My World

havent blogged for some time.

not sure where to start.

well i still have to start somewhere, dont i?

am still stuck in the same phase. the very same phase that i started 7 years ago. fuh. long time huh 7 years. three quarter of a decade? gosh i'm old. i feel ancient. seriously.

dont know what else to write. i found it difficult to write when i'm bitter.

well i still have to write something, dont i?

so it's going to be my 7th year of aidilfitri away from home. sigh. this year i plan to spend it differently. i'm up for a trip to london on my own. am gonna wander around. already plan to go to british museum for their china's teracota armies exhibition. it's not like they are going to come to malaysia, right? so might as well see them while i can. and there's also tutankhamun's tomb exhibition somewhere in london as well, so that's a must to see (geek!). i like acting like a tourist. in fact i like being someone totally different. anyone, except my own. sad, innit?

anyway, that's the plan. london in 2 weeks time. good. i like organised plan. just hope that the weather south is better than here up north. i swore it was less than 5 degrees yesterday. today is cold as well. damn i shipped my good coat back home, all i have now is my old one. but it's also my favourite one. guess i have to make do of it.

am currently listening to high school musical soundtrack songs. i've watched the movie 4 times already. zac efron is soo hot!! he's young, i know, but it's not like i want to marry him huh. young talents are so refreshing (hihi).

fotopages everywhere are full with babies' pictures. and i want one too :(

you know what, when i'm going back, i'm going to marry that fiance of mine, and we gonna have babies and babies and babies and babies

huh talking about desperado hahah

anyway, this is my failing attempt to write. less than 2 months to go, and lets hope i can put my life back on track. adios

i'm still here..

too busy, and lazy (more of the latter) to blog. nothing to write, well that's untrue, well there's nothing worth to write. i try not to whinge in my blog, and that consists of mostly of my life nowadays, hence nothing worth writing here. i'll let pictures do most of the talk now..

happy birthday to me :)

i've got these for my birthday:

from ellina and shanti, respectively. they know their housemate well. really well. love it!

nad gave me the chocs. no, not that size, it's DOUBLE. mmg nak org gemuk tul. dah la dark choc tu, my fav. thanks nad!

and that dress.. hehe mama got it for me. well, she gave me some cash and i decided to spend it on this bapak gorgeous dress. my first proper night dress! bile nak pakai, i dont know, but i'm sure there'll be some occasion in the future. azali likes it too, so more of the reasons to love it! and that shoes :) i bought it for myself. best best. supercomfy, and i'm a huge fan of buckles and buttons :D

but i want this now hehe. cant decide between those two. lawa... but dont think i can afford it right now huhu

or

hehe

and it's going to be the end of a 3-year era. goodbye housemates! will gonna miss living with you guys. 3 years living together, and 6 years with that girl with the red dress, i think that's an achievement! we got on well most of the time, and we shared a lot. i'll write more later... emo emo..



and i've got this gorgeous little thing too :) introducing my niece, maisarah bt ridzman. COMEL!! never thought i would care for someone whom i've never met! she's the apple of everyone's eyes at the moment, ai cucu first la katekan, my dad's first words when he hold her was, 'i'm so going to spoil you!' and that's huge, coming from a guy who used to dislike children.

today is another good day :)

slept at 7 o'clock this morning and woke up a 12pm. bless. spent the whole night, or shall i say, morning, watching sex and the city dvd which i borrowed from ellina. had a nice chat with azali, with my eyes half open, before i went to bed. then when i woke up 5 hours later, i decided that my room is messy and that i need to clean it. i'm in a middle of packing my stuff, dividing them into 3 separate sides, one that i shall ship back home, then one that i need to bring to sunderland, then finally one side that i'm using everyday. and i managed to finish sorting my last box this morning and i feel good. my room is clean and tidy and i like that :)

it's pretty cloudy outside, i wish it would rain. i dont mind raining, as long as there is no wind. wind can be really nasty, when it blows, it can hit you hard and makes you feel feverish and sick. but if it's just rain, i dont mind. it reminds me of home.

cant wait for harry potter book to come out this friday. well, saturday early morning. i need to make a good preparation. i need to get a good sleep the night before, sort out the food for the whole weekend, so that i can concentrate and spend my whole time on the book. now that i had finished packing and my room is clear, so everything is almost sorted.

just wanted to mention that i watched transformers last sunday and it was a BLAST! i know i know, they watched it in malaysia ages ago, but here in the uk, the official screening is next week, but the super resourceful ellina managed to find a cinema that screens it 2 weeks before the premier. best giler best giler. i was sitting at the edge of my sit throughout the movie, and i'm so gonna watch it again. not this weekend tho, cos i'm gonna commit 100% of my time and energy for the new harry potter book hehe

oklah, i'm going to watch the remaining 3 episodes of the last season of SATC, then i shall cook for dinner. this week is my last week of holiday before starting again on monday, and i'm gonna spend it doing all the stuff that i like: tv, dvd, sleep, eat hihi

it was a good day. it started last night, well, this very early morning, when i managed to gather enough courage to call my mum. it turned out that she was, well, better than i expected, which was good. we had a good chat and i went to bed after that and had a pleasant sleep.

the alarm woke me up at 9am, with a note of reminder - 'harry potter 5th movie! wake up!' :D. i managed to stretch my sleep for an extra half an hour before i finally left my bed. couldnt decide on what to wear so i relied on a black top which was a safe choice, you might say. it was drizzling outside, but still i decided to walk to town. nothing could affect my morning, i thought, cos i know i'll be watching a good movie soon. poyo poyo..

i arrived at the cinema 10 minutes early but it was already half full. in the last potter movie i managed to be the 1st person who entered the cinema and had the privilage of choosing the best seat, but it's ok this time, at least i'll be watching it with shanti, and not alone, like before. she arrived a few minutes before the movie started, and i know i'll be lost in that world again.

:DDDDDD

i wont be giving any review about the movie, cos i'll be very, very biased. and i dont care what other review/people think, but i like it :D

lost in thoughts sat.... thinking about how gorgeous harry is now, and that i'm no longer feeling guilty of fancying him since he's now 18 heheh...

ok, back to reality. after the movie we walked around town, had a quick lunch and then lepak at starbucks for about an hour, waiting for ellina to arrive. then shanti left for her massage, and my other housemate arrived not soon after that. jalan-jalan, shopping-shopping, well window shopping la la la. summer sales are everywhere. i really like this one black dress from monsoon but it costs a fortune and i definitely couldnt afford it, but i never have any proper black dress, or what they call it nowadays - little black dress or LBD. poyo poyo haha. elly, you definitely cannot afford that dress so stop dreaming about it. plus i dont have any occasion to wear it for pun...

then one of my favourite shop has started their summer sale as well. accesorize has pretty handbags, hats and accesories that i'm sort if into it at the moment. i like good quality handbags, girly but not too sweet, i like embroidery and i dont mind colourful and funky sequines and buttons and pins as well, as long as it's not too much. cute, but not too small, different but not too quirky. and this shop seems to have it all. then i had this conversation with ellina on where to find all this in malaysia. it seems ages ago when i left malaysia, and i honestly dont know where to find a good shop there anymore. a good, not too expensive handbag and shoes shop in malaysia. somewhere i can spend my money on and satisfy my thirst for more handbags and shoes and clothes and everything that i like. this is important you know..

i bet nadine will say - when people around the world are worried about poverty and war, and all that i'm worried about is finding where to shop good handbags and shoes in when i am back?

jgn marah pakcik, nnt cepat tua hihi

anyway, if i want to go home, and i need to settle myself at a new place where i havent lived for 7-8 years, of course i need to find something that i like, or do something that i like to do at the new place, right? and shopping handbags and shoes are my top favourites, thus i need to find those places, like asap when i go back home.

sigh

home is months away, and that is a hopeful thinking.. hope is all i have these days..

i'm pretty much calmer now, thanks to the therapy sessions that i had, now i know what and who and why i was being so angry, and being able to realise that, it gave me such relief. now i take every single day as it is, and hoping that i wont come across some morons who irritate me and make my head boil some more.

i would like to write some more, but right now there is a match that i'm keen to watch. wimbledon! rafael nadal is such a hot, HOT stuff, and he's playing against berdyck at quarter final now. pretty good match so far. and later today there will be federer and roddick playing as well, altho not against each other. i just hope that it doesnt rain so much these days, or else i have nothing to watch on the tele.

catch you later alligator

bosan bosan

this is what will happen if you go and sleep during the day...fully awake at 1 in the morning

what the heck, bored like hell, maybe i'll try to write something here

i'm more angry than sad. i dont think i ever be this angry before. my head tends to boil easily these days

lets just talk about random stuff

cant wait for harry potter's last book. the 5th movie will come a week earlier, in the uk, altho people around the world, seem to have the privilage to see it as early as 2 weeks b4 uk's viewers. azali said malaysia's cinemas will screen it on the 7th of july, and i know japan had its premier last weekend, and here in the uk we will only be able to watch it on the 12th. not fair. thank god the book premier all happens at the same time, altho this means that japan will have the privilage to read it first (i think) becos of the time difference, anyway since i dont know anyone in japan, so it's ok. dengki siut

i've been so bored nowadays, i read all 6 harry potter's books again already. for the 4th time, i think. they are the only books that can make me stay awake until 6 in the morning and wake up 4-5 hours later just to continue reading.

still about harry potter. jk rowling had given her permission for warner bros to build hogwarts + hogsmeade at warner bros theme park (not sure what it's called - it's equivalent to disneyland/disneyworld but it's warner bros') in florida. such an exciting news! it's due to open at the end of 2009 or early 2010, but then shanti, my housemate said to wait for at least a year to make sure everything is safe and ready, so 2011 is a target year. i'm so going! ok, got about 4 years to prepare myself, meaning kumpul duitlah, then i remember by that time i'll be surely have some kids (!).. so? tinggallah ape lagi. confirm. they'll be, like 1-2 years old, the most, like i'm going to bring them? fat chance! this is my time to fully enjoy myself with no string attach huh (am so not maternal type). hmm what about azali? i guess i have to drag him along, but i have to warn him about me going totally havoc when i see hogwarts there. does he want to go with me? dunno, havent asked. not even sure if we're going to get married.

trying to cheer myself up here...

my laptop is getting better, hopefully. as you all might know, i'm using nad's old laptop for the last, hmm, 2-3 months, i think, and i really hope to get my old laptop back soon. somebody here has been kindly enough to see/check/repair/reformat etc the laptop for me, and i'm hoping to be able to have it back soon.

that's all folks, nothing else to write. what i'm feeling now is beyond everything that i've ever experienced before, so i dont know how to handle it. all i know is that i'm angry, so damn bloody fucking angry, but there is no one, not-a-thing in particular, in physical form that i'm angry about. if you are angry with someone, you can shout at them, kick them, punch them, or kill them, for example. if you're angry with something, a thing, you can break them, or throw them away. if you're angry at yourself, you can starve yourself, hurt yourself, or kill yourself. but when you're angry at situation, angry at what's been happening to you, angry at life, what would you do? 'everything happens with a reason' badibla dibla hearing that, like a thousand times, even if it comes from some closed ones whom i care about, annoys me the ultimate most.

i'd passed trying to understand, i'd passed trying to accept, i'd passed trying to find some answers, and i'm still angry like hell. and how did i do? how do i cope? i dont. i shout and snap, lock myself almost everyday in my room to prevent me from shouting again, but the fucking telephone makes me barking shouting at those in malaysia too, so now i cant talk to them. yup i push people away from me. and how did i do now? you tell me in a few months time. or years. i dont fucking know

great. my head is boiling now. how am i supposed to sleep with this? you tell me. nobody fucking know. life is bullshit. FACT