My World

i read the first 2 books and i thought it was good. not as good as harry potter though, but better than some other fantasy books. it just came out a couple of days ago, at least at the uk and us, but i'm not sure about malaysia. will try to get this soon, am desperate to read some good books. i'm a bit fussy on choosing fictional books, but when i like one author, i usually stick to them and try to get the rest of the books. i hope to get this for the raya break, i know i need to read up so many other things ie academic books, but i think i should allow myself to read fiction books once in a while. i think it'll do good to the mind ;)

i have 10 minutes to spare so here goes..

2 more days to go before the raya break. will be having a week off. plan to drive on thursday morning, alone. will make sure that i have enough sleep that night. 5 hours of driving is ok, i just hope they dont have that many traffics on the road. that's why i plan to leave on thursday, instead of friday.

my wedding card is due to be ready tomoro. i hope it will turn out well. will start to post it to my guests, so will need to gather the addresses soon.

will be doing most of the wedding stuff during this break. that's why i'm bringing the car home - senang and faster to move around. might be driving to kl too. i've never driven in kl before. i hope it will be ok.

more about the wedding. one more month to go. am not as excited as i thought i would be. am excited tho for the union of me and my beloved, but am so not looking forward for the event. planning your own wedding is not fun at all. i cant understand why some people like to be at the centre of attention. where all of the guests, i mean ALL, will be looking at you, taking your picture somemore. one would be very, very anxious i tell you. on a lighter note, my hair is not as long as i would like it to be. well, you cant force your hair to grow, can you?

plan to have, at least, 1 buka puasa with ellina. are you free some time next week? we can buka puasa at somewhere close to your workplace.

mum is coming on the day after tomoro. abah got a meeting somewhere close, well, 1 hour from my place, so mum is planning to come and buka puasa with me. i thought that is nice of her; after all that has been happening between us.

anyway, that's all the time i have for now. calo!

am not well currently. there are a few things that may have caused it i think

- over-exhaustion. been doing oncalls for several nights in a row now. want to finish all 12 nights before raya so that i can concentrate on the study

- been having cold and runny nose for some time now, all the fluid lost hence the dehydration. been taking anti-histamines almost everyday - these makes you even drier

- took this multivitamin tablet yesterday, in my attempt to boost more energy. mum recommended it. besides all the multivitamin contents, it also has ginseng. yup, it did me some wonder; i worked non-stop since last night, was full with energy with only a few hours of sleep, but then this afternoon i was as lembik as a leaf..

anyway, tomoro's nuzul quran day and we are having a day off. AS IF. my groupmates plan to attend an orthopaedic ward and clinic, in an attempt to find more 'interesting' cases. plus those case reports not yet finished. and those learning objectives for cfcs cases. guess i'm not having a day off then.

been forcing myself to eat at least twice a day, on sahur and buka puasa. need more energy!

anyway, apologise for the previous entry. i shouldnt have posted it. it was written when yours truly was having one of her bad days. the trip back home was not as bad as i made it sound to be. as i said before, it's so easy to go negative in any situation. i should have reminded myself to look at the brighter side. ok here goes..

i managed to see maisarah! she's soooo... well, she meant everything to me. and she remembers me! she had a huge smile on her face when i popped my head at the door and said 'maisarah!' and then she walked towards me and hugged me. and then for the next 1/2 hour she couldnt leave her eyes off me and she even cried when i left for the toilet! :D was so happy at that time :DD

i also managed to catch a movie that weekend after mengidam for some time for cinemas. altho there werent any good movies left, but at least i managed to go to see one. i went to see the mummy 3: the dragon emperor tomb at the pavilion. well, i wont comment on the movie, it's unfortunate for them not to have rachel weiss this time and that women that replaced her, hmm, she was kinda annoying, but then i always have a crush on brandon fraser and how cute he was in that movie! tee hee hee

after that movie, i had to find a way to go to the crown princess hotel for a ramadhan buffet with the family. and that movie finished at 6.30pm, and buka puasa is at 7.15pm, so how was i going to be there in 45 minutes with all the traffics and crowds of people going back from work? i was thinking of taking the monorel, then change to lrt putra for a stop at ampang park, but i didnt think i could make it in time. and then, by a totally fortunate, coincidence discovery, i found a path to walk from the pavilion to klcc! of course i know if i manage to reach klcc, i can reach plaza yow chuan in no time. and it was the loveliest weather ever. it had just finished raining, with friendly cloud and nice breeze. and so i walk and walk and walk and i was so so so happy. i reached the hotel just before maghrib and all that i know after that was mr stomach was one happy organ that night :D you should have seen the range of food they have there *drool drool i havent been in any buffet for some time so i was a bit 'batak-ing' that night hehe. i put every effort to try all the dishes, but i didnt managed to do so. they were soo many! it was food heaven i tell you :D

that weekend i also managed to go to, not pasar ramadhan, but bazaar ramadhan! those who know me know that i like to be in a crowd full of strangers (not crowds with familiar faces!). that's why i like to be at any sale, i like to be in a crowd with no one knowing me, it made me feel like part of the population, made me feel that i'm truly exist in this world, made me feel human. hehe. anyway, back to my point. i spent 3 days in a row at jalan tar's bazaar ramadhan and i was totally enjoying myself. i even managed to buy a matching kain for my kebaya (mom bought me this kebaya sulam from indon, it's gorgeous but the problem is that it's only a top with no kain). i also managed to tempah kasut for the wedding reception at azali's side at one of the shops at semua house.

then i spent the rest of the weekend 'visiting' some of my favourite places, namely klcc, pavilion and sogo. all i need to do was topup-ing my touch'n'go card, wear my crocs, my sling bag and of course bring along an umbrella, and wallah! i can go anywhere i want. i walk and walk and take the lrt to go anywhere. and i have this one habit: i like to have a map with me :p so i went to any information counter or any hotel and ask for a map. mesti dpt punya, but almost always si penjaga booth tu pandang pelik hihi.

then after all the walking and sightseeing and cuci mata-ing and tension releasing, i then met mr fiance after he finished working to buka puasa together. we went to chillies and i thought the atmosphere was great :). thanks sayang for the treat! then after that he sent me home. the next day we went to the tailor to pick up all his 3 baju melayus for the wedding. they fit him well despite him claiming of putting on weight. mr fiance is quite worried about his weight lately, he is almost double the size compared to when i first met him, but i have no complain! that would only made him more huggable hehe

so overall the trip back home was great actually, and i did enjoy myself.

oklah, got to take a shower now. another 1 week to go for raya break! i would try to do as much as i can to finish (or try to reduce the pile-load of) my work, so that i can go back home in a clearer state of mind. calo!

am currently in a very foul mood. really really foul mood. to that someone. only to that one person. that person better not calling me at the time like this. and that person doest even know it.

weekend. bliss. i wish.

been browsing the net for some time and came across some friends' wedding pictures over at fotopages. some were grand, others were simple, but i can say that most of the wedding couples looked happy. i'm not sure about myself though. the closer the wedding date is, the less enthusiast i become. for some reason i'm not looking forward for it. this is mainly attributed by not one, but two persons. currently hate them too bits. it's true what people say, the persons who are dearest to you can also hurt you the most. so true.

................................

my trip back home last weekend was, to say it in the nicest way possible, not as exciting as i would anticipate it to be. most of the time i spent ronda2 at around kl, namely at jalan tar, pavilion and klcc, alone. my plan to spend quality time together with loved ones turned out to be a failure. and it made me learnt one BIG lesson: people move on and i cant expect everything to be like it was before. the planned family gathering was a quiet, if not boring, event. everyone has a different path of life now. and with that person not in speaking term with me anymore, it made life more misrable, as that person used to be closest to me. and i spent the whole 3 days wandering around kl, almost aimlessly. on the final day, i was quite upset and i decided to do the thing i always do when i'm feeling down, that is walking. i walked and walked and walked and tried to make sense of things, at least something. and that was when i realised about it: people have moved on and they do changed, so it's about time for me to move too. mentally, i have been standing on this one spot for a long time, and for some reason i refuse to move. and i need to know this reason. some say i already know the reason, but maybe am too blind to realise it. maybe i have to learn it the hard way.

enough writing. it is so easy to go back to that pitch hole again, and i will not allow it. that was a promise i made to myself some time ago. if everything is lost and all that remains are a lie, all that i know is true are all the promises that i'd made to myself. they are the only ones that is true and selfless and honest, and i shall keep that for the rest of my life.

so CHEER UP elly. you know you're stronger than this and you know that you will get through this. and yes i will.

2 nights in a row of oncalls.. on bulan puasa.. lembik..

got 10 more night oncalls in the next 2 weeks time.. before raya holiday.. i wonder if i need to spend raya here..

no mood for raya. too tired to think. am currently not happy with the situation at home. for the first time in my life, i dont want to go home. malas. better stay here with my turtles, my car, my teddy, my bed, myself. no need to hear that person bebel non-stop, nagging non-stop. malas.

but then i want to see beloved maisarah. her place in my heart is so special. love her too bits.

sigh. maybe i'm too tired. lack of sleep. serious lack of sleep. and i think i lost more weight. lack of appetite. so sad, cos i used to enjoy food a lot. i enjoy my food, i enjoy eating, i enjoy the feeling it gives me when i eat good food. but now food seems just like a necessity. something that i have to do to get enough energy to carry my daily routine. sigh.

anyway, i need to go. need to get my sleep. been standing for some time today. my heel and back hurt. need another ibuprofen again tonight i guess. and also i think i'll get some multivitamin tomoro. nighty night