my handbag when we go out. so so weird la.

anyway, dah terlari topic plak. my point is that i'm a one man (or woman) soldier, who lives with my own rigid rules of life, either conciously or subconciously (altho one human so far doesnt apply to it). and when these rules are broken, or shaken, my head (and body system) can get haywired and will start to stress out and malfunction. (hmm i make it sound like a robot pulak haha). anyway, i do like my friends, i think generally they're nice people, they are like other normal people with feelings and emotions, and variable personalities (so true). so with this, i'm not blaming anyone. not me, not you. you build your personality based on your background experience, and so do i. i turned out like this because my family itself is a 'one family soldier' and we dont interact much with our relatives and neighbours. plus i had a 7 years experience of living all by myself, so obviously i cannot that easily to let other people into my life. so for this, i rest my case. hope now my head can be calm, and hopefully, function well. also hope that now my body can function well too.

huh it feels so much relief to let it out of my chest. i definitely need this, at least i know my head and body need this kind of evaluation. weird stuff i tell you!