kaseh..

2/23/2010 11:55:00 AM 2 Comments »

i was mms-ing with hubby this afternoon while revising when he sent me something that made my day.

first i sent him (mms) of a framed picture that is currently standing on my study table (i took with my mobile) of both of us many years ago. it was at least 7-8 years old, it was a picture of us during one of our earliest date. i remembered it was taken in an instant photo booth in one of the shopping malls in birmingham (about 30 minutes by train from coventry - hubby uni place). i remembered i was throwing a tantrum on that day, over something silly and unimportant. during our early relationship, i tend to show my true colours, like speaking whatever in my mind and really show if i was not satisfied over something, in order to test him whether he could handle my karenah. my thought at that time was that before our relationship could go on further and before i could start caring and loving him and giving him some of my heart, i would show him the real me aka the good, the bad and the hell of me. so that if he decided that he could not handle me and my head, he would just leave without breaking my heart. got it?

this is just one of the weird and not-so wonderful things on how things work in my head haha. part of it is a defence mechanism, in order to prevent my heart from getting hurt. and i thought all guys will eventually leave me as a result of not able to handle me and my complicated head haha. and never in a million years i would have thought to find a guy who could accept me for who i am. even my mother used to say that i am such a difficult and complicated person and that she could never understand how things work in my head.

ok, back to the present day. i sent an mms to hubby of an old pic that i framed and currently on my table. you know those instance photo booth where you have to sit in a box, pull the curtain, insert some money into a machine and then it would take and print your pics in various sizes of your choice. in our case, we choose a passport-sized photo that comes in 4-piece a set. i remember keeping 2 of them, with the other 2 for him. i sent a piece to my mum in malaysia (who was ever so eager and excited to see the guy who, to them, miraculously 'willing' to take me as his girlfriend haha). and i was supposed to keep the other piece, and typical me, i lost it eventually. the piece of pic that was sent to malaysia was framed by my mum (dono why.. obsessed over her complicated daughter's boyfriend? lol) and it was on my mum's make-up table before i found it (rather embarassedly) and decided to take it with me to be put on my current study table. it was this framed pic of the young version of hubby and i that i took a picture with my mobile before sending it thru mms to hubby with a written note 'Masih ingatkah..?'

i expected him to reply by giving an mms pic of his face ke, his office table ke, or his beloved red car ke. but instead he sent me an mms of a picture of his wallet, with the 2 piece of pics of us, the very same picture that i framed (well, my mum who framed it), took a mobile phone picture, sent an mms to him, ie the one that we took at an instant photo booth, some 7-8 years ago..

i never realised he still kept those pics in his wallet all these while. and he still have it up to this day..

*smitten smitten* (hehe sengih kerang busuk sorang2.. takpe aa janji hati berbunga2 :pppp)

i remembered the day when i first introduced him to my family. well, it wasnt a proper meeting, he and i took the same flight back to malaysia, with me dropping off at klia while he had to transit at klia before going to kota bharu. i remembered my mum, and 2 of my bros (jiman n iwan) took a flight from kuantan to klia. abah was at shah alam attending a meeting at that time, and he drove all the way to klia. while kak lysa drove from ampang to klia. all of these was done for them to meet this guy who they deemed some kind of a 'magic' or 'miracle' guy (lol silly isnt?)who could actually handle me and accept me and willling to take me to a more serious relationship. i found it funny, and a bit sad too, to find out how my family sees me..

i am easily be the plainest (nice word to be used to replace the word 'unattractive' haha) girl in class, with not a single guy would look at me twice and ask me out. i aint the fairest, nor do i have the smoothest skin, or the brightest personality, or the sweetest smile, or the straightest nose, or the widest eye, or the best body. i am the plainest of plain.

i never thought i could find a guy who could love me, and accept me, for who i am. i know i am a complicated person, and can be really, really difficult at times (you have no idea how difficult i can be, believe me) and along with my complicated, not-so-straight and smooth life, there is actually a guy, out of millions and millions of male species out there, that i managed to find, and him to find me and accept me for who i am. it is such an unbelievably miracle..

i'm really really grateful to have found him in my life. i am grateful to have someone who would stand by me at my darkest hours, when even my own flesh and blood would deny me..

i am grateful that such a person exists and gives me so much happiness. i am grateful and blessed for this happiness, and even if something happens in the future, i would still be grateful for being granted such happiness in my short life. i would rather own happiness and loss it, rather than not having it all. at the peak of my mum's sadness, she said that she rather not meet my father at all than having to bear all the sadness and tears of him changing his heart and betraying her. but i disagree. i would rather experience all the happiness, and if Allah decides to take it back, i would accept it unconditionally. who am i to question His willing? but for now, i will gather and enjoy as much happiness that i can and pouring all my heart to my beloved, and if someday he leaves, i will have to accept it.

for the guy who stole my heart and owns it, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the happiness that you've given me and that i shall cherish every single moment of us, until the day He decides to part us, life or death..