My World

less than a week to go.... and i got sick!

talking about the right timing...

noticed there was this one swelling at the lateral part of my neck at the right side for a few days. and it got bigger and bigger each time i palpated it. and it is tender too. then i got this headache, worse on lying down or bending over, and i cant move my neck as freely as i want it to be. and i noticed i got some fever too, thought it was the weather, but i took anti-pyretics nevertheless, being a self-medicate freak i am. then the symptom got worse and i was nauseous and lost some appetite too. so i went to see the doc and she said it was my tonsils and prescribed me with some antibiotic and analgesia but she thought the unilateral lymph nodes enlargement was rather strange so she asked me to come back again this tuesday. arghhhhh! i want to be at my greatest condition for my wedding! is it too much to ask??

guess i have to accept every qada and qadar..

on a different note, my pengapit has decided to make herself unavailable on the day of the wedding. it wasnt her fault, my cousin that is, it is her graduation day on that same day and it takes place at indonesia, where she used to study. talking about bad coincidence huh. so i asked ellina to become my pengapit but she hasnt replied but i reckon she would decline it as i, more than once, told her that i wont want a fair girl to become my pengapit cos it may tenggelamkan me as a bride. sound silly, but there is some truth behind it if you think about it. everyone has their own insecurities and having a not-so-fair skin is one of mine. and knowing ellina with her kind and good intention as a friend, i would expect her to decline, and i'm totally understand and fine with that.

so, back to the main issue, who is going to be my pengapit? hehe i already thought of something and got a back-up plan. my sister! she is fair, i know, but for some reason i'm more relaxed now (actually, more like want to settle this issue asap and want to get through the whole event asap), and she was the one who volunteered herself and i love her so dearly and thought, why not? she is married, yes, but if you see her, she looks like a teenager and you would not have guessed her age is 3* (hehe). and because i couldnt fulfill my dream to become her pengapit when she got married last year (because i couldnt return home), so i guess by letting her become my pengapit somehow fulfill my own dream a little bit. sound like it doesnt make any sense but what is important is my own feeling and i know now i feel honoured to have her as my pengapit.

i think i'm talking mumble jumble. think it's the antibiotics. arghhh oncall tonite! will try to finish my tasks asap so that i can have an early sleep. pray for me to get better!