me and my head

5/07/2006 03:40:00 PM 0 Comments »
it's been a while since i last wrote here. it's not that i have no time, it's just that i dont feel like writing on this blog. this blog has somehow.. lost its purpose. i dunno..i dont feel free anymore to write here. felt like someone, somewhere out there watches me everytime. yeah..what do you expect, it's a damn blog, ie web log, where it's accessible to all those who have internet connections. if i want to have a private log, then i should have written in a microsoft word and just save it in the computer. or i can just create a new blog and be totally anonymous. that's what i feel now; i dont feel anonymous anymore. feel like there are phantom readers out there who read my blog everyday, except that they are not phantom, but someone who i know and definitely knows me. well.. what do i expect, it's a blog anyway, where anyone, anywhere can read it. now the idea of having a new blog, totally anonymous blog seems very tempting..

anyway, you are a bit lucky today, dear blog, as i have a slightish mood to write here. maybe it's because there is nothing on the tele. tried to do a lil bit of work, but with only 3 more weeks to go, plus no assessment whatsoever, with one of the easiest (and relaxing!) option so far, honestly, i have no work to do. seriously. i'm doing complementary and alternative medicine now, all i have to do is to attend every session arranged and fill the e-portfolio and have it signed at the end of the option. the sessions consist of all sorts of relaxing therapies, like yoga, reflexology, herbal medicine, hypnotherapy, aromatherapy, acupucture etc, where all i have to do is to be there and listen. it's very relaxing haha. i deliberately choose this option because it's the last one before i'm off to do my electives. since my first 2 options were quite full and busy, i thought i deserved one last relaxing, not-so-busy option. and i got exactly that :D

so it's 3 more weeks to go. then 2 more weeks of totally, utterly free time before i'm going home. home sweet home la la la. everything is sorted. almost. i've bought the tickets and everything. there's still a few more things to do, like writing my resignation letter, preparing the mara letter, and waiting for the acceptance letter from usm for my electives. i'm going to spend the whole july in kubang kerian for my electives. honestly, i cant wait, it's one of my dream to experience being like a student in a local uni. i bet it's gonna be totally different. i bet local uni students are more hardworking and more skema. well, they dont have to worry about homesick and food, for instance. food are definitely cheaper there, with no worries about the content of all canned food. money is not that huge problems back home, eating out only costs you less than a fiver, where else here it's impossible to eat out even once a week. anyway, i'm still waiting for the acceptance letter from usm. hopefully everything goes as planned.

some other not-so-important stuff that happened in this past few weeks or so:

cant wait for nadine to come back from malaysia. he's gonna bring me my zen. my sis gave it to him today and nadine's coming over to newcastle in 2 weeks time. 2. more. weeks. to. go. cant. wait!!

miss azali ever-so-terribly (no surprise there!). i know we're longed to spend some good quality time together, just the two of us, away from everyone else, so i booked a trip for us. it's somewhere not so close, not so near, and i hope we do get to spend some good time together and just relax ourselves. you might thought 5-6 years are enough to know someone, when in fact we are still learning to get to know and accept each other. or maybe it's just me, for being such a complicated and difficult person to get along with!! haha. well, i cant wait for the trip. it's my first time organising a trip, i'm gonna plan like i never plan before hehe as long as it doesnt make my anxiety worse haha

i've just told mu'azzah that i couldnt come to her wedding this june. she seems kinda sad. sori mu', i really do. when i saw those wedding pictures of some old school friends, with lots and lots of familiar ex-schoolmate guests, i know i couldnt come. i couldnt imagine coming to see and meet those familiar faces. i just couldnt. i couldnt face being judged. altho i've always said that i dont damn care about what other people talk about me, when actually in fact i do care. and i can imagine hearing they say, oh dah tak pakai tudung skrg, or, oh dah lawa skrg ye, or, make-up tebal nampak, or, bergaya siut! i dunno. i have left my past, i totally buried them away, and meeting these people of my past seems very very scary. the people that i'm still in contact now are those i choose to remain in contact with, and these people are not a lot. so, sori again mu', i really do. i know it's kind of a selfish excuse, and i didnt expect you to understand.

exactly 1 month to go! as you can imagine, i have this countdown thing in my head, like, every 5 seconds. as you might have guessed, i already packed and ready to go! haha. i really wish azali could pick me up at klia, he seems reluctant to do so, and i cant figure out his true reason. it's his face that i want to see first, than anyone else in these whole wide world! enough enough we got your point, you miss your fiance so much bla bla bla :p

whatelse whatelse. i'll write later when i got more ideas. i'm gonna make my dinner now. wish i could just buy my dinner in some mamak stall huh