3/31/2007 08:30:00 AM 0 Comments »
weeeee easter holiday has started =D

but i still need to go to hosp for another week :`(

ah nevermind. now is not the time to complain! another 9 weeks (!), that is 61 days (!!!) to go before finals so there's no time to waste (gagagagaga...)

change topic, like, NOW

happy weekend everyone. how time flies. before i know it, it's the end of march already. huh? what happen in march? what did i do for the last few weeks? curious curious.. hmm

mama is coming in 12 days time! weeeeeee tak sabar tak sabar. she will be in the uk for about a week, and only 6 days in newcastle, and i plan to make full use of it. dah organised almost everything, so hopefully everything will be as planned. the most important thing is to spend as much time with her, and make her trip enjoyable. eeee tak sabar lagi seminggu setengah!

just received my graduation pack last week, and i have to give my answer before may. so, to attend or not to attend? hmm... i cant see the point of attending the graduation without the presence of my family. but i have never graduated before (well taiping and kmys graduation dont count, ok) so of course i want to wear the robe, the hat and go to the stage to pick up my scrol. hmm.. let just apply the theory of Utilitarianism, shall we? (ha ha boring boring, skip if you want ha ha). 'the greatest happiness' theory that determines the rightness or wrongness of an action. it also consider the intensity, duration and certainty of the value of the happiness and unhappiness experienced by those who are affected by it. so here goes..

to attend:
i'll be happy, my family will be a bit happy cos they will get a picture of me wearing the robe and holding the scrol. azali also wants me to attend, ellina too, some of my collegues too, so they will be happy. but their intensity wouldnt be that high, i think, not compared to mine, becos it's my graduation kan. also to consider: my unhappiness. becos of the absence of my beloved family. the graduation will be on wednesday, so nad, ct or shanti, or my other good friends will not be able to attend too. my scholarship runs until at the end of june, and the graduation is on mid july, so i would be a bit unhappy regarding money. my unhappiness from the absence of my family and friends and money would be MORE than my happiness from attending my first, and maybe last, graduation. imagine my unhappiness is -10, then my happiness is +6, so if you add up, it's -4, ie unhappy as the result, see? then i add up with everyone's else happiness (+2), so the final result is -2. so.. if i choose to attend, the total consequences would be unhappiness. but will it be lesser in intensity if i choose NOT to attend the graduation?

not to attend:
ok, i'll be happy too, since i'll be able to fly home ASAP and meet up with azali and my family and eat, eat and eat in malaysia. the intensity if compared to happy attending the ceremony? hmm.. i would say the same (imagine happiness of attending +6 and happiness of not attending +6). i desperately want to go home, but i'll be going back home for good anyway, so 2,3 weeks late wouldnt cause any harm. money will be good, so i'll be happy. i'll be able to leave newcastle and uk for good, so i'll be happy too. no word can describe how muaknye duduk kat uk ni for the last 7 years. i'm so desperately wanting to leave and go back to my home and start the next stage in life ie marriage, family, children etc. anyway, back to my dilemma..

so.. for now i've decided that NOT attending would make me MORE happy then attending the graduation. it's easier to view this in numbers, i think. like, imagine the happiness of me not attending is +6, then the unhappiness of me not attending is -4, so it adds up to +2, meaning i'm happier not attending, see? now i need to consider unhappiness, mine and others. of course i would be sad, but as i said before, my unhappiness of NOT attending would be LESS (-4), compared to the intensity of happiness for attending (+6). i think my family would be sad too, a bit, but to be honest, i dont think they care, as long as i pass my exam and come home safely. azali would be sad, this one i'm a bit confused, he really REALLY wants me to attend, but he also really wants me to come home asap. -0.5 maybe? anyone else that will feel unhappy for me not to attend the graduation? hmm my friends would be a little tiny bit unhappy, but to be honest they wouldnt miss me if i'm not there. so another -0.5 maybe? so.. conclusion? +2 -0.5 -0.5 = +1 ie NOT to attend the ceremony would bring MORE happiness than unhappiness.

so the final conclusion: unhappiness if i attend (-2) + happiness NOT to attend (+1) = (-1) ie attending the graduation will bring me unhappiness. ta da! easy. but this decision may change with time and circumstances. like, if suddenly my mum says that she wants me to attend the graduation, then i would definitely be going (imagine her happiness intensity is +2, then the final result would be different, kan?) or if one day i see the graduation robe, like somewhere, anywhere, and suddenly i feel like i would very much like to attend the ceremony, and if that happiness's intensity would be MORE than unhappiness of me attending, then i will attend. ha ha pening?

ok ok, i need to continue revising. this weekend revision topic: urology and breast. ha ha 'interesting' topic huh? surgery is not as bad as i thought. long live surgeons!