My World

i decided to come back a bit early to the campus, first, to clear up my head, second, to have a bit of rest and third, life does go on and thus i have to sort out my studies. so i came back this morning, tidied my room, had a good shower, then slept, and now i'm on my desk sorting things out. so far so good.

sigh. i wish it did not turn out as complicated as this one. i'm heading back home again this coming weekend. i will go whenever and wherever i am needed. that is what family is for. now i have to try to think of a way to apply for a leave for 2 working days next week. i can obviously be honest and tell the truth, but i found it hard and inappropriate to tell the others, escpecially the higher authorities about my personal problems, plus i found it impossible to be unemotional about it. furthermore, i admit i am kinda unfamiliar with how the things work around here. let's hope i figure out a way by tomoro.

i found that when i'm sad and depressed, it helps to think of happy memories. so here goes:

spent a good time with hubby, and i was so happy :). we didnt do much actually, just spent some time together, watching dvds, and i cooked for hubby too, cleaned his room and washed his clothes and tidied up his wardrobe. he who brings so much happiness in my life :)

nothing much happened over the chinese new year break. went kuantan-kl-kuantan-kl and back to kuantan again several times. my viva has been so good to me, so i thank you, dear viva la vida. oh yeah, besides that, i finally bought a psp after years of aiming to own one. everyone knows that i'm such a gadget idiot, so everyone was surprised when i bought a psp. well, i admit i'm not going to use it that often, but it would be very useful when i'm in the bus, or while waiting for the car to get its service etc.

think i shall stop now. i didnt have the mood to blog actually, but i felt like to write something. hope i manage to do some work tonite.

am blogging on the bed with hubby sitting next to me :) i almost forgot how fast broadband is, hubby just installed the broadband in his house. man it is fast! at my uni we use wifi, which is a bit faster than a dial-up that we used at home.

happy chinese new year hehe thanks to the uni i've got a week off. that's why i'm with hubby now :)

anyway, that is not the main reason i blog today. something bad, really really bad, unimaginable bad had happened recently. in fact, it was last friday when it all happened, while i was driving from kuantan to kl to meet hubby. the news was a bad and sad one, i cried non-stop that night, really grateful to have hubby to comfort me. the news was worse than death. if it involves death, almost all that is left for you to feel is sadness and sorrow. but this is not only sad, but mostly hatred. so much hatred involved. i still find it hard to believe it. everytime i wake up in morning, i keep on wondering if it was all a dream. but deep down, i know that it is bound to happen, sooner or later. if not today, it will still happen, maybe tomoro, or the day after, or next week or next year, it will still happen eventually. but i hate to admit that.

i know it is not wise for me to blog while i'm angry, so i shall stop here. there will be time for me to blog when i'm ready to write about it. one thing that i really want to say to him: has he ever thought that when he eventually died, which is not going to be that long afterall, will there be anyone there to mandikan his body? there is so much hatred in our heart now, i doubt if any of us will be there to sedekahkan you some yassin. i know i wont. that is how much i hate you.

my bm class was cancelled! woo hoo! finally i got some free time to blog. my language classes are from 5 to 7pm, that run on 3 out of the 5 working weekdays. so usually after the classes, i would have to run back to my hostel for asar prayer. i couldnt pray before the class as my afternoon course class tend to finish at 5 or sometimes even more, making me running literally from one class to another. then after the praying, showering, dinner-ing, then magrib praying, sedar2 je dah 9pm. then do homework this and that, revision this and that, then go to sleep at almost 1am. then wake up by the alarm at 6.45 the next morning, with the class starts at 8. so that is the routine of my mundane life.

anyway, that is not the main topic for today. today i was in such a foul, foul mood. i've not had this mood for quite some time, but today it was just one of the moodiest day ever. everyone seemed like asking me too many questions, stupid questions some more, so mmg nak kene la. i admit i'm a bit stressed lately, with too many things to do at the same time, then have to be at more than one place at one time, so mmg stress la. then the holiday mood has already kicked in, so no mood to do whatsoever. anyway, only 1 more day left before the chinese year year break so all i have to do is to face one more day and then before i know it, i'll be on my way back home already. yup yup keep positive elly!

ok, as usual, a holiday is not complete without its list of things to do haha. hmm i am really into making lists, am i not? so here goes..

1. IOP. individual oral presentation. it's for my spoken english class. theme given: Mysticism. what the hell am i going to talk about mysticism? i have no idea. tried the library, but seriously the library here is useless. out of the 20-something list of books i searched through its catalogue, i only found one. ONE! how can i find the right topic to present then? maybe the internet loh. but for this assignment, i would prefer a hard copy ie books. but by hook or by crook, i need to have it done by next week. think one good book from kunokuniya will do the trick. but then i have to buy it lor..

2. study group topic. i will be given a list of topic to read over the holiday for the study group session in 2 weeks time. i think it would be a good opportunity for me to study in a different way, and see if it's going to work for me or not

3. tidy up my notes. i think this would never, ever end

4. buy my turtles a new, bigger case. i think they need more space to grow huh. not sure what else to do to make them grow

5. trip to kuala selangor to visit my relatives. since our wedding, hubby and i never had time to visit the relatives to say our thanks and gratitutes. apparently that is the culture for all newly weds. we already visited hubby's side of the relatives on last raya haji's holiday, so this time, it is going to be my relatives. we dont plan to visit every single house, just my grandma's and auntie's at ijok, then my cousin at batang kali, and finally my auntie at sabak bernam. 4 houses. then we are going to stay at my family's apartment at kuala selangor. that apartment is a really nice place, its balcony faces bukit melawati and it is very peaceful indeed. i think it is such a waste no one lives there, in that fully furnished apartment. my family only used it once a year, during hari raya time. my parents sometimes do go there, about once every 3-4 months, the most.

6. my psp! hehe i'm going to buy my own psp after years and years of dreaming to own one myself. i plan to buy the red one, to match my red sony ericson handphone. initially i aimed for the baby pink one, i mean the psp, but then last month i bought a red handphone, so being a colour coordination freak, of course i want a matching psp haha. next aim: a red sony viao! hehe. that's going to be a long term aim haha. definitely after i start working..

7. moves some stuff from one house to another. first, moves my clothes, shoes etc from my kuantan house to azali's house at kota damansara. i'll be moving it myself, using my car. second, moves one fridge and set meja makan from kuantan house to azali's house. mama bought some new ones and wanted to get rid of the old ones, and all of them are still in perfect condition. third, moves some sofas from ampang house to azali's house. again, mama bought some new ones and wanted to get rid of the old ones. the ampang sofas are less than a year old, and azali and i actually plan to buy the same exact one soon as he likes that L-shaped sofas so much, then mama said she didnt like that sofas actually and wanted to get rid of it. and with no one actually lives permanently at that ampang house, so the sofas are literally still new

8. cut my hair maybe? maybe just a trim.. me like me hair so much huhu

hmm cant think of any more to add up to the list. gosh too many things to do in only a week worth of holiday!

it's true when someone told me that when you have the mood to write, but you were too busy to actually jolting it down. and when you have ample of free time to write, suddenly you were left staring at the paper with nothing to write. i'm now more conscious of my writing, it is definitely because i'm now taking a class on how to write properly. before this i tend to write whatever i want with nothing to worry about, but now there will be questions in my head whether i'm doing it in the right way.

anyway, it is the weekend, and i already have a list of things to do. so far, i managed to clean my room, did the laundry, the english homework. that's all hehe. i'll be visiting my inlaws this weekend too, so that's part of the list.

oklah, gtg. have to go to pasar malam. i love malaysia!

it has been raining all day. it is cold, outside and inside, and i'm currently wearing 2 jackets plus a blanket. i cannot do any work if i'm cold. and of course i'm having a cup of hot tea at this moment. wish i can stay under my duvey and lie on my bed..

my work is piling up everyday, despite doing work every single night. i hope to be able to catch up this weekend, i dont have any plan except doing as many work as possible. this afternoon i did my first bahasa malaysia essay for the last 12 years, gosh it was hard. i just hope i pass that class. i still hasnt even started the english essays. already finished the interview survey report just now, now i'm doing the case report which is due on thursday. lots and lots of revision to do, and this brain of mine is as tired and exhausted as it can be.

i dont think my effort to put on weight is going to be successful, yes i'm trying to gain some weight, but with all these work, which i dont think it will end, like, in a few years time, so i would have to apologise to hubby now. i was as much surprised as the rest of the world when hubby said i was thin and need to pile up some weight. i thought he was joking cos it is a well known fact that he likes to make jokes and i am not exactly thin nor small, but apparently he is serious about it. anyway, it was not that he asked me to put on weight, he just said i was a bit thin. i think i'm going to stay at this weight for some time, and hope not to lose some more, so i hope he doesnt put his hope too high then hehe

i had a nightmare last night, and it bothered me for the whole day. it wasnt a 'scary' type of nightmare, but it was scary enough for me. in that dream i had to pack and ready to return to the uk again. i was so disturbed by it, with all of the old feeling coming back to me, that i cried. i dont want to go there again, but in that dream, somehow i had to, so it made me so sad. i was glad to finally wake up and realised it was just a dream. no, i dont want to go anywhere but here, and i really hope i dont have to.

oklah, got to continue writing my case report. from my english writing class, i found out that every writer has their own style, it is unique to the writer, but it brings with it certain bad or good habits. obviously i want to improve my writing and i want to get rid of any bad habits. i think i know what they are, at least some of it, and i will try to improve it. good luck to me :)

hope it's not too late to wish HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone :)

new year resolution? hmm to work harder and even harder, to be more patient, and to be a good wife. cant think of anything else hmm..

i'm still tired from the weekend day-trip journey. i dont think i'll ever do it again. now i know the limitation of my body. i think i'm getting a fever, so i plan an early night. sigh.. too many things to do. finish one list and then come another list! i miss hubby huhu... need a cuddle huhu :(