My World

weekend... bless...

i had an interesting week. went to the newcastle malaysian night on wednesday night and it was a blast! i enjoyed my time there, met up with some new and old friends and taught some mat sallehs to play batu seremban! unfortunately i left my camera at ellina's studio so i have to wait for photos from her camera instead. she's busy at the moment doing her work and she can be a bit garang when she's doing that so i'm definitely wont be knocking her door to ask for some wee photos ahaks. so you guys have to wait and i'll definitely going to post it later.

school-wise, i was doing critical care so i spent the week at the ICU and HDU with the anaesthetists and i found it very interesting. like what nadine said, anaesthetists are one of the geniusest people out there and i couldnt agree more. but i dont think it's for me. one, i'm not a genius so i dont think my mental ability is up to it, two, i'm in love with medicine and i'm positive that is what i want to do. the sad thing is that i'll be doing orthopaedics next week. i dont like orthopaedic. not just that, i hate orthopaedics. seb baik it's only for a week, so i just have to face those morons for a week and be patient and try to cover my oh-so-transparent hatred face as much as i could ahaks.

anyway, it's 2 week b4 easter break! gosh how time flies! but it's not the holiday i'm looking for, it's something else. someone is coming over... mama! yup, she's coming for a week and i'm so looking forward for it. no word can describe how i feel right now. happy? hu uh. excited? yeah. terkinja2, lompat2 excited? definitely! i'm like that, when i'm happy with something, i cant contain my excitement to myself. from past experience, when i feel like this, i'll go and share it with someone and then be a right pain in the ass cos ter-over excited sgt. so what i do now is lompat2 kat bilik sorang2 and do as much pysical activity as i can in order to burn out the adrenaline. i've been walking to town a lot lately and that helps. azali pun sometimes pening with me when i get way too excited over something hehe

so, mama's coming.. jeee... you can imagine i got a wide smile on my face at this right moment. she'll be stopping over at dubai and tehran for a few days before coming to the uk on the 12th of april. i'll then 'culik' her from my uncles and bring her to newcastle where she'll be staying for a week. i've already bought the train tickets and everything else, i promise to greet her at the airport, and i hope that everything will be in order when she arrives. organisation tuuu hehe. i plan to organise a mini trip while she's here, initially i plan to board an overnight cruise to amsterdam from north shield port near newcastle here. but then with the small amount of time she's here, plus she said she went to amsterdam some long time ago when i was still a baby, plus me takut mabuk laut, so i decided to cancel that plan. think i'll bring her to edinburgh. my mum is like me, we think more or less alike, so it's easier for me to organise my trip plan. we dont prefer to travel unless it's necessary, cos it will exhaust us a lot from the anxiety-ness, and we dont travel for its castles or any historical remarks. so what do we like? i know a thing that would definitely make her eyes wide open... shopping malls with lots of handbags! hahah. so that's exactly why i will bring her to edinburgh where i'm sure she'll enjoy the huge handbag collections at harvey nichols. perfect!

all of these planning and excitement are making me exhausted. i cant concentrate on my studies for i will be thinking about mama, like, every 5 seconds. ji ji ji cant wait for her to come. she's definitely wont be coming for my graduation this july for it's too near to meda's, my sis-in-law due date, so i'm glad she's coming this time, especially before my big exams this june. oh mama, jaga diri baik2 ye sekrg, jgn jatuh sakit or anything ye, for i really want to see your face at the heathrow airport on the 12th! he he he. good night :)

everyday since the last entry i planned to write the next one, but asyik tak sempat2 jek. well, that's not the only excuse. i'm still angry and annoyed, with the previous topic, as well as everything else, so i cant write, or else i write something nasty, like the previous entries. i suspect it's that time of the month again huh.

anyway today i finally managed to persuade myself to write a line or two. i'll start with the weekend. you know i was moody and angry at the end of last week, so i didnt go to hospital on thursday. how can i concentrate if my head is boiling? then i felt guilty. final is just around the corner and i let my emotion took over my head. so i went to the hospital on saturday. wah i never knew hospital here is so damn quiet and empty on saturday. i wonder how is it on sunday? anyway, it was a very good decision, i had the wards ALL by myself, managed to do lots of work and thus i felt satisfied and good.

i wished i had stayed longer but then in the afternoon i had to go to the malaysian night rehearsal meeting. yup, i'm one of the volunteers and guess what will i do on that night? ha ha main batu seremban!! traditional games gitu ahaks! me gonna wear baju kebaya (tapi takde kain batik plak hi hi) and be perempuan melayu gitu. euww... well that's the idea. i'm supposed to teach how to play batu seremban that night haha. why oh why did i volunteer to help? firstly, to get a cheaper ticket! muahahaha volunteer ticket is nearly half price maa hehe. jahat gile.. shhh. and the other reason was that this year would (hopefully) be my final year here in newcastle, so might as well join in while i can. and the last reason was to meet other people. i'm in hospital most days now and didnt see anyone else except my housemates, so hopefully i can meet other malaysians (boleh percaya tak this reason? i'm not ahahh). anyway, it's this wednesday night and i hope it will be a good one.

ok back to the topic. after the rehearsal on saturday afternoon, i met up with some friends for a lunch in wagamama. heaven! makan, makan and makan, then we went for coffee in cafe nero. this place has the best chocolate drink in newcastle, it's melted chocolate plus whipped cream and it tastes heaven! we stayed there for a few hours, i think, and i had such a great time with such a great company.

i didnt do much on sunday. finished sewing some batu seremban (all 15 of them!) and watched tv. did a little bit of reading but it didnt work. i was too tired i guess. and i'm tired today as well. i had a long day today and had to force my eyes and brain to work. finished at half six and guess i'm sleeping early today. no use to do revision if your brain is tired and not prepared. i prefer a couple of hours of full concentration with an alert and awake brain then spending 24 hours facing a book with a sleepy and tired brain. well that's how i work. hah! cant believe i did it again. i just realise i tried to reason and justify my action AGAIN. i always do that. cant you see what i'm trying to do just now? i tried to justify my decision to have an earlier night instead of doing my revision. i need to stop this 'justifying' thing. it's becoming more obvious. you know i always preach that i am the only person who can decide what i want to do, and yet i'm continually trying to find a reason behind every action, usually the ones that i felt guilty about.

you know what, i think this is the sleepy brain writing. i've written too much. i'm too sleepy and tired, and i'm going to bed now. selamat malam...

ps: oh yeah... it's F1 this weekend!! wooo hoooo!! me so happy :D. ok back to bed zzzzz

guys will ALWAYS be guys

a guy i know and respect had a mistress behind his wife's back. he said he did it for curiosity and that other of his friends are doing it as well. yeah... your friends makan taik then you also want to makan taik la?

a guy i know and respect is still going out with girls besides having a girlfriend and insists that they are just friends. mind you, he only goes out with beautiful, gorgeous girls and totally tak kisah mampus-ko-jatuh-longkang on plain, not-so-beautiful girls. like you think we're blind and stupid?

a guy i know and respect has just broken up with his girlfriend and posted pictures of him with another girl who definitely looks like a bitch. and yeah, he insists the new girl has 'a good heart' and fails to notice that she was the mastermind behind the breakup. a good example of stupidity and buta, of course

MACAM CELAKA

LETAK OTAK KAT BONTOT

most guys are that. fucking serious

i wouldnt dream to say this to these people who i know not just for short while, but YEARS AND YEARS but they are indeed MACAM CELAKE

this is not just being moody. this is being totally angry and super pissed off

tade mood tade mood

................................................................

langsung tade mood. surgery sucks! fine, it's just the first week but surgery sucks! even before you start it, the surgical tutor said to avoid this and that surgeons cos apparently they dont like teaching and they particularly dislike medical students. d'oh.. talking about keeping student motivated. especially student like me who is not very motivated anyway. the timetable is disorganised, seminars and lectures been cancelled twice this week at 10 minutes after the supposed time, and some are cancelled as well for next week. there are only 2 surgical wards to cover between 9 of us, and that do not include 3rd years and 4th years' option students. i hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate surgery!!!

takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood takde mood

which makes me moody as well

WEI ADE ORG PEKAK KE DUK KAT UMAH NI??? HAVE THE TV ON AT SUPER DUPER TOP VOLUMES???

fuck off

when i'm moody, i'm evil

just spent 5 hours today cooking... and me soo liiiikkkee it :D i find it soooo theraupeutic. i made chicken rendang, nasi tomato, a bit of sayur campur and bubur caca. masak.. think i must be a cook in my previous life. i like to cook alone, then pk tu pk ni, mostly reflection bout what's been happening in my life, you know when you want to stand still for a while and have a think about something. what's that word in malay.. ber-.. ala if you think for a while about what's been happening around you tu? anyway hope you got what i mean. i like to do that while i'm cooking, or while i'm on the bus, travelling alone. pk tu pk ni, then try to make some conclusions, or just think about what i did in the past few days.

anyway, back to the cooking topic, i just discovered something last week. i like to cook, genuinely (providing no one force me to cook, you know i got issues with ppl pushing me..), then i thought i would have no problem when i got married, cos then i would be able to cook not just for myself, but also for my husband. azali seemed to like my cooking, i used to cook for him for 2 weeks when i spent easter hols at his place many, many seasons ago. so i thought he would be happy to know that i like to cook and that i will cook for him after we got married. his respond surprised me. he asked me NOT to cook too often after we got married. WHAT? his reason is that he likes my cooking so much that he tends to over-eat himself and so making him put on weight. WHAT? when do guys worry about their weight? he said that since the last easter hols that i used to cook for him everyday he got himself a bulging tummy and he couldnt get rid of it until now. WHAT? seriously? i was surprised and flatted, and found it funny and sad at the same time. surprised for his respond. i thought guys would like it when their partner cook for them. i was flatted because he said he likes my cooking. i found it funny because i didnt know he was worried about his tummy (i found it cute anyway :p). and i was sad because i couldnt cook as often as i like after i marry. anyway, this was one of the best compliment he ever gave me (mind you, azali is not the type who give compliments, so you need to understand why i still remember this one). he said this while he was eating, his mouth was full with food that i had cooked for him:

'awak ni (mulut penuh ni.. ngam ngam), kalau masak tu biarlah sedap aje, jgn la sedap sgt, nnt saya makan byk sgt tak ingat dunia'

:DDDDDDD

gosh, i do love this guy. i really do. it amazes me everytime when i think of the many years we've been together, and yet my love to him never ceases. hope there is jodoh antara kite ye...

alo alo it's half one in the morning and i'm still awake. why? cos i have no class tomorrow! and i plan to wake up late! saje nak tido lambat, so that boleh bangun lambat hehe (org cam ni pun ade ke hehe). today supposed to be the last day of medicine rotation, meaning assessment day, and since i've already had mine yesterday, meaning i dont have anything today and dont have to go to the hosp. heaven! dont get me wrong, i enjoy medicine tremendously lately, but it is nice to wake up late and not thinking about revision once in a while.

this week has been another busy one. especially with the assessment that i was having yesterday. it was a long case assessment, of course i was nervous cos i dont like the uncertainty part, meaning you wont know what kind of patient you're having up to until you ask them about the reason they came to the hosp. well i can say it's the same in all assessments, you wont know what they are going to ask or else there wont be any assessment, will there? anyway, it went well and i was so happy! muehehehe. i was happy becos it's over and now i can have a long weekend. i'm starting surgery on monday and am so not looking forward for that. havent met any nice surgeon yet. all that i met were all arrogant and snobbish. and i'll be seeing them everyday for next 8 weeks. so not looking forward for that.

i received a sad news last weekend. one of my aunt passed away for chest infection. i wasnt closed to her, but again i'm not closed to any of my relatives. but arwah had always been there. she was my dad's eldest sister and she lived with my grandma so she had always been around. i used to live with my grandma when i was young and she was there too. and i know my cousins ie arwah's children quite well cos we grew up together. the death was unexpected so i was quite sad to hear how my cousins took the news. i couldnt help myself but to imagine being in their shoes. i could not, and would not forgive myself if it happens to me. no, no i know i shouldnt think like this, but one cannot help but to think this way when one is away from one's family. astagfirullah. anyway, this event has made me more determine to pass my exams this june. i want to pass my exams and go home and spend good quality time with my loved ones. cos you never know when they are going to leave you.

anyway, shall we talk about something more cheerful now? hmm... i bought a really nice top earlier this week but i dont know whether it suits me. really nice blue colour, but it's long and covers my bum, and you know about me and my bum. one reason why i wear short tops and shirts, cos apparently my upper half body is a different size to my lower ones, so everything that fits the upper half wont fit the bottom half, got what i mean? hmm i think my attempt to write something cheerful is not working...

oklah, think i need to sleep now. tomoro's plan: wake up late haha. then get some shower, then walk to the uni to meet ellina at about 3ish, then we'll go to ikea together. why ikea? cos they have one of the best fish and chips here. of course la after north shields' fish and chips haha. then ronda2 metro centre, and maybe catch a movie later tomoro night? hehe best best jalan2 on the weekday cos less people on the street hihi. good night.