8/31/2005 08:19:00 PM 0 Comments »
chronic rhinitis. that was what the doc told me this afternoon. he prescribed me with a steroid spray and told me i have to take this regularly from now on, he even printed out a repeat prescription form for me to renew my prescription next time. the last doc told me it was sinusitis. as what ct used to say, if the management is the same, why bother with the diagnosis. true true (you can imagine me nodding 'yup. yup'). so i got another regular drug to take.

i couldnt sleep last night. it was too hot. i was too hot (ie panas doh.. not 'that' hot). it was that once in a month thingy, in the middle of the cycle (i got a hunch that azali is not keen for the word 'ov****ing' here.. kuno nk wat camne. he wont say anything, but he would just leave this :( sign. whatever). i just knew that i have a 32-day cycle. hmm.. good for future family planning HAHA not funny.

i cant fully dorsiflex my right foot. there is a superficial abrasion on the skin surface of my right Archilles tendon and it still hasnt healed. bloody hell. why does my Archilles tendon skin so fragile? senang sgt luka. brp byk plaster guna huh.

today i received something that i've waited for 2 years. it was a long wait huh. there's no use to regret of the past, these days i like to look at the brighter side, and take one step at a time. i learnt a lot for these past 2 years. mostly about life (wooo, deeepp elly, deeep haha). and i cant see the use of me mumbling about it here, but basically i feel like i'm on track again. life is a journey. i hope i have learnt my lesson, and now i'm on track again. full stop.

i discover that depression is contagious. to quote from liza, 'you know depression, elly'. it's not something that i'm proud of, but i do know depression. it's weird when someone asked me about depression and how i managed them. it's not something that is easily discussed, nor that it is comfortable to discuss. to quote from a friend who once told me, 'hanging out with you makes me more depressed', so i think it's true that depression is contagious. that's one of the reason why i dont feel comfortable sharing my thoughts and feeling nowadays. i tend to keep it myself. sometimes i tell my other half, and it makes him depressed as well (tho he denies it). i expect the rock of my life to be strong, but no one is perfect.

anyway, i can say now that i dont have depression. maybe, sometimes, i do feel low, and having a low mood, even a very low one, it is not the same as depression. cos if you do have depression, you will not even talk to me, or to any other people. i knew someone who is eager to be diagnosed as having depression (??). maybe having a medical term named on one's condition and symptoms makes one feels better. and i oppose taking antidepressants. donno why, maybe becos of personal experience. so whenever you feel down/low/depressed, just say to yourself that it is low mood, not depression, and low mood is pretty common, and you'll be fine. try to think of something happy whenever you feel low. like me, i like to think of my future wedding as my happy thought (abis pecah rahsia haha).

sorry i choose not to share my feeling and thoughts. sorry for those who worry of me. sorry for the lies. it wasnt intentional. i just dont want people to worry about me.

hey, today supposed to be a happy day, so cheer up mate!

lawak of the day: i told sayang that if he wants to give anything to me, just give it to kak lysa, my sis, who is going to contact ellina, to kirim some barang for me here. ellina is my housemate who is in mesia at the moment and will return to uk this mid sept. then sayang asked for ellina's hp number in mesia, i asked why, he said, 'saja nak kacau tunang org hehe'. think i better keep my other stunning housemates for myself, thank you very much :p

i still got 4 merdeka days left before i register this monday. i look forward for the future, cant wait !!