past, present and future

1/04/2009 10:48:00 AM 0 Comments »

last week was a busy one, leaving me with no time at all to post an entry. but i always prefer a full and productive week, to a lazy and boring week. but i do also need to rest this weekend haha. 4 days to go!

last week started with revision, revision and more revision. i have found a study pace/way/method that i'm comfortable with, and i plan to stick with it for the next a year and a half. it involves a lot of work, time and energy too, but it was all worth it when you open the exam papers haha. anyway, last monday and tuesday were spent to revise with only a few hours sleep, then wednesday was full with 3 end-posting exam papers, and with me half awake decided to go back to kuantan on thursday early morning. i know! hehe. i think i'm doing more random things nowadays than i did previously.

those who know me know that i dont do random things. i'm not particularly an organised person, but from what my close friends used to say, my personality is somewhat strict and rigid. i plan my day, plan my meals, plan my clothes and plan almost everything. anyway, i think i'm a bit different now, a little bit. i dunno, no one has mention anything to me, obviously because everyone around me now only know me for the last 6 months, but i do think i change a bit. i dunno. i think it is because of the age, or because of the marriage, or maybe because i'm now a much, much happier person.

yup, when i think about it, i am happier now. life now is much, much harder and busier, but it is a good kind of hard and a good kind of busy. i didnt plan to write in much detail about it all, but like what i mentioned many, many times before, life alone (in my case, abroad) doesnt suit everyone. i need to be closed with my loved ones, not only for the support and courage, it is their presence that matters most. the feeling that someone is there for you. to know that you are not alone, that is important for me.

some might think that life abroad is grand, but believe me, it is not for everyone. it maybe the best experience for some people, but it also maybe the worse for some people. some might think all these are all small and miscellaneous matters, but it is not for some. things that keep on circulating in my head at that time was 'if i dont eat tonite, or tomoro, or next week, or not eating at all, will anyone even know?' or even 'if i die tonite on my room, when would someone, anyone to even notice and look for me and then find my body? 1 day? 1 week? 1 month? 1 year?'

so obviously it was getting into my head quite badly and i turned into someone who is not me. those were hard times, or what i called 'a black hole' in my past haha. but what is important now, i am where i am belonged. life is not all beds of roses i know, and i dont expect it to be after all that has happened, but at least for the time being, right now, i am happy with my life. and i shall grab to that thought and feeling for as long as, and as hard as, i can.

anyway, as before, i did it again. i didnt plan to write about my past, i planned to write about my sudden (and tiring, not to mention, crazy!) trip back to kuantan, about when it started to rain, like everywhere, and everyday, and the flood threated my journey back that it took me almost 7 hours of driving on heavy rain to reach my campus back. anyway, i'm now safe back to my hostel, again, tired as a leaf, but it didnt matter as the trip back home was all worth the 7 + 5 hours trip, just to see some very familiar faces.

right, got to get some shower. think i should start reading the, what you call it, 'notes' that the language teacher lend me on how to write better. i dont have any problem to write, and this blog is a prove haha, but it's the structure and organisation that i'm lacked of. and to choose a topic, it is the hardest of all, seriously. in this blog, i can write whatever i want, i can jump from one topic to another, but to write, or narrate, either a fiction or anything, and get it marked, it is a totally different thing all together. ok now, how can i think/create/make up a plot for a short story of 7 to 10 pages? no idea. i've been thinking for 2 weeks now, but got no idea whatsoever. nada. ilek. i need to be creative. but it is not in my gene! got 1 more week. help!