My World

i lost my temper today. sigh.

i know i should have controlled it. well, at least i didnt shout in the public. instead i just went away from the source that cause my anger, and decided to go home and miss the afternoon session. not good huh. sigh.

what would you do if someone force you to do something that you dont want to do? especially when that something is totally pointless? then when i tried to politely refuse to do it (and i tried hard to be polite to this person, believe me), she just shouted my name in public and stared at me fiercely, as if i was a small girl who will get smack later by her parents for not behaving good in a supermarket. who does she think i am?

then we were supposed to have a gp session somewhere in wallsend where i couldnt reach by public transport and thus need to get a lift from her (she got a car). and she said not once, not twice, but 6+ times that if i dont do the things that she asks me to do, she wouldnt give me a lift for the gp afternoon session. you? blackmailing me?

i'm pretty sure tomoro she will say that it was all a joke and it was me who couldnt take jokes.

just go to hell girl. may you rot unmercifully there, you spoilt biggest ever ass bitch.

people said that i am short tempered. cepat panas. but can you tell me how the hell can i stand this type of person? believe me, i tried really hard to be nice to her, and try to accept her the way she is, as i know she is my rotation partner until july. i tried really really damn hard. i promised myself not to be rude to her, and tried really damn hard to see the good things in her.

but she was the one who told me that i have no friend, when i refused to be the 'middle person' between her and my teaching tutor, who she has a crush on but strictly in denial but it was damn obvious until my teaching tutor made an official complaint about her, which had resulted her a 'U' in the final FoCP. complicated story she has, now she is in the process of making a complaint about my teaching tutor, saying that it was he who hit on her at the first place.

yet today she asked me to accompany her to go to the student office, which is in front of the teaching tutors office. and i refused to do this. she wanted to go there to get the parking coin, where she usually gets from the hospital receptionist at the main hospital entrance, which is on our way out. but today is different than the usual day. my teaching teacher was alone in the office and it would be a perfect opportunity to see him alone. and she wanted to drag me along, for a good excuse, as i was his teaching tutee, and it would not be awkward for a teaching tutee to see her teaching tutor at his office

please please dont drag me along your sick scandal

and she was the one who told me i am a freak because i like to do things on my own, mind my own business, dont like talk about other people aka bitching and dont like attention. obviously she didnt take statistic during a-levels. she thinks that everyone likes attention, like her. duh

and the next day she said that it was all jokes, and i should not take it seriously.

i'm trying to remain calm here (although inside i feel like i can kill someone tonight, damn serious)

there is a clear line between being over-sensitive and patience

though my weekend had ruined and i think my relationships with the others were more or less affected, i will try to be calm

i dont want to be like those primary school students who tak kawan tu, tak kawan ni, main geng2. that is childish.

i try to have my day as it is and try hard to let go of the past. no more anti-depressant, no more counselling, no more anhedonia. i have more promises to fulfill, for the old, the young, and for the unborn ones. i try really hard to face my day everyday for the sake of the promised future.

i dont want to waste my time on this mother fucking bitch