My World

i'm not sure what to write. but i'll write anyway

sleepy head sleepy head**

ellina is back. she is as pleasant as always. and she bought me the lastest pesona pengantin magazine for me yey.

audit is still in progress. i need 5 more patients. 5 more. i need it by this weekend, as i hope to start processing it asap. i think my consultant wants to see them next week.

i start reading fictional books again. went to waterstones yesterday and they have a 3 for 2 book offer. quite a wide choice of books. the one i'm reading now is 'belledejour: the intimate adventures of a london call girl'. i'm pretty sure someone recommends it before but i cant remember who. was it huda? it contains exactly what it says in the title. in fact it is a compilation of blogs, yup, exactly like this one, except that the blogger/writer has a rather exciting job. i'm in my half way now, it's an okay-ish book, not brilliant, but readable, not exciting though. i think it is more that i dont understand some of her words; she uses terms and words that are not in the dictionary, if you know what i mean. like 'A-levels' means something else, i'm so sure it's not the real A-levels exams. and other few dodgy words and terms. i think she should at least produce an index for those beginners, or 'naive' readers like me haha. but i like memoir, i like reading someone's life journey. and i hope to finish this book by tomoro, as i plan to do my audit on the weekends.

the other book that i bought was recommended by one of my housemate. actually 2 of them. 'the shadow of the wind'. hopefully it's good. the last book i've not got a clue what is all about. nice cover though haha. i hope 'labyrinth' will be good.

what else happening in my life? i couldnt sleep for the last 3 nights and that's why i'm rather sleepy at the moment. nope, no other exciting news. oh yeah, it's the last week of winter sale, meaning drop dead low prices everywhere. somehow this winter sale hasnt been as successful as before, meaning they gonna drop the price even lower in order to get rid of last season stocks. meaning good news for people like me haha. imagine various perfume gift sets all under 17 pounds, meaning all under RM100? we are talking about cK, davidoff, gucci and all branded ones here. the thing is, i dont wear perfume. i have perfumes, but i rarely wear them, i'm just not a perfume person. and i'm not that rich to simply buy perfumes for fun. fine then.

i'm free tomoro. better off to work then. oh yeah, the nice people in the surgery gave me a raise. i'm 26 pounds richer every month now hi hi

i'm alright. still a bit shaken tho, but i'm fine. it is not possible to write about it in this blog; it is too personal. altho i hope to pour it all down here, on second thought, dont think i want to, cos it will be painful to read it again next time. and again, because this blog is not anonymous, i think it would be for the best to not pouring all what is in my head.

back to my life. life does go on, no matter what.

it is the 4th week of the option. my supervisor is on holiday this week, so i am free like a bird. i wish. altho i can be free if i want to (but) i'm attached myself, unofficially, to another geriatrician. she is nice too, like other geriatricians. but she only has 2 clinics a week, so i am still a bit free. i am not complaining, but this whole 4th year makes me kinda layzee. and i hate this timetable-less thing. i work best with a fixed one, with fixed routines so that i know when should i come and what should i cover. i guess that life after 3rd year would be like this from now on. i have to find the consultant myself, clinics and ward rounds to attend. it is heavily depended on my own initiatives, and that is the hardest part since i dont have the greatest motivation.

weekend went alright. nadine was here, and i was grateful to have such a good company. saturday was spent on my audit. i know i vowed to have saturday my free day, but i had to do something to keep my mind off things. then on sunday i spent some time to plan on my electives. man i hate planning and organising all of these school, formal stuff! i dont even plan and organise my life, and to organise compulsory things like my options and electives..it's really a pain in the ass. as usual, bla bla bla my own initiatives bla bla bla hassle hassle hassle! why dont they just give out a timetable on where to go, what to do, what to read. i wish! i have to send letters, make phone calls. and i havent even made up my mind on where to go!

the reason i dont organise my life is that my mind cant cope with all the expectation and responsibities. you see, with planning and organisation, come expectation and responsibities, and i cant do that. that is why i take one step at a time. but now comes another big big hassle; i have to decide whether to stay here working after grad or going back home. all i want is to finish my degree first! but since the job interview will come by at the end of this year, like it or not, i have to decide fast. and i dont like that. all i want is to finish my degree first, then think about what will happen later. i hate organisation.

gosh i am a whinger or what?

fine. FINE. i am annoyed.

fine. nothing for tomoro, like today. dragged my bum to the hospital this morning, did some audit, clerked some patients. like i am gonna do the same thing tomoro.

you know what? think i want to read again. it was my last year's resolution to read more, i mean fictional books, and last year i did read some books. but somehow at the end of last year i lost my will to read. fine, i will try to read again

more heartbreaking news from home

i dont think i can live

my eyes are swollen, my heart is broken

damn it hurts. a lot

ya Allah, Kau lindungi lah dia
Kau tabahkan lah dia
sesungguhnya Kau yang maha adil
si dia yang melindungi ku siang dan malam
ya Allah Kau lindungi lah dia
Kau lindungi lah dia

do give me strength to carry on
Kau lindungi lah dia

i'm bored.
it's friday night and i got nothing to do.
nothing on tv whatsoever.
no one at home. shanti went to salsa and yus to his usual friday night futsal. me home alone. on a friday nite. this sucks.

didnt realise that today is the 1st day for the memoirs of a geisha movie til i read today's newspaper. asked shanti if she's free tomoro. unfortunately not. she's going to huddersfield tomoro afternoon. guess i have to spend weekend alone then, again, like last week. i shouldnt complaint. cant wait for ellina to come back. life is too boring without her.

someone is a pengapit this weekend. azali! he is the pengapit for his friend's wedding, sidek, ring any bell? he's a kmys-ian, but dont worry, i too cant remember his face. sidek got a girl who used to come to kmys too to do matriculation under upm (zu. remember? nope? neither do i hihi). she apparently lives near to my parents' house in jaya gading, kuantan. sidek got engaged to this girl last year and azali tagged along to act as a guide since he has been to jaya gading before when he visited my parents. alih2 sidek asked azali to be his pengapit tomoro, when the wedding will take place. i dont think azali has ever been any pengapit before. well, good luck, honey! it seems that he is also been booked by another friend to be pengapit, next month in seremban. fuyo bz gitu hihi. pity that my parents are not at home. they met with sidek's parents during his engagement and they would like very much to attend his wedding.

my plan for the weekend? not-a-thing. zero. ilek. yeah yeah my audit. yeah yeah read a bit. but not on saturday. i declare saturday a free day. i will do whatever i want. memoirs of a geisha? maybe. enjoy my free M&S vouchers? tempting. lay on the bed, under the duvey, with the remote on my right hand, me watching tv/dvd all day? definitely. have a nice weekend everyone

sejuk weh sejuk brrrrr seriously sejuk...
my nose are blocked. even the steroid spray didnt help. the magnificient panadol cold & flu also didnt help. it all started yesterday. i went to work at the usual place, which is situated in an old building and my workplace is at the top most. being an old old surgery at an old old building does not making it the cleaniest place to work. the symptoms are the same as rhinitis; blocked and runny nose at the same time, making me hard to breath. the steroid helps a little and i really hope i dont get flu or even worse, chest infection that i used to have in the past.

you see, last month i was thinking of quitting my job at the old surgery. i thought i need to concentrate on my course more, or that i need to get a nearer workplace to save with the transport. but i would not go without saying goodbye, as i promise the surgery's secretary whom i share my office with, that i would not just leave like that when that day comes. then yesterday was a free day so i thought, why not just go there to see the place one more time and work a few hours as i can use with some extra quid.

when i arrived, everybody was smiling and said hello. they asked about my trip back home, about my fiance whom they know i miss a lot, about my study etc. i felt warm instantly. then the practice manager said he got a scanner that he wants me to learn to use, to scan all the surgery's letters. this is no ordinary scanner, it can scan up to 20 papers in a go, super fast, as fast as a laser printer. and it connects to the medical record system that i use all this time. i like to learn new stuff, especially if it got something to do with computers and electronics. when i learn new stuff, meaning i got new skill, and i like that. then on top of that, the surgery gave me (and the other stuff) some christmas presents as a token of appreciation. i got huge huge boxes of biscuits and chocolates and toffees yum yum. plus some mark&spencer vouchers!!

man i like this place. i know i cannot stop working there. dah la working hour super super super flexible, i can come whenever i want (as long as it is 6 hours or more per week). and i can do overtime anytime i want, any amount of hours i want. which is good in holiday time. then i got some annual leave some more. can you believe that? a year i got 4 weeks leave i think. which is great. then they understand when i got exams and gave me plenty of time to study. and the gps also offer to teach me and even gave me some of their old books! how great is that? i am so happy working there, and i learnt a lot. A LOT. that is the best part. i met lots of new friends, learnt lots of new skill, learnt how to carry responsibilities, and building up my confidence. i am definitely going to miss this place when the day comes for me to say my final goodbye.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha :)

alo again.

i'm at the robinson library now. finished my morning session in QEH about an hour ago and i went straight to the library to do some audit work. i knew that if i go home, i wont do much work, with the cold house and the bed keeps on calling me. i have to wear thermal socks, plus leg warmers, plus some bedroom slippers at home. that's why i rather go straight to the library, where it is warmer.

come to think of it, i am not that busy. i dont have a fixed timetable. i only need to spend half the day in the hospital, the most. my consultant, who is also my supervisor for my audit, is rather nice. well, you would expect a consultant geriatrician to be nicer than, well, orthopaedic surgeon, wouldnt you? the thing i like most about my consultant is that he is very nice and patient to his patients. well, as expected of a geriatrician, right? that's why i like geriatrics. full of nice old people, each with unique stories to tell, with nice bunch of doctors. even the registrar whom i met last week was super cheerful. and i like geriatrics because it is like general medicine, with chest infection, constipation, dehydration, delirium, and stroke and parkinson's disease, you know, things that med students should know. not like other specialities, like obs & gynae or orthopaedics, with its all weird terms and procedures.

weekend went alright. got a rather sad news from home on saturday, so i was very disturbed and depressed all day. i then poured all my heart out to azali on sunday morning, i felt alright afterwards and went to the library to do some audit work. my consultant seemed pleased with my audit work this morning, so i guess the weekend was productive.

i am missing someone terribly at the moment. i always talk to her twice a week, and we talk for ages. now she is at mekah and of course i couldnt talk to her as often and as long as i want to. i miss my mum :(

something amazing happened today.

it all started yesterday. i lost one of my gloves. nothing amazing, it was at the end the day, i was kinda tired and tercicir one of my gloves. before that i went to a sock shop at grainger market to buy some warm bed socks before heading to wilko to buy some tissues. it was while at wilko when i realised i lost my glove. i tracked back my way to find it and ended up at the sock shop to ask the owner if he found any glove. his answer was disappointing.

today i went to the sock shop again to buy some leg warmers. it got really really cold nowadays so i thought it would be really useful to have some leg warmers. the shop owner saw me and asked me if i was the girl who lost a glove yesterday. he said someone had found a glove along the road between grainger market and wilko and gave it to him. i recognise the glove instantly; belang2 putih, hitam, coklat and hijau; it was my glove. i was speechless. for someone to find my glove, who kindly enough to pick it up, then gave it to 'my' sock shop, out of so many sock shops in grainger market, for me to come back to the same shop today for the shop owner to still recognise me.. that's pretty amazing, isnt it? well, not for all, but it is for me, not everyday i lost something and found it again. and i didnt even bought that gloves from that sock shop. i bought it from h&m.

nice day huh.

oh yeah, i got my exam results today. and i passed!! what a day.

and today i talked to a very lovely old lady in the hospital. oh i like geriatrics..

gonna be kinda busy soon. for the first time i got myself an organiser. was very, very, VERY, tempted to get those filofax, tapi takde duit lah huhu. i didnt work last month sbb balik mesia, so no extra money lor this month huhu.

why cant today be friday? then it would be perfect..really perfect. but then you cant have everything..

miss them already. damn i hate shoulder pads..whoever advise me to have them in the future aku sepak huh

iwan, abah, mama, jiman, kak lysa and me.
17/12/05 jiman's commission and graduation

hello again.

i'm back since friday, but as usual, the withdrawal syndrome..makes me want to stay under the duvey all day. maybe i'll write about my trip back home one day..one nice day.. not sure when.

today's supposed to be my first day of my option. geriatric in QEH, gateshead. the offer letter asked me to meet my supervisor at 9.30, but it didnt mention about date nor day. even the hosp letter mentioned my attachment starts on tuesday, 4th jan (today, tuesday, is 3rd jan). and i just came back on friday night and didnt have time to call them to confirm the date of the appointment. it turned out that the appointment is for tomoro. so i went to gateshead this morning for nothing. well, at least i know where to go tomoro morning, not that it is hard to find the place. so here i am, in the computer lab in med school. went to gp surgery before that to renew my prescription, and to the med school office to get a copy of my hep B and rubella status for the hosp's occupational health assessment tomoro. think i'll spend some time in the library after this to read some geriatric books. i didnt read or touch a single book for a month, and i havent met or taken history from patients for 5 months, so i better prepare myself. i never meet my supervisor before, dont know what is he like, so i need to make a good impression. at least i try.

am alone in a very, very cold place. dont expect me to write on this blog that often..