My World

not in the mood to blog actually, but going to do it anyway since i've got some time to spare.

the campus is having its open day, otherwise known as 'hari terbuka desa' or 'expocampus'. it is a 3-day event, with lots of stalls around the campus. it is not as big as i though it would be, but here being a branch campus and located quite far away from the main uni campus, it is understandable. bought a few things like t-shirts and key-chains, mainly to help fellow first years friends with their stalls, and i also adopted.... a pair of turtles! hehe it was quite an impulsive thing to do, i know. among one of the sections in the expocampus is the 'flora & fauna show' and i went to one of the stalls just to look around. they have various kind of fishes like ikan laga and ikan gapi, and then i saw those turtles! so cute! they look at me and said 'adopt me! i'm yours!' (ok ok i was imagining here hehe). so i bought a pair of them, along with it's bekas and food. they're now formally known as kenshin and kaoru (from samurai x, if anyone was wondering..) and yup, they're a pair!

besides that, nothing special was going on. enjoyed the company, got myself some henna, ate lots of food, missed to go to the haunted house as none of my friends wanted to go there huh, and got my beloved ellyz washed at one of the stalls that provided carwash services. i was planning to buy a ophthalmoscope/otoscope there but they turned out to be quite pricey (rm900!). think i'll survey at kl first to see if i can get it cheaper. i will only need it this november.

still havent sort out the wedding card. ellina suggested me to order online, and i have browsed around but couldnt find the card design that i wanted. i know! i'm fussy hehe. but things are not proceeding as smooth as what i would like it to be. just wish that my family would stop protruding and interfering with our affair. we are the one who're getting married, for god sake.

this is what made me misrable this weekend.

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think i'll take the car and drive around. moody moody. on second thought, dont think it is a good idea. driving can make me angry too. damn those rude and impatient drivers! think i'll play with the turtles first before deciding on what to do next.

angry weekend :(

had some rough days lately. today's the worst. altho i've already anticipated this, but when it happens for real, man it sucks. guess i have to follow what my horoscope told me today - 'you may have to don a tough skin today, dear leo...' haha

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on a brighter note, it was my birthday yesterday. so happy birthday to me :) thanks for the text messages, they really brighten my already gloomy day yesterday. as usual, like years previously, i spent it with.... a big, fat, juicy slice of chocolate cheesecake haha. lucky they got secret recipe here, their choc cheesecake is not bad but i do miss M&S belgian choc cheesecake. heaven! this year i almost forgot about my birthday until i received the text messages wishing me happy birthdays. that was how rough these past few days were.

anyway, nothing special for me this year. i've already received some advanced birthday presents from my family. my sis gave me 10 GSC movie ticket vouchers; she knows how kemaruk i am to watch movies haha. mama gave me some cash to do some facials, think i'll do it this weekend, just found a leonard drake's branch saloon over at this town. my sis-in-law gave me some really lovely brooches, so colourful i think it can match my wedding ring :p. still waiting for some more presents from mr fiance, but i guess this year he's a bit kopak from all the wedding preparation, so i guess i'm not receiving anything this year huhu. nevermind, think i'll regard the wedding ring and it's lovely pendant as birthday presents :)

about my trip back home, it was short and packed.

day 0 - finished class at 7pm (!). ellyz (my car - yes it's a girl and it has a name that i dah cap mohor kat bontot kanan die hehe) decided to meragam and wouldnt start. second hand car... what can i expect? after mr oh-so-hensem-and-cool mechanic helped to jump-start the car, off i went to azali's parents house. arrived there at 10pm, almost cried while driving becos it was raining heavily, with strong wind, plus i'm not used to drive alone at night, where i couldnt see properly.

day 1 - left to kuantan, convoying with azali's parents, aunt and uncle. azali's mum accompanied me driving. she was a good company :) we discussed some really interesting topics, especially regarding mr fiance hehe. arrived kuantan at 1pm, mama prepared some lunch, and being a typical jawa, food always comes first before anything else :p. then the serious org2 tua punya discussion regarding the wedding. so it's confirmed, insyaallah, to be on the 25th of october, with azali's reception a week after that. they also discussed about the hantaran and azali's mum explained about the typical kelantanese hantaran (pulut semangat anyone?). i dont think jawa people got anything specific to be put on the dulang hantaran huh. after discussion, they left back at 3 something and i then sorted out my room. dad said i cant drive to kl cos he wanted the car to be checked thoroughly. typical mum got bored with second hand cars (dad got 4 at home) and begged dad to get me a viva. dad acted as if he didnt hear a word mum said haha. i love my car a lot and felt a bond between us (seriously! hehe) but she is just quite unreliable..

day 2 - i followed dad to kl for a day trip. he had a meeting in kl, so i ikut sekali. i met maisarah! she's so so adorable. dah boleh jalan dah :) and her hair is definitely longer and more feminine now. went to see one of the tailor who made my wedding dress at ampang point. it was supposed to be a fitting session, but the dress was so loose they decided to take another measurement and remake the dress :(. had lunch with azali and kak lysa at klcc. went back home to kuantan with dad and driver at 5pm. it was quite emotional to part with maisarah huhu

day 3 - car day. sent it the mechanics, the car electrical people and the car accesories people. finished late afternoon, then rushed to see the second tailor who made my baju nikah and other wedding dress. longgar jugak. but it was alterable and due to be done the next day. had dinner with parents at kuantan and yours truly ate 25 cucuk sate cos she's bengang hilang 5kg and baju2 wedding semue kene alter haha

day 4 - time spent with parents. breakfast with mama and we bought almost 4kg of pulasan and ate together at home and abis licin semua in one go haha. afternoon - car tutorial with dad. he likes second hand car so much, he loves it even more when there is someone there listening to all the things he wants to say about cars :p. then pie amik baju that was promised yesterday - but mama x puas hati and so i had to send it back to the tailor. mama said tak kemas and scolded me for not sending it to the tailor at ampang point. i said the ampang point tailor's fee can get more than 10 dresses made by the kuantan tailor's fee, and who's going to pay for that? so no completed wedding dress for me, yet :(. another bad news: bunga telor people was so busy he couldnt find a time to see me to show the bunga telor sample. i was pissed off but nothing could be done. he promised to post it to my place at the uni after the weekend. he better be!

day 5 - drive back to uni, 5 hours, alone. parents went to kl for a myanmar trip the next day. super tired!

and the rough days started...

so sorry to ellina for not being able to meet you at kl as promised. next time mesti jumpe nyer ok!

well, look at the brighter side - i'm going back in 2 weeks time to buka posa with the whole family at ampang. iwan and everyone else will be in kl as well hehe. it's going to be a short weekend trip, but at least now i dont have to wait til the summer arrive, then the 12-hour flight to see my family again :)

now how can i find any wedding card people in this place? dont think they have any yellow pages here....

how can it be like this? how did it turn out like this? sigh... am talking about my wedding..

it supposed to be a simple and straighforward event. simple yet nice. nice meaning nice to my eyes ie it is done according to my taste, my choice. that's it. and it happens to be that my choice of a wedding is a simple, yet nice wedding. that's all. is it too hard to ask?

i've blogged about my dream wedding in previous posts, i've slow-talked my parents about it since i got engaged, meaning since 4 years ago, i've been constantly telling everyone about what kind of wedding that i have dreamt about, yet no one seems to listen or understand. which part of it that is so hard to understand?

i dont want insignificant people to come to my wedding. insignificant people that meant nothing to me to come and show off their faces at my wedding. it's supposed to be MY day, my happy day, and why should these people who bring nothing but pain and suffering in my life to come and be a guest at MY day? and since people who are significant to my life happen to be quite limited, hence the small, simple, yet nice wedding event. is it too difficult to understand?

significant people meaning my friends, whoever they are, regardless of status or rank or whose father is a datuk or a farmer, who brought me joy, helped, supported and held my hands (not literally lol) when i have tears in my eyes, no matter in happiness or sadness, who taught me invaluable lessons about life that made me who i am today, friends who accept me just the way i am, friends who are meaningful to me, not just everyday friends. significant people meaning my aunt, who raised me like her own daughter for a whole year when my own mother had to fulfill her duty as a wife to my father that brought her to follow him to the opposite side of the world. my cousin who acted like a big brother to me when i have none myself. my uncle who came and saw me immediately when he heard about the unfortunate news about me and offered his help. these people are significant to me.

not a classmate who i had never talked to. not a friend who i had not been in contact for 10 years. not an aunt who came to my engagement event and ruined it all by commenting on my swatch and said it was not suitable and lady-like enough for the event, then forcing me to wear all the barang kemas that my mum had, then asked me to take off my colourful socks (it's my event, so i chose what i want to wear, you old bitch). or an aunt who would say, either i'm fat or tanned (gelap) without fail everytime i come to see her. or a cousin who commented on my fiance's family by saying 'awat tunang ko and famili die nampak cam org kampung je?' and looked at me sengih2. what the hell?

it's just happened also that i am the kind of person who keep grudges. so there you go.

so i'm kinda sad, angry, and frustated, when dad decided to sewa a bus for the whole of his relatives from kuala selangor to come to kuantan. plus sewakan rumah lagi for the whole lot. to be frank, i dont like my relatives, generally. there are good aunties, uncles and cousins, who i would like very much to see them come to my wedding, and these people would come because they want to come and see me as a bride, and would never ask anything in return, like duit minyak or duit hotel.

and then there are now going to be not 3, but 5 khemahs. so it IS going to be big. and full with people who i dont even talk to. my parents just called in 5 minutes ago telling me they have decided to invite ALL their friends as well. all the datins, datuks whatever. so the wedding is going to be far from simple (..........). meaning the initial expected 200 guests, would be 600 now. i love my parents to death, but all the things that i've been telling them for the last 4 years seems to fall to deaf ears. they KNOW i want a small event, they PROMISED that it's going to be small, they PROMISED to let me do it my way, that's what i have been doing for the last 4 months - act as my own wedding planner and choose everything and do it my way. if i know they are going to campur tangan, like, 2 months before the wedding, might as well let them DO it ALL kan? mum likes gold so much, so let me wear a gold wedding dress, kan senang? dad loves his relatives sgt, baik buat majlis kat ampang je kan? no need for me to go here and there just to find a wedding boutique in kuantan that knows how to make bunga stokin (lucky got one, the rest never heard of that bunga stokin before when in kl melambak2 that kind of bunga telor), go here and there to get someone who knows how to make my pelamin (pelamin bunga hidup? tak pernah dengar, dono how to make etc - typical kuantan wedding boutique answer).

the thing about me is that i can be very fussy, when i am left in charge. repeat - when i am left IN CHARGE. if someone else in charge, i tend to be able to accept them, providing the standard is not too low. initially i wasnt a fussy bride. all i want is to get married to my fiance and spend the rest of my life with him. full stop. i didnt care about the pelamin, the makan beradap, the scallop, the fresh flowers. but now since they asked me to be in charge, of EVERYTHING, that's when i got fussy. when i was given more than one option to choose, of course la kan i want to choose the best kan? and that's when i can be very fussy, and detailed about my choice. and then after about 75% of everything been arranged, and NOW they want to campur tangan?

this wedding thing is giving me a headache. with the supposed dresses not yet finished as planned, well, it's not the tailors fault, i lost about 5 kg weight since i last saw them and now all the dresses gile longgar. lari 2 inchies, everyt part of the dresses. honestly, the weight lost wasnt intentional, i dah lost hope dah with my previous body size and never attempted any diet whatsoever, so i guess if you want to lose weight, go and study at local ipta ok? haha. for the first time in my life, i dont feel happy for losing weight. now my dresses kene bukak balik and they wont be the same. i can just hope and doa the tailors can fix it.

guess this is what will happen if you're tired and then you blog. you tend to just pour it out loud. i just drove for 5 hours straight and i'm knackered. at least got one good news: i can absolutely drive :)

and also, if you receive an invitation card to my wedding, you know that you're significant to me ;) and i would be very honoured if you could come to my wedding and share the happy event with me. but if you cant come, it's ok. but you know that you're significant in my life :)

was just about to change this blog's template, but then, nah. cant be bothered to do it. it will, at least, take me half a day to complete it all. am a bit (very) slow with computers. tau takpe haha. maybe i'll change it some other day.

bosan katak. malam minggu. got nothing planned. altho got lots to do. you know - cant-be-bothered-with-anything kind of phase. i know i know.. i should at least try to finish that long-overdue tutorial exercise. but what in the f*** would i need to know about the pathophysiology of bla di bla?? that is so damn long time ago i doubt if the knowledge is still there in my head. if there is pun, it must be somewhere at the very back shelf, gile habuk berkilo2 sampai it's unrecognisable. sigh..

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one thing i realised recently when i browsed through friends and acquitances' blogs is that some of it are really really good. some people can really write. i'm totally amazed with these people who can write high standard writing. i really wish i can write like that, tho the truth mine is nooo way near theirs huhu. i'm not talking about entries by those who writes for a living, but these bloggers are everyday people - housewifes, chefs, accountants, artists.

one of the main reason why i blog is to improve my writing (other reason is for my emotional well-being haha). i know my writing is nowhere perfect, with grammatical errors here and there, but at least now i can write anytime i want and i can almost type instantenously and spontaneously on whatever topic i want to write. it used to be so much worse. before it took me several hours just to post an entry, with so much editing had to be done. but now i can just spend several minutes, during lunch time or so, to prepare an entry. so i'm kind of happy, and proud, to have this blog, for it has a positive effect on me, and not just a field where i can let out my thoughts and emotions.

however since i came here, i realise that the environment here is somewhat different. quite different actually. no one actually care to read english newspapers. or at least care to browse to http://www.thesun.com.my/, or http://www.metro.co.uk/ ke? no one talks or writes in english. only those who want to show-off haha me being one. cos i know if i dont do it now, i will soon lose the ability to do so. seriously. and it was such a frustation to talk to your colleagues about english movies and celebrities, let alone what's been happening to the outside world? all they know is fasha sanda and erra fazira, and movies like ayat-ayat cinta and kl drift. they dont even know who is heath ledger (bless his soul) or edward norton. but of course they know about the anwar's trial, but dont know about today's beijing olympics opening ceremony? i remembered this one time i asked one of my classmates at mrsm taiping whether she knew obiwan kenobi. guess you already know the answer. THE obiwan kenobi pun tak kenal, when the rest of world, at least, heard about him? wanna bet if ipta students nowadays know about obama if i ask them?

enough with the rumbling. i'm grateful with the existance of the internet, and i'm glad with the several years of experience living at the outside world - it makes me open my eyes and realise that the world doesnt evolve around, er, malaysia, and that there are many other things that are worth to think about, other than who won the latest akademi fantasia.

ok ok enough for today :p this is what will happen when you bosan katak malam minggu with nothing to do haha

gosh how time flies.. it's friday already. weee no weekend oncall! time to finish my readings :)

actually got nothing to write. life's the same here everyday. but i dont mind routines. help me to be organised.

gosh i really got nothing to write. think i'll take a short nap before hitting the books again.

btw, this is my niece, maisarah. i miss her like crazy huhu. she's so adorable. she just had her 1st birthday last month, on the 20th of july. her mum, ie my sis-in-law threw a small birthday party but i couldnt make it :( cant wait to go home next week. maisarah jgn lupe acik nina ye :)


the panda bag and panda teddy atuk ie my dad bought from beijing. see how she loves them!
heard that she can walk now. and her hair is longer now. cant wait to see her!

finally i have some time to update this blog.

dont know actually what to write eh haha

i'm so tired at the moment. need to catch up with my sleep. guess that have to wait til weekend. last saturday was the second in a row that i had oncalls on a weekend day. damn how tired it was. with the reading load getting higher and higher each day. am hoping to cover it all by next week. as if haha. but no matter what happen, i still have to finish it all by then.

by this time next week i'll be in kuantan! weee! i hope the journey will be safe and sound, insyaAllah. but i wont be driving alone like i planned before. azali's parents gonna convoy with me to kuantan. they want to accompany me and make sure i arrive safely. they also want to meet my parents and discuss about the wedding. since the beginning me and azali seldom involve our parents up til the end. we made most of the decision ourselves and most of the time our parents will comply. somehow my mum can sense this so she warned me awal2 lagi to at least tell her about our plan to get wed at least 3 months earlier. and i did exactly that. but knowing azali, i know he, for some reason, doesnt like to tell and involve his family up to the very very end. like what happen during our engagement, my family knew about it about a month before, while his family was only being told by azali only 1 week b4! so typical of him huh. so this time, i took the matter on my own hands and was in touch with his family from the beginning. and i know his parents were glad to be involved.

reading one of my friend's blog made me smile. she wrote about wedding rings, and made me think of my own chosen wedding ring. it was already been bought about 2 months ago. initially i thought of not having a wedding ring for the batal air sembahyang ceremony, maybe a bracelet of some sort. firstly becos i wasnt sure about the type and cut of the ring that i want for my wedding. secondly, i had already received my dream ring for my engagement. but i always know that if i would have one, i would like a different one, ie not a typical wedding ring.

then one day i accompanied my mum to one of her favourite place, habib ampang point to do her usual thing (dont ask me what). then i saw this ring. and it did speak to me! (it didnt sing 'i'm yours' unfortunately, as i hadnt heard of that song yet at that time, but i'm certain if i had knew it at that time, the ring would most certainly sang to me hihi). i had a very strong feeling on that ring, and i wasnt sure what. it said that it should belong to me, and that it should be mine. funny eh? and when i tried it, it fits so well! as if it was meant to be mine. of course i couldnt buy it there and then, must ask mr fiance first maa, as this wedding is not going to be mine alone.

so i asked the habib people to keep it for me first, and i went back and asked azali. that night he said altho it's a gift from him to me, i'm the one who's going to wear the ring, and as long as i'm happy with it, he'll be happy too. that's my azali to you! haha of course being typical azali, he also told me that he actually doesnt like accompany me shopping for our wedding stuff, if he could help it, knowing how fussy i can be. and he said he trusts my choice, so as long as i had looked around and made my choice and dont regret it later, it would be fine for him too. that is TOTALLY fine with me, cos i KNOW i can be fussy and difficult to handle when it comes to buying (all) my stuff. so i bought the ring, along with it's set pendant, a few days after that. that's one of the many things i like about my azali, he knows i like to make my own choices altho i would like to hear his opinion, we accept each other as we are and we complete each other ;)

ok imagine if i was this typical malay girl who is sensitive when it goes to going shopping alone. you know, those girls who never go out alone, mesti ade org yg kwnkan, do this together, do that together. then i'll be totally sedih sampai nangis2 (ok i'm exaggerating here haha) cos kene pegie cari brg kawin sorang2, sampai hati my fiance tak kwnkan, it's going to be our wedding afterall. so kan susah if dpt org like azali who doesnt care about this shopping2 thingy and is not very emotional in most of things in life?

then imagine if azali if a guy who thinks that he is THE man, everything must be done according to his way, must get his permission, everything must be done through him. and there are a lot of guys like this out there, especially malay guys who like to think that they are in control, and like to be informed in many ways. so kan susah if dpt girl like me, who has a mind of her own, who knows what she wants, and doesnt like to be ordered around, knows to make her mind up and is independent in many ways?

dont get me wrong, those people that i've mentioned above are not bad people. they are just the variation of people out there, and they will indeed suit and meant for some other girls and guys out there, but they aint for me haha.

so both of us do complement each other. i'm always like this, and he's always like that, and we dont try to change one another. of course la none of us are perfect, and we do remind each other about our mistakes and try to improve ourselves in many ways. and we do have our ups and downs, no two humans are the same, and we are still together after all these years, and just thinking about him makes me smile, everytime. i dont know anything about soulmates, those were created by some poets i guess, but i do know that this is the guy that i want to spend the rest of my life with :)

ok you can stop muntah hijau now hehe

anyway, so there it is. my wedding ring. almost everyone was surprised with my choice, it isnt a typical wedding ring. first thing that azali said when he saw the ring was 'mcm gula2!!'. hehe. my aunties were left speechless. seriously speechless. and being typical me, i dont (want to hear and) care what other people say, cos i know it's my choice and i like it so much. so typical of me ;p. so who said i'm unpredictable?