mother's sacrifice

2/27/2006 06:35:00 PM 0 Comments »
i am so tired right now.

today started early. i couldnt sleep last night; i only managed to close my eyes at half 2 and woke up at 7 am when the mobile phone's alarm rang. didnt have time to eat or drink, i rushed to the rvi's delivery suite. and i had to wait for 4 hours to see a delivering mum. it was a difficult one. it was her 1st pregnancy and she was transfered from hexham this morning at half 6. the CTG wasnt good; the baseline was over 180 constantly. so the good old rvi stuff followed the NICE guidelines and attempted to check on the baby's blood for pH and bases. it was my first time seeing how a fetal blood sampling been taken. the doc put a strange looking speculum into the women's vagina and scratched the baby's head a bit and took some blood using 3 long, narrow tubes and me and the midwive had to run to the machine room to get it processed asap. it turned out that the baby's blood pH and bases were normal, so according to the NICE guidelines, we need to wait some more and no emergency caesarean, well, not yet. hence the waiting. the fetal blood sampling was taken 3 times, once every hour. thankfully, after the second sampling, the cervix began to dilate. but then the baby's position wasnt right; it was cephalic ie head down, but the baby was facing upwards. the baby supposed to face the mum's bum and has its back to mum's tummy. so the doc hoped the baby will turn to it's supposed position soon. hence more waiting. it was 2 pm and i hadnt eaten a single thing since i woke up this morning.

45 minutes later and thankfully the baby did turn. the mum pushed several times, but the baby was adamant and refused to move. so the spR was called and the ventouse or vacuum machine was pulled into the room. it was a weird looking thing. it was a.. vacuum. used to suck baby's head. it didnt look pleasant at all. the spR needed to work fast, as the baby blood sampling taken earlier (which was normal) was only valid for 1 hour. after that, they need to take another sampling and do another reading as the previous one will not be valid any more. the spR is a small indian guy, and he used all his might to pull the baby's head using the vacuum, but it was unsuccessful. so he used another device, one that i've heard so much about, the forceps. they look like a big pair of huge, unsharp, loops scissors. it wasnt the nicest device of all. so the spR put the forceps, one on each side of the baby's head, cutting some of the mum's perineal at the same time.

after several difficult pushings, the baby's head was out. but the umbilical cord was around the the baby's neck. the spR quickly cut the cord and carefully delivered the rest of the body. the baby's head was red sore. there were some markings too on the baby's face. but the baby was fine. he cried as soon as he came to this world. the dad was crying too. me? i was numb. shocked. shaken. hypoglycaemic. pale.

i was born with a ventouse and forceps as well. exactly like the baby today. his mum was a bit lucky, as she only required an episiotomy ie no tear. but i still hate the stitching. for me it's the worst part. as for the women who delivered me more than 25 years ago, she had a third degree tear. as if that was not enough, i was a difficult baby. i cried a lot, and got really sick several times.

as much as i want to have and hold my own child, i dont think i can have it. not now. not in the next few weeks. i thought caesarean is better, but after i watched 3 caesarean last week, well, there is no such thing as a pleasure surgery. a surgery IS a surgery, where someone cuts open your lower stomach, near the bikini line, tears it open with force using both hand. not cut, but tear ie robek, cos that way the muscles heal better. and then 5 layers of stitching. that is horrible as well. all i can is:

mother's love is eternal.

i miss mama. i'll call her tomoro.