My World

am currently in a very foul mood. really really foul mood. to that someone. only to that one person. that person better not calling me at the time like this. and that person doest even know it.

weekend. bliss. i wish.

been browsing the net for some time and came across some friends' wedding pictures over at fotopages. some were grand, others were simple, but i can say that most of the wedding couples looked happy. i'm not sure about myself though. the closer the wedding date is, the less enthusiast i become. for some reason i'm not looking forward for it. this is mainly attributed by not one, but two persons. currently hate them too bits. it's true what people say, the persons who are dearest to you can also hurt you the most. so true.

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my trip back home last weekend was, to say it in the nicest way possible, not as exciting as i would anticipate it to be. most of the time i spent ronda2 at around kl, namely at jalan tar, pavilion and klcc, alone. my plan to spend quality time together with loved ones turned out to be a failure. and it made me learnt one BIG lesson: people move on and i cant expect everything to be like it was before. the planned family gathering was a quiet, if not boring, event. everyone has a different path of life now. and with that person not in speaking term with me anymore, it made life more misrable, as that person used to be closest to me. and i spent the whole 3 days wandering around kl, almost aimlessly. on the final day, i was quite upset and i decided to do the thing i always do when i'm feeling down, that is walking. i walked and walked and walked and tried to make sense of things, at least something. and that was when i realised about it: people have moved on and they do changed, so it's about time for me to move too. mentally, i have been standing on this one spot for a long time, and for some reason i refuse to move. and i need to know this reason. some say i already know the reason, but maybe am too blind to realise it. maybe i have to learn it the hard way.

enough writing. it is so easy to go back to that pitch hole again, and i will not allow it. that was a promise i made to myself some time ago. if everything is lost and all that remains are a lie, all that i know is true are all the promises that i'd made to myself. they are the only ones that is true and selfless and honest, and i shall keep that for the rest of my life.

so CHEER UP elly. you know you're stronger than this and you know that you will get through this. and yes i will.