My World

just came back from my weekend break to kl. as usual, am having a post-holiday blues.. a mini one.

am currently listening to fly fm. not sure how but they play mostly unplugged songs tonight, with such a good selection of songs. and no dj at all. i think it started at least this evening, cos i remember when my friend picked me up at the airport, there at the radio they played such a good lists of songs with no dj at all, so i asked him whether he had any cd on. he said nope and then i checked the radio and it was fly fm. mostly were slow songs, some unplugged, mmg best hihi.

anyway, the reason i blog tonite is to share with you something that i encountered on my way back here. it was while i was on the airplane, and there sat a woman next to my sit. she must be in her 50s, at least, but with heavy mascara on, scarf ala2 mak datin or to be precised, like siti nurhaliza ie half the rambut are out with jambul besar gile. anyway, it's not the appearance that intringed me, it was the person herself.

let me give an intro first. when i travel, i dont speak to strangers. i aint friendly. period. that's just the way i am, just let me be. when i think about it, i think there's 2 reasons why i behave that way: first, becos i seriously dont (fucking) care about other people's life haha, about how many children you have, about how your political views are etc. although i dont mind talking about the weather, if you know what i mean, ie i dont mind talking about superficial stuff.

second, i dont like to tell to a total stranger about my life. my life's too complicated, not to mention private, to be told to any strangers. plus not everyone would understand how my life had turned out like it is. plus i dont think people would believe. plus i dont think people would want to listen to my story. so, for all these reasons, i strongly prefer to just keep quiet throughout the journey. i usually play with my psp, or listens to my mp3, or read a magazine or a story book.

so, as you can already predicted, this old lady who sat next to me was the kind that liked to talk. normally, i do have such a soft spot for the elderly, i dont mind listening to their stories, providing they dont ask me with too many questions. this old lady did not asked me that many question, but boy, she did like to talk about herself and her life. but it was the contents of her talk that annoyed me a bit. takpelah elly, it's an old lady after all, why not you give her a slack? i wish.

first she talked about her family. on how well connected she was with this person and that person. sorry old lady, i aint know this person or that person, no matter how hard you try to explain. especially if it's someone in politics, ie one of the 2 things i hate most in this world, so no use you wasting your breathe trying to tell me about this person and that person.

then she started to talk about how well her children turned out to be. went to this uni and that uni, became this and that. look at me, do i look interested to know who is who and who becomes who in your family? was it intended to give me some sort of inspiration by telling me all this? all this made me remember; my roomate and even my old roomates' mothers also talked and talked about how well their children turned out to be, to me (?). what is on my face or what? i know they are proud, as mothers, that their children ended up at universities, but why telling it to me, si budak2 yg almost the same age as their children? i can understand if they want to tell to their peers, ie kaum si mak2, but why me?

all my siblings went to the uni, but do i make an announcement about it? no.

then she started to talk about her trip to this and that, how cold it was this and there. and when i showed no surprise at all, she started to elaborate more and more, as if trying to convince me that it was really really cold out there at the other part of the world. yes old lady, i do understand what you're trying to explain to me, on how cold it was this and there, being myself lived this and there for literally 12 years of my life. do i make an announcement about it? no.

then she started to talk about the importance of having a 'kabel', if you know what i mean. to know this person and that person. to keep in contact with this person and that person, so that you can earn this and that. my dad is a ceo and earns more than 20k per month and he has no so-called 'kabel' or whatever, do i make an announcement about it? no.

then she started to talk about politics. and races. malay and non-malay. and that we malays should do this and that, and shouldn do this and that.

and she also started to talk and talk about so many other things, but my brain already switched off after 10 minutes. whatever lah old lady, you talk all you want, i'll pretend to listen to you out of my respect to you as an old lady. i wouldnt want to be rude by telling you that not everyone is like you. not everyone like to share their story to every stranger who sits next to them. not everyone likes politics. not everyone likes to gain as many 'kabel' as they can. not everyone want to use their friends and acquintances for themselves. not everyone is as naive and useless as you thought they would be.

oklah, i think my head is switching off. thanks for reading. and seriously, i dont (fucking) care about any story of any stranger sitting next to me. good night

tired (more like bored hihi) of my revision, i think i'll spend some time updating my blog.

actually i dont have a specific topic to blog about. here are some random updates of myself..

i'm on my 3rd day of diet. yup, i'm on a diet, it was actually an impulsive thing to do, i didnt plan to diet. but then with the finals are fast approaching and my stress level easily goes up to the roof at any time of the day, i think i ought to do something to get my mind off the final. i need to have one some kind of 'sideline' project to occupy my mind, without actually neglecting my current major one ie the finals. so i decided to diet (..what kind of 'sideline' project is that lol).

i never tried this kind of diet before. it's called the oat diet (i named it myself hihi). all that i need to do is to have oat as breakfast and lunch, at 5 tablespoons each. i was surprised to find that oat can actually be eaten like rice, with all the side dishes. well, the view aint great, but actually the taste aint that bad. and i have the leisure to eat whatever i want for dinner, obviously in moderate amount. it's best to avoid rice, but i was told if i really want to have rice i can have it, cos it's not good to suppress our appetite, as it can lead to bulge eating.

so today it's my 3rd day of dieting, and so far so good. oat is so filling, yet with little calories. i also started to jog yesterday. the key is not to over-exhaust myself. i used to be a keen long-distance runner, but then it's the after-effect that brought me down. i was so tired i couldnt study, along with my legs so lembik. and almost always the next day i could not get out of the bed and then couldnt take the stairs. so this time around, i just jog leisurely. and i do stop when i think it's time to stop, altho actually i can run a bit more.

anyway, i think i ought to give this diet + exercise a try for one month. a friend told me that she lost about 5kg in a month, and another friend said that her mum lost 1kg per week, so i think it's fair to have a certain duration limit. then, if after a month i couldnt see any difference, then i'll stop and then try to think of another side-project for my mind to occupy. so no pressure at all. and i'm beginning to enjoy the oat too ;)

will be going back to kl this wednesday. managed to get the rest of the week off, so it's going to be an extended weekend. the aim is to drive and accompany my bro for his chemo session on thursday and friday. hubby also take the day off too for the same purpose. in difficult time like this, we should gather and provide supports to each other.

i wont be driving to kl this wednesday, mama thought i shouldnt waste precious time on driving, so she bought me flight tickets. she is right. in total, if i'll be driving back and forth from uni to kl, it would take not less then 14 hours. and that's quite a lot of time to spend behind the wheels, when i should actually spend on my books. so, thank you mama for the thoughtfulness.

oklah, i think that's enough. time to go back to the notes. enjoy the weekend :)

i've decided that today is a good day to blog.

today has been a fair one. nothing much happened. nevertheless i'm feeling much relax today. maybe it's the weekend.

ok, first thing first.

happy new year. farewell 2009, welcome 2010.

i think it's fair enough for me not to have any new year's resolution this year, since there's still previous years' (!) resolutions that need to be fulfilled. and for someone in my age, this new year resolution does not make sense anymore. oh yes, i feel old. this year, i'm going to hit the big 3-0, and obviously i aint feel good about it. enough said.

much happened in 2009. my honeymoon to bali. the birth of my nephew. my parents separation. my sis's illnesses. and the latest one is my lil bro's cancer, and he's due for chemo sessions in 2 weeks time. well, technically that is this year, but he was diagnosed at the end of last year, just a few days shy from the new year.

this year? this year's going to be the making or breaking of my future. that's why i'm kinda stressed at the moment. i dont like being stressed, nor do i like being depressed. unfortunately, there's only a vague line between those two. a few months ago some people asked me why did i look so calm and relax compared to others, and i myself know the answer. it's because i hate being stressed, and i try my best not to be stressed. because when i'm stressed, i dont think i'm a nice person, and i mean that. all the time, i feel like to shout to everyone. yes, i do wear facemask when i go out and meet people (not real facemask you fool) and try my best to smile and greet people like i normally do, but that facemask of mine is not that perfect. there were a few times when i just snapped.

so, my point is, life is not that great nowadays. i'm stressed. and i aint a good person when i'm stressed. and the worst thing is that i cant study a damn thing when i'm stressed. i can try, but nothing goes in. nil. which makes me more stressed.

i hate being stressed.