My World

how can it be like this? how did it turn out like this? sigh... am talking about my wedding..

it supposed to be a simple and straighforward event. simple yet nice. nice meaning nice to my eyes ie it is done according to my taste, my choice. that's it. and it happens to be that my choice of a wedding is a simple, yet nice wedding. that's all. is it too hard to ask?

i've blogged about my dream wedding in previous posts, i've slow-talked my parents about it since i got engaged, meaning since 4 years ago, i've been constantly telling everyone about what kind of wedding that i have dreamt about, yet no one seems to listen or understand. which part of it that is so hard to understand?

i dont want insignificant people to come to my wedding. insignificant people that meant nothing to me to come and show off their faces at my wedding. it's supposed to be MY day, my happy day, and why should these people who bring nothing but pain and suffering in my life to come and be a guest at MY day? and since people who are significant to my life happen to be quite limited, hence the small, simple, yet nice wedding event. is it too difficult to understand?

significant people meaning my friends, whoever they are, regardless of status or rank or whose father is a datuk or a farmer, who brought me joy, helped, supported and held my hands (not literally lol) when i have tears in my eyes, no matter in happiness or sadness, who taught me invaluable lessons about life that made me who i am today, friends who accept me just the way i am, friends who are meaningful to me, not just everyday friends. significant people meaning my aunt, who raised me like her own daughter for a whole year when my own mother had to fulfill her duty as a wife to my father that brought her to follow him to the opposite side of the world. my cousin who acted like a big brother to me when i have none myself. my uncle who came and saw me immediately when he heard about the unfortunate news about me and offered his help. these people are significant to me.

not a classmate who i had never talked to. not a friend who i had not been in contact for 10 years. not an aunt who came to my engagement event and ruined it all by commenting on my swatch and said it was not suitable and lady-like enough for the event, then forcing me to wear all the barang kemas that my mum had, then asked me to take off my colourful socks (it's my event, so i chose what i want to wear, you old bitch). or an aunt who would say, either i'm fat or tanned (gelap) without fail everytime i come to see her. or a cousin who commented on my fiance's family by saying 'awat tunang ko and famili die nampak cam org kampung je?' and looked at me sengih2. what the hell?

it's just happened also that i am the kind of person who keep grudges. so there you go.

so i'm kinda sad, angry, and frustated, when dad decided to sewa a bus for the whole of his relatives from kuala selangor to come to kuantan. plus sewakan rumah lagi for the whole lot. to be frank, i dont like my relatives, generally. there are good aunties, uncles and cousins, who i would like very much to see them come to my wedding, and these people would come because they want to come and see me as a bride, and would never ask anything in return, like duit minyak or duit hotel.

and then there are now going to be not 3, but 5 khemahs. so it IS going to be big. and full with people who i dont even talk to. my parents just called in 5 minutes ago telling me they have decided to invite ALL their friends as well. all the datins, datuks whatever. so the wedding is going to be far from simple (..........). meaning the initial expected 200 guests, would be 600 now. i love my parents to death, but all the things that i've been telling them for the last 4 years seems to fall to deaf ears. they KNOW i want a small event, they PROMISED that it's going to be small, they PROMISED to let me do it my way, that's what i have been doing for the last 4 months - act as my own wedding planner and choose everything and do it my way. if i know they are going to campur tangan, like, 2 months before the wedding, might as well let them DO it ALL kan? mum likes gold so much, so let me wear a gold wedding dress, kan senang? dad loves his relatives sgt, baik buat majlis kat ampang je kan? no need for me to go here and there just to find a wedding boutique in kuantan that knows how to make bunga stokin (lucky got one, the rest never heard of that bunga stokin before when in kl melambak2 that kind of bunga telor), go here and there to get someone who knows how to make my pelamin (pelamin bunga hidup? tak pernah dengar, dono how to make etc - typical kuantan wedding boutique answer).

the thing about me is that i can be very fussy, when i am left in charge. repeat - when i am left IN CHARGE. if someone else in charge, i tend to be able to accept them, providing the standard is not too low. initially i wasnt a fussy bride. all i want is to get married to my fiance and spend the rest of my life with him. full stop. i didnt care about the pelamin, the makan beradap, the scallop, the fresh flowers. but now since they asked me to be in charge, of EVERYTHING, that's when i got fussy. when i was given more than one option to choose, of course la kan i want to choose the best kan? and that's when i can be very fussy, and detailed about my choice. and then after about 75% of everything been arranged, and NOW they want to campur tangan?

this wedding thing is giving me a headache. with the supposed dresses not yet finished as planned, well, it's not the tailors fault, i lost about 5 kg weight since i last saw them and now all the dresses gile longgar. lari 2 inchies, everyt part of the dresses. honestly, the weight lost wasnt intentional, i dah lost hope dah with my previous body size and never attempted any diet whatsoever, so i guess if you want to lose weight, go and study at local ipta ok? haha. for the first time in my life, i dont feel happy for losing weight. now my dresses kene bukak balik and they wont be the same. i can just hope and doa the tailors can fix it.

guess this is what will happen if you're tired and then you blog. you tend to just pour it out loud. i just drove for 5 hours straight and i'm knackered. at least got one good news: i can absolutely drive :)

and also, if you receive an invitation card to my wedding, you know that you're significant to me ;) and i would be very honoured if you could come to my wedding and share the happy event with me. but if you cant come, it's ok. but you know that you're significant in my life :)