My World

currently no mood to do anything. plus the weather macam sejuk semacam aje. off the fan pun still sejuk gak. ni belum mandi lagi nih, it's almost 9pm and i know the later it is, the colder it becomes. mmg kene mandi gak, since this morning tak mandi haha pecah rahsia. no one in the room currently, as both of roomies went back home for the weekend. boring!

hubby is currently not well so takleh nak kacau die. he must be sleeping right now after amik all the meds. rest well dear..

hmm rase bosan katak alone in the room ni la kete takde so takleh kuar pie mane2. my car is currently at bengkel kete since yesterday. this time it's the turbo thingy that got damaged. they got to order a new one that hopefully will arrive tomoro. i told abah all these (as he's the one who's going to pay it all so he deserves to know) on wednesday night when i first noticed the condition of the car. and the next morning i called him just to find him at..

..the perodua shop to buy me a new car! he asked me what colour i would want my viva to be and i was like 'huh?'. he told me the choices of colour they have but i just couldnt register anything in my brain. he then said he would call again later. after about half and hour, ie after my brain started to function, i called my bro, iwan. he said everything is sorted and they have decided on a light green colour and that the car will soon arrive on the day after tomoro. again i was like 'huh?'. he said mama was the one who got annoyed with the condition of my kancil and decided there and then to replace it with a new car. wah so easy aa? like buying ikan kat pasar huh?

later in the afternoon abah called and asked me to choose the plate number for the car. he gave about 13 three-digit numbers and asked me if any of them has any significance on me. for the third time, i was like 'huh?'. he then suggested the number 297 since it's close to his car number ie 397. i said whatever la abah, you choose lah. so in less then a day, i found out that i would soon own a viva auto, light green in colour, with the plate number of CCC 297.

what the hell. as grateful as i am with the new car, but what is this all about? i didnt ask for a new car. i still love my kancil. i know it's old, and secondhand, well in fact 4th-hand, but it is indeed my first ever car. i bought it (well abah bought it) when it was so ugly and unkempt, then it slowly transformed into a sweet, cute car as it is today. i chose a new colour of the car myself, chose the tyres myself, learn on how to check minyak hitam, minyak gear, minyak break and air radiator. i chose the radio myself and installed 2 new speakers, chose the car accesories, the cushion covers, the lapik kaki dlm kete, and it's all, as usual, colour-coordinated.

but as i mentioned b4, it was abah who bought the kancil. so he has the right to do whatever he wants with the car. i just hope the next owner will appreciate the car as i do. as much as i love my kancil, i just have to accept that our jodoh is not that long. hmm not sure how should i mourn..

anyway, i dont want to sound as if i'm an ungrateful person. i should be happy for receiving a brand new car. i do, it's just that i dont understand why people like to spend a lot on me. like abah who pays everything for my education. and now pays for my car? like mama who spent thousands on my wedding dresses, when she knows i would only wear it once and that i would never be able to pay her back? like hubby who spends thousands to marry me, when he knows i cant live with him at this moment? like my wedding guests who would drive hundreds of kilometres just to see me as a bride? like my uncle, my sister, my brothers and my friends, who had spent money, time and energy and everything that they could give, just to see me happier, and better in many ways. and what i do not, and cannot understand, is that why did they do it? why were they willing to do it for me? did it worth it? to do it for me? do i worth that much?

i found all these very confusing. but at last, i think, i found a conclusion. that everyone who love and care for me have a greater faith on me than myself. they value me more than i value myself. they appreciate me more than i appreciate myself. they believe in me more than i believe myself.

hmm. ok. hmm. now.. how should i love myself more?