12/27/2003 11:35:00 PM 0 Comments »
alo alo alo

sory lame tak tulih anything kat this blog. quite occupied, i might say. went to london last week to huda's. enjoyed my time there for a week, then went back to newcastle to receive some guests from belfast. then azli went on staying with me for a week b4 returning to belfast this morning. bless her. bless all my frens who made my life brighter.

i used to hate Friends (i mean, the comedy series). i also used to hate movies/series which based on frenship. for me, the only thing/person that you can really rely on is your family. cause they're your blood. you've known them all your life. although i am aware that family can also betray each other, but my family is everything to me. my family is my world. and my world is my family. my small family: mum, dad, kak lysa, jiman and iwan. we used to moved around soo many times and we stick to each other through thick and thin. i can trust a fren, but not as much as i trust my family. i can love and care for a fren, but it's nothing much compared to the love for my family. a few years ago, a 'fren' used to tell me that she will do anything for her frens. like if her frens terjun lombong, she will follow them, if it's required for her to save her beloved frens. hmm...not me huh. dont think i'll do that. i will help others if it doesnt burden me. a fren used to tell me i'm selfish. hm..true in some way, harsh though. well that's me, i guess. blame it to my upbringing, blame it to the dark times at mrsm taiping. blame it to a fren's betrayal, blame it to a fren's hypocracy. life is not easy, and i have to stand on my own feet to survive. i can never trust, love a fren as much as i know it should be.

and here i am. in a faraway place on my own. the only person, my family, whom i trust and love is too distant. ppl used to tell me i'm a strong, individual and independent type of person. they told other ppl that if i were to be left alone in a remote place, i can and will survive. and here i am. precisely. except that i'm not that strong, individual maybe, and still trying, but failing, to be independent. and without the only support that i trust, cherish most, i'm useless. defenceless. loss.

this year is a bad one for me. 2003. unlucky huh. bad, maybe worst year for me. too much dissappointment, frustation, heartaches. didnt even expect to see 2004. but here i am. at the near end of 2003. i survived. how? why? with my frens' support, love and trust. dont think i can survive without them. my family is still there for me, and will always be there for me, but now i can have more. i have my frens now.

fren, thanks for a wonderful time at london. you are yourself, which i like best about you. fren, thanks for flying from belfast and stay with me at newcastle. a week with you meant a lot for me, believe me. and a bunch of frens at newcastle, thanks. special thanks to my comel housemate. you helped me more than you realised (esp today! hehe). not forget my special fren kat machang, kelate. you brighten my life, everyday.

to all my frens out there, million thanks.