pointless entry

1/07/2010 11:51:00 AM 1 Comment »

i've decided that today is a good day to blog.

today has been a fair one. nothing much happened. nevertheless i'm feeling much relax today. maybe it's the weekend.

ok, first thing first.

happy new year. farewell 2009, welcome 2010.

i think it's fair enough for me not to have any new year's resolution this year, since there's still previous years' (!) resolutions that need to be fulfilled. and for someone in my age, this new year resolution does not make sense anymore. oh yes, i feel old. this year, i'm going to hit the big 3-0, and obviously i aint feel good about it. enough said.

much happened in 2009. my honeymoon to bali. the birth of my nephew. my parents separation. my sis's illnesses. and the latest one is my lil bro's cancer, and he's due for chemo sessions in 2 weeks time. well, technically that is this year, but he was diagnosed at the end of last year, just a few days shy from the new year.

this year? this year's going to be the making or breaking of my future. that's why i'm kinda stressed at the moment. i dont like being stressed, nor do i like being depressed. unfortunately, there's only a vague line between those two. a few months ago some people asked me why did i look so calm and relax compared to others, and i myself know the answer. it's because i hate being stressed, and i try my best not to be stressed. because when i'm stressed, i dont think i'm a nice person, and i mean that. all the time, i feel like to shout to everyone. yes, i do wear facemask when i go out and meet people (not real facemask you fool) and try my best to smile and greet people like i normally do, but that facemask of mine is not that perfect. there were a few times when i just snapped.

so, my point is, life is not that great nowadays. i'm stressed. and i aint a good person when i'm stressed. and the worst thing is that i cant study a damn thing when i'm stressed. i can try, but nothing goes in. nil. which makes me more stressed.

i hate being stressed.