no mood again :(
waiting for maghrib to arrive. got a nice view outside my window. i like my room, a bit small when you have to share it with 2 other people, plus the study desk is only about half the size of my previous desk, but nevertheless i'm really grateful for what i have. alhamdullillah. i've been alone for quite some time, and it felt good to have some company again. my roomates are young and carefree, and i'm glad to have them after a full tiring day at the wards. the hostel facilities are limited, yet adequate and sufficient, just what i need. all in all, i realise how true what dad said to me a couple of weeks ago, that i'm now much much happier after living here for one month, compared to the 7 years living abroad. i shall stop here as i dont like to compare things, nor do i like to be regretful for whatever happened in the past, as i'm a firm believer that everything that happens must have its reason, and He knows what is the best for you :)
something occured in my head today. would it be nice to just get married elsewhere, like at the border of thailand for instance, where you can escape from all the hassles of preparing for the wedding? there was an article at the utusan today regarding this. apparently you only need rm350 to sort it all out. how easy life would be if i can do this. normally, it is the guy who's worrying about the wedding, especially if it is regarding the budget of the wedding. for me, i hate all the hassles. i hate crowds, i hate parties, i hate hassles, and yeah, i hate CROWDS. i dont mind the preparations, but when it starts to burden and keeps me waking at night, that's when i hate it. being anxious makes it worse.
all i know is that i love this guy. for all my heart. and i want to spend the rest of my life with him. if i could, i dont want to ever see him sad or worry about anything. and now both of us are unhappy and worrying over the wedding. if it was up to me, seriously, i would ask him to go to narathiwat, thailand to get married. period. full stop. and i'm dead serious. but knowing dear fiance, i know he would not do it. he just would not do it, for the respect that he has for me and my family. if la kan, we decided to continue with our secret plan to nikah at the uk 5 years ago kan, then we dont have to deal with all these hassles today. but yeah, we might be facing other problems, and it might also be as much or more complicated that our present problems, and we dont know that.
more and more problems start to appear now. i guess it's true what other people say - the closer you get to the wedding date, the more and more problems will appear from nowhere. sometimes it is something that you never thought would cause you a problem before. so what i will do now is to remain strong and believe in our relationship and stick to our niat utk mendirikan masjid - to be together, through good and bad times, for companionship. i know that i love this person and that is what mattered most. so dear mr fiance, do have faith in our relationship, and we will get through this together ok