My World

sigh..tomoro's monday. yup, the weekend was short, as usual.

saturday's highlights were visits to some eid open houses, some snow, and the 6th anne of green gables book. ct and i went to kak jua's house to have her delicious roast chicken and elmi's tasty dessert. then we went to mu'azzah house to eat some more good food; nasi minyak, sate, kuah kacang and caramel cakes. a big big thank you to our hostess. it was snowy when we left mu'azzah's house, but i managed to drag ct to town to get the 6th anne's book. of course i started to read that book as soon as i reached home ;)

sunday morning's full with laziness. i felt a little down this morning, i got my mind occupied with something. i decided to have a walk in town to ease my mind. the town was rather empty, which was good. went back home after spending a couple of hours in town, but i still had this awkward feeling.

emptiness.
insecurity.
boredom.
reality.
mask.
complicatedness.

managed to do some work tonite despite of the feelings that i had, so i felt better, a bit.

maybe i think too much. but i always think too much.

really hope this feeling will go off soon.

i had a tiring day. morning was filled with seminars, with one of the doctor's first name Babi, and i wasnt kidding. the afternoon was left to clerk some patients in the ward, and i had to spend more time as my patient was half deaf, luckily he was nice. had to present the history to one of the tutor, dr m, who is quite 'famous' among the girls for his good looking, and 5 out of 6 ppl in my group are girls, so you can imagine how the history presentation session went. i already had a plan to meet up with ct, nadine and yus at odeon later to watch some movies started at 5.20. since the bus from my hospital takes about 35 minutes to town, i really hope to finish early. and because i dont fancy seeing some girls giggling blushingly to impress a good looking registrar duh. i arrived at odeon at 5.30 and managed to watch the first movie without missing a bit.

the first movie was Closer. honestly, i wasnt keen to watch this movie, it wasnt actually my cup of tea. but since we planned to catch at least 2 movies tonight and we had a rather late start cos of me finished at 5, so i think i shouldnt complaint much about the choice of movies. it turned out the movie wasnt that bad. jude law was soo hootttt, and i think natalie potman is ok-ish. not as hot as everybody says she is. she is fiinnneee, petite, with an innocent looking face and i dont think she can be a good stripper (honestly, with a petite body size and A-cup breasts? i dont think so. bring some voluptuous women here please..not girls haha). well, the plot was ok, quite disturbing, for me, i might say. honestly, i hate 3 out of the 4 characters in that movie. the actings were really good, dont get me wrong, but it was the characters' personalities that disturbed me, in some way or another.

jude law, hot he maybe, but his character was a coward and selfish one. i always believe that, if one leaves one's partner to be with someone else, then one is not trustworthy. i always have this believe that if someone has the heart to leave his partner to be with someone else, then how could i know that he will not leave his new partner to be with another new and fresh partner? well, i dont know, maybe because i found it hard to trust someone who broke my trust. and i hate those who pursue selfish love. like a married man leaving his wife and children to be with his girlfriend. or a guy who keeps on stalking a girl who has a bf. well, i dont like that. i know that love cannot be forced, but i do believe that it can be controlled or even prevented before it becomes worse or 'melarat'.

julia robert was quite good, as she normally is. but again she pursued selfish love in this movie. i knew that her husband was rough and 'not gentle' as she said it, but that didnt permit her to fuck another guy. and is there any honesty left in this world? if you stop loving your partner/spouse/gf/bf, just tell them. asap. why not? i dont think people will blame you like they blame for late informing your other half, like a year after having an affair with another person.

people always says that i see things in black and white. no grey. full stop. well, i like to see things in black and white, cos it will make things easier to see and manage, but i am aware that in reality there is no such thing as black or white, there is always something in between. i like simple, straightforward things. although i am fully aware of the complicatedness of life.

and natalie portman. i like her character. it showed that a stripper can have an honest heart, who pursues true love, like everybody else. the only mistake that she made was that she loved her partner tooo much. never ever give your heart 100% to your loved ones. always keep, at least, 20% for yourself, so that when your loved one leave you (believe me, there is always a possibility for this to happen, no matter how chenta hati terjun gunung punya cinta), you still have some love left to console your broken heart.

the 2nd movie that we watched was Elektra. jennifer garner. in red leather suit. kick some butt. what else can you ask? i didnt have any expectation for this movie, i just watched it to see jennifer garner kicks some ass. and she did that. and i'm truly satistisfied ha ha. it turned out the movie was quite ok. the plot was a bit weak, but who cares? ha ha. guess she will be in my dreams tonite..drooling...

i'm not working tomoro as the gp surgery will not be opened for some reason. well i need some rest anyway. 2 of my friends invite me to go to their houses tomoro for eid, and of course i wouldnt say no to free food hehe.... nite.

my upstair neighbour has always been very fond of grease (i mean the movie, not the oily thingy, hei). you can see his cheerful smiling face whenever someone mention the word 'grease' in front of him. and i'm now listening to grease's soundtracks from his room. well i dont mind. those songs are nice. and i'm pretty sure i heard some dancing steps upstairs. janji ko hepi yus hihhi. i'm enjoying myself with the songs as well :)

he he i bought the next anne of green gables book! i've tried my best to not buy this book, for various reasons, but mainly for me to gain control of my own decision and to not follow my heart too much. i went to the city library after i finished my gp session today and spent more than an hour there to find a suitable book for me to read. i have this strong desire to read, i mean read fictional book, but i'm not sure what to read. i realised that i'm a fussy reader when i couldnt find anything that satisfy me. the only few books that seemed interesting were the children fictional books. i like children books, mainly for the storylines and plots. like the 1st two of the harry potter books, the plots are light and funny. i dont prefer heavy plots with non-conventional characters' names, like in LOTR, i find it hard to follow. think my IQ is not high enough to read those kind of books. i read story books to please my mind. i dont want to burden my head, as i think i have enough real life burden to think of.

and i like uk's fictional books, mainly because of the language used. i dont think american english is simple, but i think they lack of something. sense of humour i think. and sarcasm. i like the adjectives used in the uk's book. the way they describe things, it's full of sarcasm, yet humourous as well. i like a little bit of fantasy, but not too much like in terry pratchett's books. harry potters' books are just nice. and i like a single main character book. like in HP, anne and the geisha book, than multi characters book, like in little women or lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events. it felt more real, as there is only one author for each story book, and the author represents the character in the book.

i know i'm not qualified to give such comments on books. well, i didnt comment, i just give out my preference.

i still got babies topic in my mind ha ha. maternal instinct? i dont think so. i guess it's because i'm old and longing to settle down. i feel old. i'm not sure why i feel that way . i'll be 25 this august. god..it's a quarter of a century. damn i feel old. i cant imagine myself having my own baby now, of course, maybe i just want to have a different life than my present one. i'm bored of being a student, renting a house with other students. no no i dont mean i dont like living with my friends, i just want to settle down, live in a proper house with some proper furnitures. i want to cook properly and clean the house. not just cleaning my room and cook microwaved food. i know i can cook properly now, but what for? i want to cook for someone and have the meal with someone. i know i'm good at taking care of others, but rather poor at taking care of myself. i just cant see the purpose of having a proper cooked meal if it's for me alone. well, i just have to accept the fact that that dream of mine will not be materialised for at least 3 years from now. and the person that i supposed to share that dream with is 11 000km away from me. jolly good.

going to watch csi double tonight yippee! tomoro i'm free yippee! nite :)

just a quick one. need to sleep pretty soon.

visited a few fotopages just now. mostly (er, all) were babies pictures. cepatnye masa berjalan. mus, laila, atik, juliana..all have got babies now. erm..my guess in a year time, there will be more, i bet it would be liza's and wirda's next year ho ho ho. best of luck dear friends. miss you guys.

cant help but to think of my own. my own baby. ha ha. cant believe i'm writing this. me? the girl who hates children? ha ha. i hate children, generally, but if it's my own, of course i'll love him/her. and of course i love my friends' babies! i already have a rough image of my 1st child, having had no less then 10 dreams about her. yup, i think it's a she. positive. well, you cant be too sure kan. cant wait!

today has been a productive day. me like it. me satisfied.

managed to refrain myself from buying the 4th anne of green gables book. hooray! i read clinical medicine book instead. okeyla tu. need to keep my feet on the ground.

ngantuk sih ngantuk sih. 'll try to write longer tomoro, i hope. nite.

ps: miss you too huda. how's our plan to go to belfast? or is it germany? ha ha. sory i cant have the comments here in my blog. hmm..not ready yet. am fully happy with the current situation. no need to care about some other stupid anonymous comments. have a good day huda!

i've been spending the whole weekend reading story books! i finished the 3rd anne of green gables book this morning. was sooo tempted to run to town to get the 4th book, but i managed to get hold of myself. i need to get a life! i didnt eat, bath or did anything else but to finish those books. i dont know huh. i'm always like this. when i read fictional books, i tend to get really really absorb into it, if you know what i mean. i feel it soo damn real, sampai mimpi2 tak tipu.

i like this anne book. the words are soo beautiful, i like beautiful and poetic words, but not too big or too heavy, like shakespear ka. this book is really nice, the author describes the characters and the sceneries well. anne, the main character, has such a pure heart, those who meet her cant help but falling in love with her. if i meet her, guess i'll fall in love with her too. and i know i cant be like her. i guess i like the author more than the character. although these books didnt give me the heart rush like when i read harry potter books, but i couldnt help but to have those 'flowery' feeling when i read them. such a good book. i cant wait to read the 4th, 5th and 6th book, and ct told me that there is the 7th book! yee haa! 5 pounds for each book..aisey aisey. hei, look at the brighter side..at least it's not 10 quids each! haha.

just like to put those titles:
1. anne of green gables
2. anne of avonlea
3. anne of the island
4. anne of windy willows
5. anne's house of dreams
6. anne of ingleside
7. lupa plak..rain something something

cant wait cant wait. tried to read 'little women' tadi, but i cant seem to get my mind off anne. ceh i guess i have to get the 4th book tomoro. i want to try to control myself, at least try not be too absorb with the story. i need to do other things as well...hmm..like read a proper academic book ka (oh i wish i am like my other 2 housemates! huhu). takpe2. think logically, pijak di dunia yg nyata, elly...

guess i have to go now. need to get my bag ready for tomoro, set my mind on what i want to wear tomoro, eat supper, then sleep. nite...

the last entry was kinda..er, scary..i have to admit. well, i did feel that way at that time, and i do feel it every now and then, sometimes with no particular reason at all. some people do have a low self-esteem, i know mine is low, and i know i have to improve it, but sometimes it is just out of one's control. sometimes you just feel soooo low and feel as if life is not worth living, at all. it's kinda sad, cos i know that i shouldnt take life for granted. life only once, well that was once my motto of life, but man..how hard can one's life be? man..i shouldnt complain, i know i know

well, these past couple of days have been a relaxing, and organised one, for me. i managed to finish my presentation and essay this morning and thought i should treat myself for being organised on my work (this seldom happens, you see). so i went to town to buy myself something that i like, but i wasnt sure what. finally, i decided to cut my hair. luckily, there was an offer at the salon. they said that if i cut my hair and do some treatment, i can have my hair coloured for free. cool. plus 20% off for student. so i did that. i choose to colour my hair dark red initially, but my hair was soo dark, it didnt change colour at all. finally, they have to re-coloured my hair using 'intense red' dye. it took me 3 hours altogether to get my hair done. rase nyesal plak for spending so much time at a salon. time is precious man..but like i have anything else to do..i finished my work what haha. anyway, my hair now is not 'intense red', tho i wish to have it really red. it's..blackish red. damn my hair is wayy too dark

yey i got a new hobby. well, it's part of my unofficial new year resolution (like i have an official one duh). i'm hooked to story books! (kinda sad huh..baru skrg nk baca buku huhu). i finished reading 'anne of green gables' two days ago and got the 2nd book, 'anne of avonlea' the next day! i like story books that tells one's life, like this book, and the 'memoir of a geisha' book. i like to read about someone's life and then compare it with my life. this way i know that everybody's life is also complicated and not straight forward, like mine.

i made a conclusion that being anti-social + less going out + alone in the room = got my school work done! funny heh. plus my new hobby, i think it fits well with me liking to be alone + want to have my school work done. me organising myself. kinda hard actually cos i'm the worst in organising my stuff. well, that's my other new year resolution!

need to go to bed now. tomoro got some presentation to, er, present. kinda hungry, but couldnt be bothered to eat anything. night.