12/18/2008 12:27:00 PM 0 Comments »

am alone in my room. bliss! as much as i enjoy the presence of my two young and carefree roomates, being on my own is a thing that i've always enjoyed. it's the day before the weekend, so nobody is in the mood to do any studying. one of them has gone back home already for the semester break. the rest of the campus has got between one or two weeks or a month worth of semester break, it's depends on the courses, while yours truly got none. NONE! but i should not complained, like what dear hubby said, for i choose this course, this pathway, myself. he is indeed a straight-to-your-face person huh.

sometimes it's funny when i think of how life turns out to be for me. turning 28 and still pursuing a study. with the surrounding people so young and carefree, with nothing to worry about but their crushes, their boyfriends, break-ups and make-ups. while i'm all married! haha. altho i'm living in a hostel, with the rest of the students, but i can see that my mind and thinking are different. i'm 28 for godsake haha with a 7-year experience of being a total independent, so it's not a surprise i sometimes feel a total misplace for being where i am now. my goals are different than theirs. my responsibilities are different than theirs. my passions are different from theirs.

i'm too independent. i dont wait for others just to get our lunches together. i go to classes on my own. i own and drive my own car, and i go anywhere i want, preferably alone. i settle my bills myself, go to the tailors mayself, go to see the mechanics myself, drive to and back again to kuantan, or anywhere i want to, mostly alone. not that i dont want a company, it's just i'm used to do it all by myself and i dont want to burden other people with my tasks. as long as i'm capable of completing a task, i'll do it. by myself.

my husband is so far the only human in this world that i welcome a help from. he is an exception. i myself not sure how it turns out to be like that, cos i always, always prefer to do things on my own and that i'm very independent. it's one of the many reason why i chose him. i used to wonder why did we had such a long engagement, there were never any big arguments or problems between us, but the marriage part came on rather late. there is no specific explanation for this, obviously there was this 'unfinished' study of mine that might have cause the delay, but i dont think that played a huge part. there's always me and him, and him and me, so why did we took a long time to tie a knot?

this is when i realise the magnificient work of the Almighty. we plan, He plans and He decides too. i realise that our very long engagement was for us to know each other really well. sound silly, but it does make sense for a person as complicated as me. i cant say there is anyone out there who come to know the real me, except my husband and maybe E, a dear friend who used to stay in the same house with me for 6 years. see how long it takes for someone to know me? even the one person who knows me the longest said to me once that sometimes she doesnt know me at all and cannot predict what'll i do next. my mum that is.

anyway, for all these years that he knew me, and i knew him, it was the time needed for him to accept me, and vice versa. and to tell you the truth, i dont think we would have lasted if we werent officially engaged, for i was such a fickle-minded person, had such a low self-confidence and too independent to accept someone into my life. to break-up with a boyfriend is not the same as to break an engagement. yup, we did have our ups and downs, believe me we did and still do, but our jodoh is kuat and hope that it will last as long as we live, amin.

anyway, it wasnt my intention to write yet another entry about my relationship. i was thinking about my independent life as an older student, but when i started to write it turned out to be about something else, as you can see. ah well, what's written is written. i do think it's a bliss for not knowing who my readers are. and i prefer it that way. i prefer my comment box remains empty, and that most of my readers know that by now. and i always feel extremely uncomfortable to have a conversation regarding the entry of my blog. ignorant is indeed a bliss.

oklah, i plan to re-watch the sex and the city the movie after this. and i'll imagine E is sitting next to me, with the heater's on next to our feet, with us both wearing our fleece robe, mine was bright red and hers was kotak2 pink, she would have a mug of hot coffee with her and i some hot chocolates. then we would drool over the dresses and shoes and handbags collections that they had in that movie. miss those times. miss her.