My World

currently no mood to do anything. plus the weather macam sejuk semacam aje. off the fan pun still sejuk gak. ni belum mandi lagi nih, it's almost 9pm and i know the later it is, the colder it becomes. mmg kene mandi gak, since this morning tak mandi haha pecah rahsia. no one in the room currently, as both of roomies went back home for the weekend. boring!

hubby is currently not well so takleh nak kacau die. he must be sleeping right now after amik all the meds. rest well dear..

hmm rase bosan katak alone in the room ni la kete takde so takleh kuar pie mane2. my car is currently at bengkel kete since yesterday. this time it's the turbo thingy that got damaged. they got to order a new one that hopefully will arrive tomoro. i told abah all these (as he's the one who's going to pay it all so he deserves to know) on wednesday night when i first noticed the condition of the car. and the next morning i called him just to find him at..

..the perodua shop to buy me a new car! he asked me what colour i would want my viva to be and i was like 'huh?'. he told me the choices of colour they have but i just couldnt register anything in my brain. he then said he would call again later. after about half and hour, ie after my brain started to function, i called my bro, iwan. he said everything is sorted and they have decided on a light green colour and that the car will soon arrive on the day after tomoro. again i was like 'huh?'. he said mama was the one who got annoyed with the condition of my kancil and decided there and then to replace it with a new car. wah so easy aa? like buying ikan kat pasar huh?

later in the afternoon abah called and asked me to choose the plate number for the car. he gave about 13 three-digit numbers and asked me if any of them has any significance on me. for the third time, i was like 'huh?'. he then suggested the number 297 since it's close to his car number ie 397. i said whatever la abah, you choose lah. so in less then a day, i found out that i would soon own a viva auto, light green in colour, with the plate number of CCC 297.

what the hell. as grateful as i am with the new car, but what is this all about? i didnt ask for a new car. i still love my kancil. i know it's old, and secondhand, well in fact 4th-hand, but it is indeed my first ever car. i bought it (well abah bought it) when it was so ugly and unkempt, then it slowly transformed into a sweet, cute car as it is today. i chose a new colour of the car myself, chose the tyres myself, learn on how to check minyak hitam, minyak gear, minyak break and air radiator. i chose the radio myself and installed 2 new speakers, chose the car accesories, the cushion covers, the lapik kaki dlm kete, and it's all, as usual, colour-coordinated.

but as i mentioned b4, it was abah who bought the kancil. so he has the right to do whatever he wants with the car. i just hope the next owner will appreciate the car as i do. as much as i love my kancil, i just have to accept that our jodoh is not that long. hmm not sure how should i mourn..

anyway, i dont want to sound as if i'm an ungrateful person. i should be happy for receiving a brand new car. i do, it's just that i dont understand why people like to spend a lot on me. like abah who pays everything for my education. and now pays for my car? like mama who spent thousands on my wedding dresses, when she knows i would only wear it once and that i would never be able to pay her back? like hubby who spends thousands to marry me, when he knows i cant live with him at this moment? like my wedding guests who would drive hundreds of kilometres just to see me as a bride? like my uncle, my sister, my brothers and my friends, who had spent money, time and energy and everything that they could give, just to see me happier, and better in many ways. and what i do not, and cannot understand, is that why did they do it? why were they willing to do it for me? did it worth it? to do it for me? do i worth that much?

i found all these very confusing. but at last, i think, i found a conclusion. that everyone who love and care for me have a greater faith on me than myself. they value me more than i value myself. they appreciate me more than i appreciate myself. they believe in me more than i believe myself.

hmm. ok. hmm. now.. how should i love myself more?

cant believe how cold it is nowadays, with the rain pouring in almost every day and night. yesterday for example, it rained for the whole day, including night time, non-stop, and it was freezing cold. never thought it could be this cold in malaysia. now i start to wear socks and sweaters everytime i'm in my room. i even sleep with the comforter. rase macam kat uk plak haha but i'm really really glad i'm not there at this moment, with its winter season. abah who went there last week said the temperature was around 3 degrees, and that was at london, i'm sure it would be much much lower up north.

anyway, i prefer it to be cold, rather than hot. and i dont think the weather in malaysia will go down to less then 20 degrees (lowest was 22 degress so far when i checked it through the internet) so it will not be that cold anyway. but yesterday was the first time ever in malaysia when my shoulders started to feel pain again. it tend to worsen in cold weather and it caused me many sleepless nights previously for having such pain and i thought it wont bother me again after i came back to malaysia for good. but now it came again and makes me wonder whether i should get it checked. hmm i dont think there's a need for that, the pain would usually go away when i take nsaids and would not usually occur when i'm not cold, and as long as i dont put heavy weights on the shoulders. so, as long as i have enough supply of nsaids and take it prn and not regularly, and then wrap myself appropriately during cold times, i should be ok la kan. but if this shoulder pain does not go away by next week, then i'll go and see someone.

my car is not well again. sigh. second hand car, so i'm not going to complain much. will call the mechanics tomoro and hope they can come and fix the car. and this all happens when my fortnightly groceries shopping is due, like, last week. so lets hope and pray the car is fixed and well by this weekend.

one of the first thing that i plan to do right after the wedding is to get my hair cut. the main reason i keep my hair long for all these while was because of my dream to become a bride with long hair (dont ask me why, or how, i just do). but at the same time i do love having a long hair, i think it suits the shape of my face and it also makes me feels more feminine. but now since i'm wearing scarf properly, it is hard to cover my head and at the same time keep a long, healthy hair underneath. i know it shouldnt be a problem, but i havent worn the scarf for sometime, plus i suffer from eczema and used to have eczematous lesions on my scalp before, so this new adaptation is a bit difficult, and having a short hair would definitely help a lot.

but then someone asked me to not cut my hair and that he prefers to have it long. actually, i myself do not have the heart to cut my hair short, to tell you truth. i just love my long, rebonded hair haha. it's one of the not-so-many things that i like about myself, so i think, and i should, and i want to keep it long. and i will also try my hardest to keep it as healthy as i can. i found it quite disturbing to find girls/women who wear such perfect, ironed, well-matching scarf, just to find that their hair are dirty and unkempt, it was as if they use the scarf to hide their bad sides. agak benci gak la to these people huh. at least try la to keep it clean la. i bet if they dont wear the scarf they would keep their hair as neat and clean as their exterior clothes etc.

anyway, currently i'm using one of the mildest shampoo out there ie johnson & johnson's baby shampoo and alhamdullillah it suits my scalp. every now and then when i got flare-ups from the eczema, i'll use sebamed baby shampoo and aqueous cream, and that should get rid of the eczematous lesions. and i will keep in rebonded as long as i can, and i'm not ashamed to admit that my hair is, in fact, rebonded. and for that reason i also use hair serum everyday, in minimal amount, to protect my hair. so far so good, i've been wearing scarf for the last 6 months and my hair is as healthy as i would like it to be. alhamdullillah, i guess if your niat is good, Allah will find a way to get it all possible :)

fuh finally i can have some space to breath! such a busy busy week.

anyway, today i plan to write about my weekend break. it was a full and packed one, but very satisfying nevertheless. okey my journey started on wednesday night when i took the bus to go to kl. the 8-hour journey was ok actually, better than expected, i managed to sleep at least on half of the journey. reached kl at around 5-ish in the morning, and dearest hubby picked me up at the bus station. and if you are here with me right now, you can see that huge huge smile on my face *tee hee hee just thinking of him fills me in with such joy and happiness :D

anyway, back to the real world haha, after my arrival, both of us decided to have an early breakfast. not a problem at all if you're in kl, where there are a lot of places that open for 24 hours. had roti telor and that would fill me in for the rest of the morning. then we went to my house in ampang. currently my SIL and niece are there, but obviously at 6 in the morning they were sleeping kan. had a chat here and there with hubby, there were lots to catch up, and me ironing his shirt for work really satisfied me :) i know i know i'm such an old fashioned wife hehe.

after hubby went to work at half 7, i planned to go back to sleep but had to cancel it when i saw dearest maisarah who just woke up. she greeted me with a puzzled face, it is always like that. she had this face whenever she first saw me when i come back. this face read 'hello stranger. no, i do know this face. this is a familiar face. i think i know this person. where did i see this person?' this face will carry on for a few seconds, before she finally gave me that huge smile. and also gave me hug. me pun cair cair heheh.

that morning i planned to cook lunch for hubby. again, an old fashioned wife. i dunno, that's just me. anyway, that day the menu was nasi tomato, ayam masak merah and sayur campur. i havent been in the kitchen for a few months, so i was a bit unsure on how it would turn out. and it turned out to be ok! once i was at the kitchen, everything felt so natural. overall it was a successful morning. hubby came back for lunch and ate my dish and i felt so satisfied. dunno why haha.

then in the afternoon, after hubby left for work, i babysat maisarah while my SIL went for a scan with her sister who is also pregnant. 5 hours with maisarah! heaven! main2, golek2, kasi makan, tgk cartoon same2. she is so grown up now. she knows her favourite cartoons in such details. when the intro songs of series like barney, mickey mouse clubhouse and little einsten are on air, she would position herself in front of the telly and would watch it in such concentration. then she would move and dance accordingly to the cartoons. really really enjoyed watching over her that afternoon.

that night me and hubby went to catch a movie. finally a trip to the cinema! mmg i was a bit kemaruk nak tgk wayang. i planned to watch the latest james bond with him but hubby already watched it with his friend so we watched high school musical 3 instead. i thought he would not want to watch it, i know it's such a girly movie and i know he's not a fan of high school musical movies previously, but then he agreed to accompany me. gosh knowing him who doesnt like to do things that he doesnt like, i thought he must have loved me that much to be agreed to watch this kind of movie. and that surely create another huge smile on my face by just thinking about it :D

ok, back to earth miss elly haha. anyway, i really enjoyed the movie, i'm a huge fan of the first 2 movies anyway so no doubt i would enjoy the 3rd one. after the movie we went back to ampang and stayed there for the night since it would be easier for hubby to go to work at keramat, where he is currently located.

the next morning, after hubby off to work, again i failed my plan to go back to bed because of maisarah. i'm so much attached to this girl. then, after the shops open at 10, i decided to go to klcc to sort out a few things. first, to catch the latest james bond movie. second, to fix my swatches. third, to kecikkan my wedding ring that is loose now since i lost some weight since entering the uni. and fourth, of course, to enjoy some window shopping. the james bond movie was good i thought. not excellent, but good nevertheless. but i know why some people would think otherwise, and every people are entitled for their own opinions, so i wont argue with that. then i managed to go to the swatch shop and kecikkan tali jam of my new swatch. and guess what, the blue square swatch that i thought was broken (read previous entry) was actually not broken at all! it only needed to change its battery. apparently the previous kedai jam (which is not a swatch shop) did not know how to put the swatch battery properly and thought the swatch was broken. well it's actually not, and it's now fully working! i'm so grateful for this as i like that swatch so much. another good news for me :)

anyway, i didnt manage to kecikkan my wedding ring since the habib branch in klcc was closed for refurbishment. then after pusing2 klcc for sometime, i took the cab to return to ampang. but before that, i found out from a computer shop in klcc that my dream laptop is having a price-cut. it's the sony viao light pink one. i really adore that laptop, again i dont care about the function, contents, harddrive and ram whatsoever, it's the baby pink colour in and out that makes me drool everytime i see it. it was rm4k something previously, but now it's rm2988! i so want it, but i realised there's actually zero chance for me to own it now huhu. but i vow to myself to own that exact laptop one day, ONE day, just not sure when haha. just one day i will own it, amin.

so after the trip to klcc, i went back to ampang and had a short nap. hubby came back home later and we planned to go back to his house at damansara damai that night. but we waited until mama and abah to arrive from kuantan that night, just to say hi. didnt plan to see them cos i thought they would be in kuantan for the weekend, but knowing abah's all-over-the-place timetable, i wasnt surprised at all. and the meeting was welcome nevertheless. so after seeing them (and seeing mama's new dior handbag as well that she was so eager to show me, well, that's actually the main reason i stayed and waited for them to arrive from kuantan) we went back to damansara damai.

saturday was a packed day, one reason we planned to start our day at damansara damai. first, cant believe i actually agreed to do it, was the bengkel kereta. i know! gosh i must love this guy that much to agree to follow him and accompany him at the bengkel while the mechanic fixed his car for... 2 hours! then i thought of the previous night when he accompanied me watching such a girly movie, i thought this should be alright. lagipun the plan of the day was for us to stay with each other and spend the time together. then after the bengkel, we went to shop for a.. washing machine! me so like this one. bab shopping, give it to me hehe. we received a lot of gift vouchers as wedding presents, a total of rm2k, so we thought why not we spend it for our house utilities, although currently we do not live together, but that doesnt mean we cant buy house utilities. we planned to buy a few things, but we thought having a good washing machine would be at the top most of the list, and we managed to do that later that day.

besides the washing machine, we bought a few things for ourselves as well. bestnyer spending gift vouchers! hubby got himself a pair of pants and a few shirts for work, but i only got a shirt. we lacked of time as i was going home that night. the new washing machine arrived at our home that night and hubby was so excited. terus basuh baju! but then at 9pm, we left the house for dinner, then he sent me off at the bus station. was quite emotional at the bus station but hubby said that i wasnt going back to newcastle again, like before. and he said he will be seeing me again in 2 weeks time for raya haji, where he will drive back home to his parents' house, a place where i will also celebrate this year's raya haji. so i know it would be alright. arrived at the uni at 6 o'clock the next morning and my classes started at half 8.

overall it was a very tiring and packed weekend break, but very very satisfying indeed. looking forward to see that face that i adore so much, in a week and a half. cant wait!

ok, back to mother earth miss elly, you got tons of work to do. calo!

fuh finally i can breath a bit. for now..

cant wait to go back this weekend. there's somebody i'm so damn eager to see. no, 2 persons actually. i'm so smitten, head over heels to one, and so fond to the other one. now everybody can guess who is that first person i'm talking about kan, but how about the second one? let me give some clues. she likes barney and she's going to be a big sister soon! hehe

anyway, actually i dont have anything interesting to write today. just finished my last papers and felt that i want to do something but not sure what. tempted to write something about the wedding, but i think by now there would be several people out there who would muntah hijau kebosanan already whenever i mention the word 'wedding'. and you know what? the more people oppose, the more eager i am to write. it's my blog anyway so i write whatever i want. tee hee hee dasar rebelious (more like keras kepala) haha

but no, i'm someone's wife now, and i should behave myself more properly. a wife is someone who is polite and able to listen to advices.

..............

but one of the reason he chose me is for my preference to speak out my mind, because of my opinionated-ness (altho he hates my stubborness hehe). so.... i'm going to write a thing or two about the wedding afterall haha. so here goes. sape tak suke boleh pegi ok, but do come back again later k (see i'm trying to be polite here hehe)

as i mentioned, like, a thousand times before, my ideal wedding would be a simple one. no pelamin, no khemah2, no bunga pahar, no makan beradab. just me and my oh-so-beautiful dress. and of course the groom, the kadi, the wali and less than 20 close famili guests should be there also la. and as anyone who came to my wedding or read my blog or go to my friendster and saw my wedding pictures, the event was nothing, NOTHING, like i imagine or dream it would be like. i guess you cant have everything in life haha.

the pelamin was a request from my mother. her wedding, 33 years ago, was a simple one, they didnt have a pelamin, or she didnt even had a proper wedding dress (that's why she insisted on buying me and my sister our own wedding dresses.. love you loads mama huhu), so she personally requested for me to have a pelamin. i didnt have a clue on what kind or type of pelamin to have, since it wasnt included in my dream wedding plan. so i browsed and browsed, and searched and searched and tried to find as simple as possible a pelamin could be. this was a harder task than i thought it would be, because i didnt have a single clue on what kind of pelamin i want. mama as usual, left everything to me. at the end i just simply chose one of the simplest pelamin design i found on the magazine. i then decided to add some fresh rose flower bouquets on it, because it being a very simple pelamin, it would be so obviously ugly if the artifical flowers attached to it were ugly, as some artificial flowers can be so damn ugly (woow, 3 'ugly' words in one sentence hehe). i wasnt convinced the wedding team could get decent artificial flowers, that's why i chose fresh ones.

i was satisfied with the end result, as i didnt have any expectation to fill, so as long as there was a pelamin, i guess it should be fine lah. but i guess mama wasnt satisfied, i think she must have compared it with jiman and kak lysa's pelamins. jiman's pelamin was a grand one, with its gold and bronze colour, the chairs were gold as well as the bunga pahar and everything. it was a grand pelamin indeed. while kak lysa's pelamin was a very beautiful one, it was like a fairy-tale one, with its sangkar burung pelamin and lots and lots of flowers. so no surprises there when mama started to compare my pelamin with theirs. my arguments would be: one, both of them had their wedding at dewan, with huge platforms for the pelamin. two, having a pelamin was not something i planned, so i had no idea whatsoever on what kind of pelamin to have. all i want is the wedding dress (everyone know! hehe). and mama never mention on what kind of pelamin she would want to have. fine, i think she thought i would not want to listen to her advice (i'm not that big-headed mum, i did ask for ideas but you refused to give)

anywayyyy, the pelamin was ok, in my opinion. i was too tired and exhausted to listen to other people's comments. i think there were actually more people who would like to say a thing or two about the pelamin, but they wouldnt dare to say it to my face (except mama la). GOOD. i prefer it that way. i think i must have the do-not-messed-up-with-me face whenever i'm annoyed. GOOD. prefer it that way. and as you can see, i'm not that popular among relatives, unlike my other siblings. GOOD. prefer it that way haha. but i was surprised so many came to the wedding. fine, i should be grateful then (....) haha.

but at least i got a few months to think and prepare for the pelamin. the khemah was another issue. at first i didnt want any khemah, i thought who would want to come to my wedding, a nobody wedding, moreover it was going to be held in kuantan, where none of our relatives live nearby, so who would be the guests anyway? but abah insisted on having some khemah, so i thought oklah, just for you abah, i booked 2 khemah. then 3 months before the wedding, dear parents bising2 mahu makan beradab. surprise suprise. tak pernah plan langsung mahu makan beradab. makan2 je cukup la kan. janji perut kenyang, suka la hati kan haha. but no, mama said she has a friend who is so good with preparing makan beradab and that she was eager to prepare one for me. to be honest, i think this was only mama's excuse, when it was actually her who wanted me to have the makan beradab. FINE.

so i added one more khemah, to make it 3. then less than a month to go, with abah sewakan one whole bus from my kampung at kuala selangor to come to kuantan (yup one BUS! abah actually volunteered to sewakan more buses when there were more people from my kg who wanted to join the bus trip, but after i gave him the 'evil' stare, he gave up that idea) and then abah started to pok pek pok pek and wanted 6 (bloody SIX!) khemahs for the guests and i thought it was a ridiculous idea and stepped on my feet and stood firmly on my initial plan. then mama had to become the org tengah, and we decided to add only 1 more khemah, making it 4 all together. i thought i could see abah was trying to arrange with the khemah people himself when they were pasangkan khemah 2 days before the wedding to add more khemahs, but luckily they only brought the exact amount of khemahs to pasang that day at my house. persistent huh org tua tu hehe

but he got his revenge later huh

just one day prior to the wedding, with all the khemahs, all its decoration, the pelamin were all finished and done, abah then removed all his 4 kereta antic and put it at the hujung laman. you see, all of his kete antic are usually in this one medium-sized garage, it's like a car-porch, that could fit 5 cars. so he removed all of his antic cars and bersihkan all the lantai etc and came to see me and asked for more tables to be fitted on that car-porch. RIGHT. fine, i was too tired to argue and went to see the wedding team and asked for more tables and chairs along with its decos to be fitted in that car-porch. at the end, it could fit 4 more tables, like one normal khemah would fit. so abah managed to get his revenge. i think it was quite a funny experience on having to deal with someone old.. who is as degil as me haha.

ok, finally, the tepung tawar. there wasnt any plan whatsoever to have the tepung tawar event. it was just not something that i plan, or want to do, at all. but nooo... parents always win at the end i tell you. just one day (1 DAY!) prior to the wedding i found out there would be a tepung tawar event. mase tu i was too damn tired to argue and whateverlah, i just couldnt wait for all the event just to be done with.

so when oja said something like "ai 'simple' sgt ler simple wedding ko ni" ie the wedding is not as simple as she (and me!) thought it would be like (as she knew about my simple, small wedding dream), i could only smile. because i was so tired, exhausted at that time, and couldnt wait for all of it to be over with. plus i know, no matter how stubborn, big-headedness you are, at the end parents will always win haha

my, er, let me see, hm, 7th swatch i think. tee hee hee. me like swatch!

'You are likely in a quiet, reflective mood today, dear Leo. It may be that you receive a communication from an old friend who sets your mind thinking back to the good old days of your youth. You can't help but look at some of the pivotal decisions you made in your life and wonder how your life would be different had you made different choices. This is a pointless game to play, dear Leo. Rather than wondering about "what if," your time would be better spent embracing what you have'

be strong elly, and remember of the happy times you had, especially with him. he who brings so much happiness in my life. now, that's a smile on my face..

'banyakkan bersabar and willing to give more. able to accept him for who he is, he is a human afterall who is prone to make mistakes and not as perfect as you thought he is, willing to forgive and forget cos that is just what sharing one's life with another means'

more or less advices that were given to me post-maritally.

...................

nothing specific to write today. wish to call mama for our weekly chat, but she'll not be at home til thursday. she goes to perth with kak lysa since last sunday. abah is not home either, he goes to his annual uk/russia trip til next week. so tinggal me, jiman, meda, maisarah and iwan. the latter is having his final exams now, felt a bit pity to him for not having anyone around. but he called me yesterday to get a good luck wish, which made me feel quite appreciated as a big sister. he is closest to mama and kak lysa, and the least to me. no surprises there, as i was not around for most of his childhood period. anyway, time to amend broken relationship, and i'm glad he called me yesterday and we did have a good chat.

meda, my sis-in-law is at the end stage of her pregnancy. she is at 32 weeks, but already experience some pain and the docs said that the baby's position is too downwards. pray that she can maintain the pregnancy up to until 36 wks, ie until full term before delivering the baby. she plans to have it in kuantan, so i plan to drive back home anytime when she delivers the baby. and it's going to be a boy :)

oklah, got to do some work now. this week and next week are going to be a stressful one. pray everything will turn out to be ok. calo

i thought this weekend was a good one. good weather, it rained a bit, making it not as hot as it always been since i came here. managed to settle a few things as well, sent the car to get its regular check-ups, did my fortnightly groceries shopping, managed to do some readings and cleaned my room and did the laundry as well. all in all, it is a productive weekend, and i like that ;)

didnt have the mood to write about the wedding, but what else to write about? me and my mundane life? oklah, i will try to write something.

hubby thinks i'm too thin (tempted to say something sarcastic about this, but managed to refrain myself so bravo to me haha. the polite-est respond to this would be 'have you got your eyes checked lately, dear?). i admit i lost some bit of weight lately, but definitely not too much. i still eat as usual, it's just that i burnt more nowadays. then hubby explained himself by saying he doesnt mind what size i am, as long as i remained as energetic and lively like i used to be. sigh. i admit i used to be very energetic and physical, i used to move all my stuff all on my own when i moved houses. i could carry a 24inch tv with no sweat at all, i could lift 20-something kg heavy boxes and bags with no problem at all. back then i could walk the whole day, did this and did that. sadly i couldnt do it anymore. hurt my shoulders sometime ago and i became more and more tired that usual. i blame it on the old age haha. you cannot expect a 28-year-old to be as energetic as a 20-year-old, can you? plus my appetite is not as good as it used to be. and it got worse whenever i stress. dono.

anyway, i vow to improve my physical ever since hubby mentioned about it. no i'm not joining a weight-lifting class, but i promise to do regular exercises every now and then when i got nothing to do in the late afternoon, and i also promise to eat regularly, 3 times a day, with at least one rice meal each day. should i get a multivitamin? the last one i tried really gave me a scare, the ginseng content did give me a boost of energy, just that it was a little bit too much to tell you the truth. i'll make sure the next one doesnt have any ginseng in it huh. but with so many choices of multivitamins over the counter, how would i choose one?

oklah, suddenly i felt intrige to write a little something about the wedding (hehe). it is about my choice of colour theme for the wedding. those who know me, i can be quite fickle-minded at times. like this choice of theme colour for the wedding, i changed it more than a couple of times, and it didnt help with me being in such a looonnnggg engagement. my initial choice of colour was dark brown with a hint of copper colour, and cream as the background colour. i chose this because people always say that dark chocolate colour suits my skin colour. then, however, when my brother got married in 2006, mama had decided to choose that same colour as his wedding theme colour. jiman was totally innocent, being a typical guy, he didnt care at all about the theme colour. but mama loved gold, and what better match with gold other than dark brown? and the rest is history..

a year later, when my sister bought the cadar from china which i decided there and then to be the cadar for the katil pengantin, i thought green would be suitable. green because the cadar, which is cream in colour with beautiful light pink and other pastel-coloured embroidery on top of it, has a green border, so i thought if i would wear a green wedding dress, it would be well-matched with the cadar. hehe again, the colour coordination obsession.

then i realised green doesnt suit my skin colour. plus there are sooo many shades of green out there, light green, dark PAS green, pastel green, apple green, pucuk pisang green, hijau lumut etc, making it imposible to have only one shade of green for the wedding. and being a colour coordination obsess, i know if the wedding involved the wrong shades of green, and there is a high possibility for this to occur, it would only caused me a heartache, more like an eye-ache. dono why, but if i see the pelamin, the dress, the bunga pahar etc all in a different shade of colour, altho it has the same colour eg green, it would have caused me such a stress and i wouldnt like it all.

then last year i saw raja nazrin got wed with the ever-so-beautiful tunku zara, which later became my idol (haha). she looked sooo beautiful during her nikah with her white dress, so i thought why not putih? white will always be white, i know that in north pole the eskimos has more than 20 shades of white, but here, in a normal population, white is white. i can still able to accept off-white, pearly white etc cos it's still white, as long as it's not cream. so white it was..

.. until mama said the wedding would be a dull, more like a majlis berkabung, if i choose to have it all white. see, the person who you loved most will surely be the one who hurt you the most. anyway, after pikir punyer pk punyer pk, i was still adamantly want white as the theme colour, but this time with some hint of silver and light grey. and i almost managed to get it all done according to this theme colour, until my wedding team said, 'er, mane ade daun kaler putih or silver or grey?' and 'susah nak carik all only white roses for the pelamin, guest tables etc' since i wanted a fresh-flower pelamin. so then oklah, malas nak pk, it was white theme colour, with a hint of silver, light grey, natural light pink roses and leafy green. so there you go. to choose the theme colour for you wedding is not as easy and straightforward as it seems. or is it just me? tee hee hee :D *peace*

finally i have some time for a long entry that i plan to write.

this entry is meant for the sake of my memory. as time flies at a faster rate especially when you are busy and occupied, you tend to forget all the small little details that occured in your daily lives. as this is one of the most important event in my life, i hope not to leave any memory behind and to treasure every moment of it.

it started on wednesday afternoon when i planned to drive back home. i used to drive the 5-hour journey alone a couple of times before, so i couldnt see any problem there. but as usual, being a girl who lives in malaysia, this action is apparently never heard of by most of my friends who was in shock to hear that i would be driving alone for 5 hours to attend my own wedding. i appreciated their concern, and believe me if i had another solution i would have taken it.

the journey back home was almost always quite an adventurous one. the last time i drove back was last raya, when it was raining ever so heavily, with tunders and strong wind, and i couldnt see a thing on the road and had to stop a few times, but i never told anyone about this cos i know if my parents knew about this, they would forbid me from driving back alone again. and of course i wouldnt want that, would i? i want to remain as independent as possible, especially since now i own my own car. and this time it was also rained rather heavily, but minus the tunder and wind. but added with a rough few days previously, actually i was rather tired to drive but i was determined to continue on my plan that afternoon. i had all sorts of sweets, keropok and asams to accompany me, with cds and mp3 songs. i dont usually make a stop in the middle of the journey, cos i cant see the point of stopping somewhere to get a drink or something when you're driving alone, and that i would rather have a straight drive and reach my destination asap.

reached kuantan at 6pm something, went straight to see my sort-of wedding planner. you see, i booked a bridal boutique in kuantan to do almost all the things that i needed for the wedding. and me not being in kuantan to sort it out myself, i only contacted them through phones to ask for them to arrange for this and that. from them i booked the pelamin, the khemahs plus deco, the make-ups and the accesories, and also the bunga telor, bunga dulang and bunga pahar. and i thought they were rather good, being a fussy bride myself. as i mentioned before, i dont think i'm the fussiest bride out there, but i definitely know what i want and i adamantly want it all done according to my choice. and i make this quite clear when i saw the wedding team for the first time. i think i managed to convince them that i'm not big-headed (yes i am ahah) or berlagak, it's just that i know what i want and i want it done my way. like when i said i didnt want a single glint of gold seen in any of my wedding stuff, they truely understood that and tried their best to fulfill it. like when i told them the theme was 'simple, but nice' and especially no extravagance like kerawang2 or heavy2 stuff, and they listened to that. like when i said i want a white and silver bunga stokin and nothing else as my bunga telor, bunga dulang and bunga pahar, they did that as well and i fully appreciated it. like when i want this particular fresh flower bunga pegang and informed them just 2 days before the wedding, they managed to pull it off and i was indeed pleased. and when my mother specifically wanted each of the 14 guest tables to have a small basket of fresh white roses and other white coloured flowers, they managed to prepare it all within 1 day of notice. i was indeed very pleased.

ok enough with the wedding team. back to the night i came back home. after seeing the wedding team that night, i went straight to one of the tailor who made my nikah and groom's reception dresses. this is when being someone who knows exactly what she wants becomes such a pain in the ass. the dresses didnt turn out like i want it to be, and it did upset me a lot. the dresses fit me ok, but it just werent the dresses that i imagined it would be like. actually the dresses were ready before raya but i wasnt satisfied with them so i returned it back and asked the tailor to do some modification. after about a month, i came back and the result was still frustating. i had to calm myself and reminded myself that i shouldnt behave like this and that i should be grateful for being able to afford to buy and tailor-made all my wedding dresses. some of you guys out there must be thinking what a selfish and arrogant person i am, well, there you go. the real me. i wouldnt want to justify myself, but it IS my wedding, MY wedding, and as i mentioned many, many times, having a pretty and perfect dress is my most, MOST top, TOP priority in my wedding. i dont care about the guests, or the presents, or the pelamin, or makan beradab, (although i admit being rather obsessive about colour coordination haha) but all i ever wanted was to have nice, beautiful, hardly-cant-breath pretty dresses for my wedding. is that what you called fussy? then you havent met that many brides-to-be huh.

anyway, i managed to calm myself and able to accept the dresses as they were and drove back home. imagine how tired i was for being in the car from 1 to 8pm! about 7 hours of driving! seriously penat. but no, i couldnt simply lay my head on the pillow yet that night. i had to finish all my 9 hantarans that night and slept at 3 in the morning.

woke up at 7 next morning. what did i do that day? oh yeah, kemas my bilik to turn it to bilik pengantin. as i mentioned, i wasnt fussy at all about this bilik pengantin. kemas itu kemas ini, earlier that week the curtain lady dah pasangkan the langsir, using the material i choose myself a few months before raya lagi. you know what? after writing all these, it made me realise one new thing about myself: i like to be incharge when it's regarding my life. (for some unknown reason i can actually hear ellina said - er, actually kan, ko mmg mcm tu sejak dulu lagi - weird, but i'm convinced she would say that, but i guess she knows me best haha). like i wanted to choose curtain material myself (altho it's just a plain stripe cream-coloured one), then choose the dress materials myself (specifically wanted an off-white french lace with bunga setompok2, lining with light grey/silver satin - when everyone, altho mama was the only one brave enough to mention it, thought it was a dull combination) and choose such an unconventional ring (with not a single fan out there, among my family and relatives, but they werent brave enough to mention this to me haha). anyway, there you go. the real me. a control freak haha.

hmm.. how come the more i write, the more i reveal the not-so-pleasing personality of mine? this entry is about the wedding, not about me and my head haha. so here goes again.

told you this going to be a looooonnggg entry. as i said, this entry is for my memory, so if you dont like, please go hehe.

so where are we? oh, thursday. spent the whole day tidying my room. altho the curtains were new, but it wasnt from my request, it was mama's. all i did was choose the material and the design. all because mama didnt want to choose it herself (but i guess she also knows her daughter very well..). the cadar pengantin was not new. no one actually had it before, but it wasnt bought specifically for the wedding. kak lysa bought it from china about 2 years ago and i thought it was so simple, yet so pretty and i decided there and then to use it for my wedding. all the attempts done by mama to convince me to buy a new (and more extravaganza) one had failed. see, i'm not that fussy, i just know what i want.

oh yeah, how can i forget, that same thursday afternoon i was waiting ever so eagerly for kak lysa to arrive from kl. why? because she would bring my silver wedding dress from kl! after a frustating event the day before regarding my other wedding dresses, my only consolation was my final wedding dress that was going to be used for my house reception. i wrote it so many times in my previous entries about how eager i was to have this dress readied. tempah at butik citra, ampang point and spent quite some money to get it tailored (the reason i mentioned the butik's name was that it was a request from mr iszal, the tailor, who would like me to recommend his butik to my friends, and after seeing the final result and as a show of ever-so gratitude towards his workmanship, i decided to put it here, altho rase tak sedap hati sket as it can appear as if i bangga2 kan designer whatsoever, like certain blogs/fotopages of brides that would mentioned 'oh btw, rizalman or salikin or whoeverthatis designed my dress, if you must know'. that wasnt my intention, i was just so grateful for his services, how he was ever-so polite to me and my mum, how he listened to my needs, how he combined his design with mine (typical me knowing what i want), how he was so patient with me kept losing weight and that he had to repair the dress not once, but three times and the final result which was so breath taking (in my eyes) and the dress turned out exactly what i imagined it to be like. so coming from a fussy person, i fully recommend this person)

so as you can guess, that day was a happy day for me. i had one of my dream come true, ie to have a oh-so-breath-takingly pretty dress for my wedding. i dont care if others find it simple, or unimpressive, but that dress was perfect in my eyes. not too extravagance, not too shimmering or glittering, it was just perfect. everything was so matched, with its shoes and veil, all with the same beads designs, and the colour of beads were perfectly matched. just like i imagined my wedding dress would be like. it was just perfect. and this might sound funny, or even silly, but the moment i saw and tried the dress (which fitted me perfectly, of course) i instantly know i can do this, i mean all the wedding thingy, and that i know i can go through with it all. it gave me such a boost of confidence. that was how having a perfect dress meant to me. silly eh?

gosh, this entry is already long, and this hasnt include the wedding day itself! guess i have to write a second entry then. hmm altho i dont have to apologise since this is my blog and that i can write whatever i want, but for some reason i felt guilty for writing such a long, and maybe boring, entry. so there you go. half my brain said sorry, the other half said 'who cares?'. anyway, will write again and finish this entry soon. tadaloo.

finally it's all OVER!!

it was sooo tiresome. and time consuming. and i'm glad it's done. i am now someone's wife. hehe felt so funny. and when i saw him, my thought would be, 'my HUBBY!' hehe. now i cant address him as 'my fiance' anymore like what i did for the last 4 years and 2 months, now i have to address him as 'my husband'...eee dont think it has sinked in my head, yet. and now i'm a 'puan'. bloody hell. felt so funny hihihi.

but i'm glad and grateful to be the wife for someone i'm truly head over heel in love with. a former friend once mentioned to me that ugly girls, like me, do not deserve true love, and that guys are only marrying ugly girls, like me, out of desperation when they couldnt find anyone else to marry. it was such a hurtful statement, and i know i will remember it forever, but now i know i can prove him wrong. i have found a wonderful person who is in love with me, who gives me support and advice whenever i need, always there to hold my hand and to provide a shoulder to cry on, and i know he will always be there for me. so you're dead wrong, MR ADI MD SHAH! i think every person in this world deserve to have their own happiness, no matter who they are, what they are. everyone deserves to be happy.

not sure what made me wrote that. i'm such a person who hold grudges, pretty bad. i know it's not good, what past is past, but i think some people should know that they can hurt people quite badly and that they do not realise it. i hope i do not fall into that category, i admit i can be quite opinionated at times, and i can be very cruel to those i hate, but i surely appreciate and treat my dear ones nicely. well, that's for my friends to judge.

oklah, got to go. will write more later.