My World

just finished watching csi las vegas. that is my routine for tuesday night. i prefer csi las vegas than miami. i think it's because it has more paranormal events, like serial killers, psycho man and the interesting chimera and werewolf man, that makes it more interesting. compared to csi miami that has more crime elements, like robbery, smuggling, pendatang tanpa izin, pirates etc. plus csi las vegas has the brilliant grissom. but i think horatio in csi miami is not bad, except that grissom is more geeky, and i like geeky, but horatio is a more people-person, if you know what i mean.

had an early leave from work today; my housemates wanted to watch ice age 2, and i wanted to join them. the movie wasnt good; it wasnt crap, but i barely laughed. i didnt have any expectation, mind you, but it was kinda plain and unlaughable that i thought it would still not worth to buy its dvd. it's that bad. anyway, i truly enjoyed the dinner we had after that. went to nandos, as it was the nearest to odeon, and i was so hungry i couldnt think of anything else to eat. which brings me to my next topic: i have gained weight!! bloody freaking calories. that is what this is all about. plus this is my 2nd week of easter break, all i did was eat and lay on the bed and watch tv. seriously. i can feel i'm expanding, seriously, i just feel something is wrong, like feeling less fit. and.. all my trousers and jeans are getting tighter. bloody hell! i got less than 2 months before going home and i dont want to be this big! bloody hell bloody hell. elly, you have to have boiled broccoli after this, hear me?

damn it. oja and nad are coming this weekend and of course i would love to cook for them. sob sob sob. diet sob sob. remember elly, do it not because of wanting to be thin, do it for all your beloved clothes and jeans, tops and trousers, those things that you treasure most. imagine if you cant fit into any of them, and then you have to leave them behind and put them behind the cupboard. no. it would be a waste, wouldnt it? it would be like a crime, right? right...

saturday..bliss. no one at home, i think. ct is working. the rest went out. i want to go out too, but with the moody weather where it rains every now and then, think i better tuck myself under the duvey thank you very much. and i dont want to spend more money. i tend to spend everytime i go out, so i figure that in order for me to not spend, i must not leave the house. hahaha

am still not feeling that well, with blocked nose and running nose all at the same time, but things improve a bit. actually i'm feeling a lot better. talked to azali this morning and he was in his good mood indeed, and that made me feel good too. we are planning to go somewhere when i go back this summer, and mama had given her permission. all we need to do now is to find a destination that suits our budget. it doesnt matter whether we manage to go somewhere or not, hearing him eager to plan our holiday together was enough to make me happy :) am so in love~

so, what shall i do today? cook? cant think of anything to cook. and with my blocked nose, i cant taste a thing. every food seems dull. maybe i go out and catch a movie. that means leaving the house. du'h. not a good idea, plus there's no good movie at the moment. ct brought back lots of dvds, courtesy of her cousin, i think, in malaysia. hmm maybe i'll watch that. maybe. damn it. i cant make up my mind. you know what, think i'll lay on the bed and stay there until i figure out what to do

just came back from work. that's my plan for easter break. work, work and more work, so that i can earn more money. the money is not for myself, it's for the summer house rents of 3 months. i'll be going home for the whole summer to do my electives, but my scholarship ends this may and there are rents to pay for june, july and august, plus the telephones, gas and electricity bills, so i hope to save enough money to pay for all of these for the 3 months. i dont want to cause my housemates any trouble, nor my parents to worry. hopefully my plan works. amin.

just received a rather sad and disappointing news. went very panicky for half an hour. bless my heart for being healthy and capable to cope those palpitations and adrenaline rush. as usual, my first reaction was 'fuck'. then 'bloody hell'. then 'badak bodoh'. and the list of curses goes on. am now a bit sad, and disappointed. what the hell. dont feel like want to share it with anyone.

one note: there is a reason why someone refuse to answer your call. full stop. think about it. ask me no question, and i'll tell you no lie.

kinda pissed off at the moment. better keep myself in my room

i'm not feeling well. i think it's the weather. main tukar suka2 hati je. it can be so bright and hot, then suddenly a really really cold wind came by. but i think it was the tiring weekend and the ice-cream/smoothies that i had made me feel sick. thank god i'm having my easter break now. boleh la golek2 atas katil without worrying about any workload.

weekend was filled with some guests coming over at the house. i'm not fond with new faces, especially when they came in a group. anyway, since they were not my guests, i stayed in my room all the time. call me rude, but i dont care. on sunday me and ellina joined mu'azzah and syahril, her fiance, to york factory outlet. both of them wanted to buy some wedding stuff, while i bought 4 pairs of shoes hahaha. ninewest shoes for 5 quids each. puas hati gile. a pair of them even match the sequined handbag that i bought a few months ago. the handbag is quite glamorous, and i bought it for my own wedding hantaran, and now i have a pair of shoes that match! suka hati gile. i also bought an elle sling bag for half price its recommended price. lagi suka hati. the funny thing was that i just declared my promise to not buy another handbag, like, 20 minutes earlier, before i went to the elle shop and fall in love with the sling bag. agak padan muka gak la haha. takpe la, i really like the new handbag.

someone bought me an early birthday gift la la la. mama bought me a zen micro! and it's orange in colour, exactly like i want! suka hati gile bobeng. it all started when kak lysa planned to buy iwan a zen micro as a gift for his spm result. then i told mama how good is that zen, as 2 of my housemates have them and that both of them like it. i also told mama that if i was to have one, i think orange would be the funkiest one. then one day i got a call from iwan saying that they had bought me one. suka hati suka hati. the problem now is to how to get the zen micro to myself. it's in malaysia, and they dont think it's safe to post it, so i think the best solution is to pass it to nadine when he goes to malaysia this may. may? ayoo..have to wait for a month and a half to hold my beloved zen.

plan of the day? nothing. think i'll make myself a good chicken soup. aisey, i got no veggie. am too lazy to go to hutchinson's to get some fresh ones. hmm we'll see.

finally the presentation is over. it wasnt bad, but it wasnt brilliant either. the presentation part went alright, i think it went smooth, well, according to my standard la, but the question-answer session was a bit, how can i say...shaky. didnt manage to answer a couple of questions, i think, mostly because i didnt know the answer. well, the questions were slightly over my topic, but i could have invented some answers to satisfy the questioner, in which i havent. well. there is nothing to regret about, all past is past, and there is nothing i can do to change the grade, whatever it is.

so i'm having my easter break now, for 2 weeks. no plan, just work, work and work. i couldnt afford to go anyway, so better stay still and quiet in newcastle.

nothing much happen lately. the last few days were spend with the presentation. oh yeah, me and ellina went to tesco extra on wednesday evening and bought lots, lots and lots of food. mainly junk food ahaha. we had to call a taxi to go home. imagine, we had about 5 to 6 bags, each. both were quite shocked to see how much food we had bought and how much it cost. so, a self-reminder: never ever go to tesco extra when i'm hungry or early of the month when money is good.

ellina's friends are coming over this weekend. nadine's too. hopefully the water wont cause any more trouble. last evening there was some water/tangki problem somewhere and they had to close the main pipe. so we didnt have water in the shower room, which is at the 1st floor, due to low water pressure. it was alright this morning, thank god, or else i would have to go to the university sport centre to have my shower.

cant think of anything else to write. ellina and her friend, yusra, want to join me ronda2 town in an 1 hour time. i'm thinking of going to metro centre, but my bag that i have to carry, is quite heavy, well, since i have a second pair of shoes inside. wonder if there is somewhere i can put my stuff. fat chance.

weekend plan? relax, relax and more relax. sleep, sleep and more sleep. oh yeah, F1. weeeeeee heeeeeeee

statistics.

...........

for the first time in myself, i dont understand numbers. numbers and maths had been my strongest subject in schools, and now after more than 5 years of no-numbers, no-calculation life, i'm lost. it's bitter to swallow.

there was something about numbers that satistied me. they never lie. 2 plus 3 is 5, and will always be 5, and you can never change that. my heart was full of joy everytime i did numbers. i would smile from ear to ear everytime i did numbers. when i was 16 going 17, i cried to my mum and told her how much i loved numbers and that i would like very much to spend the rest of my life doing numbers. i would breath, live and die with numbers. that was how much i loved my numbers. she just went silent.

that was almost 10 years ago. i havent done numbers for a looong time, well, sometimes i do count for the house phonebills, whenever ct allows me. even the maths books that i swore to treasure for the rest of my life, had gone. my family had moved around quite a lot, and for me being away, they lost most of my stuff. a few years back when life got rough, i cried silently on my bed and soothed myself with good memories and reminded myself of my long-lost love of numbers. i used to promise myself to not let go of this love and tried to do as much numbers as i can, but it seemed to remain just as a promise. i couldnt even remember what standard deviation and variance are. i couldnt even remember how to do differentiation. i have lost my numbers.

lets not cry now, shall we. life has chosen a different path for me. i need to focus on my path now and there is no use to cry for the past. now, how shall i understand this sample variance study thingy? it is part of my presentation, the ol supervisor who declared himself as 'statistic genius' (...) had done all the statistic calculation himself and didnt explain it to me. now that it's part of my presentation where they have question-answer session and that there might be questions about the calculation from the audience, so in other words, i need to know about this sample variance study thingy in 2 days time. got it?