it's sunday night already..

10/31/2004 09:08:00 PM 0 Comments » fast time flows eh...and it's monday tomorrow. had a nice weekend, a relaxing one. i didnt do much, especially today when i know i have an extra hour to spare, as they begin to change to winter time. talked to my dear jiman and kak lysa this afternoon, it was good to talk to them. jiman is such a good brother, he never fail sending me kad raya + small presents every year. i am the closest to him after my mum, i know he looks up at me. kak lysa said that i was the only one in our siblings who can live together with jiman without getting to each other's nerves. maybe it was because we grew up together, went to school together or maybe because we are both Leos. dono, maybe we are just compatible.

everytime b4 my menstrual period, my emotion become unstable, ie pms la. sometimes i get annoyed so easily, the other time i get so riang gembire tak tentu pasal, and sometimes i just want to be left alone and dont want to talk to anyone. and sometimes i get too excessively emotional. that is what exactly happen to me right now. i was listening to lionel richie's Still when suddenly i burst into tears (...). i was doing my weekly food shopping the other day in Tesco and saw a bottle of milk and remembered kak lysa who really like milk and i got tears in my eyes. being in Tesco alone made me sad too, as me and azali tend to go shopping at Tesco in coventry. one simple thing leads to other events and so on and b4 i could control it, it happen. i dont know, i suddenly feel soo sad, i can even feel as if my chest remuk to thousand pieces, more or less like that lah. same thing happen to me whenever, wherever i see any old people. i just want to help them in any possible way. mind you, i didnt view them as those who need my help, but i just care about them soo much. overflowing emotion, i might say..

i always have a soft spot towards old people. i mean really old people, like 60++ in age. i dont know why, but they are the first group of strangers who i really care, genuinely (remember my 'i dont care, i dont want to care' blog? haha). one thing i like in medicine is that most of the patients are old people. i dont know, i just care about them. i can speak to them for hours, hear their stories and smile to them from the bottom of my heart. from their silver hair, nice rimmed glasses to their fluffy bedroom slippers, i like these people. their smell didnt bother me a bit. i think they are idols; to have lived to their age and survived this mad world, i salute them. i'm beginning to consider geriatric as my option in the future..

look, i do care about other people. i know my previous entry has been a bit harsh, but at least i was being honest. like oja said, i care about other people but i tend not to show it. and i like to be in control of my decision. i want to choose those who i want to care, and i want to decide whether they can care for me or not. like that annoying girl from my hospital group who i once wrote in this blog, she's ok actually, except that she assumed that we were best friends. i can accept the fact that we are friends, but please dont overdo it, terkinja2 want to be my friend, i seriously dont like that. i'm the kind of person who need to have my own space. and i choose my friends, sound a bit harsh huh. what if that chosen person dont want to be my friend? i'm totally fine with that, honestly, no hard feeling at all, as it's your decision. tak lose ape2 pun.

good nite everyone