bersantai di pantai yang indah la la la
today's weather is so fine, a little bit of sun and some wind, so i decided to go to the beach after work, it's just a mere 100m away from where i work. i went there yesterday too actually, but today i brought my camera with me, it's fun to act like a tourist once in a while hehe. i miss having a picnic, not sure who wants to join me, am too embarass to ask, so i thought what the hell, i might just go and have a picnic myself haha! along with my camera, i bought yesterday's leftover's pasta goreng, some sweets and chocos and some drinks. plus an obs & gynae book hehe dont ask me why. so i just sat there on the warm and as-soft-as-velvet sand, with today's metro underneath my bum, got enough food and drink and i feel bless. ahhh bless..
nothing much happen nowadays. i go to work twice a week and tomoro i'll be having an interview to get my national insurance number. i'm not sure what they'll ask, it's just something that my boss wants me to get, but since in their letter saying that the interview will last 1 hour minimum, gosh, what will they ask? i thought they just want to see my passport, uni letter, work offer letter. hmm..yus said not to worry about it and advised me to dress casual. fine..
my mood isnt in its best either. things got quite complicated lately and as a result, i somehow lost (again) the will to live. i also become super duper sensitive with the people around me. at the same time i'm very very pissed with myself for being soo thick and soo weak. thick and weak. thick and weak. thick and weak. thick. weak. when i hate someone, i just avoid them. but when you hate yourself so very much, there's nothing much you can do with it. i used to starve myself as a punishment cos, er, i hate myself so very much but i cant do that now for various reason. and this time i found it hard to share it with someone. somehow this time it felt more personal and private. the only person that i want to share it with is 11 000km away from me :( i want him here NOW