My World

i have been reluctant to write this blog lately, as it was used by some people inappropriately. they read this blog and know about certain part of my life, and when they meet my actual frens, whether in newcastle, london or kl, they pretend that they know me and try to 'link' themselves to my frens in order to create topics of conversation. i dont like that, especially when these people are the people that i dont like. mind you, there is not that many people that i dont like in this world, so when i decide to not liking them, they must have done something serious and bad to me. out of these people, i can say i really really dont like (other word: hate) only 1 person, while the others are just some people who i dont really click, or such a k-poh, have bigger mouth that their head etc ie some of their character i dont like or prefer, eg the girl from my hosp group. and i dont actually hate these people, i just dont prefer them. but this 1 person, she really hurted me and betrayed my trust. i stood beside her for 2 years and trusted her, and i thought i was her friend, but she actually stabbed my back slowly without me realising it.

she made me promised not to tell anyone about her boyfren staying with her and she said she didnt do any sinful thing with him. and i trusted her. you see, i'm not the kind of person who bother much about what other people's doing, as long as it doesnt involve me. i dont care, and i really dont want to care, if she does something/anything with her bf, but please dont involve me into it. but she told me right in front of my face that she was not doing anything. fine. and eventually, somebody knew about them (it wasnt me, dono, somebody caught her doing 'suspicious' things in town/park, dono) and they asked me various questions about her and her bf, as she lives with me. and being a trustful friend, i told them what i thought was the truth. and i hate this. i dont like being org tgh. i dont like to get involve. i just like to mind my own business.

and honestly, i dont know the truth. i heard various romours about her and again, being a trustful friend, i ignored all these as i trusted her. but then action speaks louder than words. i didnt know what happened, i wasnt sure whether she changed into a different person or it was me who being blind all this time. someone caught her kissing in front of our flat's door and heard various 'suspicious' sounds from her room. i didnt hear it myself, so i didnt take this seriously. then she became so big headed. she accused several new students for something bad, like accused them for being berlagak for their richness (??) or trying to steal someone's bf etc. curiously, all of these victims of her are beautiful girls (hmm..). and she started to bully other girls as well like asking them to go student office, which is quite far, to pay for her flat rent. and she started to act weird as well. she started to go out with other guys, i mean 1 to 1 dates, and she told me it was entirely innocent and asked me to tell her current bf at that time that she wasnt home. in other words, she asked me to lie to her bf. hmm... i guess it was my fault too, cos i was being too ignorant. i hate lying, it is not a good thing, and being asked to lie for somebody else..i dont like it even more. fine, i did that for her, one, becos i trust her, second, i dont want to invite more questions or prolong conversation.

and she became weirder and weirder. and had an even bigger head. she acted as if the whole house was hers. lots of things happened and i dont want to sound childish here by mentioning every small details that happened. do you want to know when did i realise my foolness? it was when she, me and this new girl, s, who just came to uk for several month and lived with us, had a 'discussion'. she accused s for being berlagak, saying that s berlagak over brands and her richness. hmm..i lived with s as well and knew her and we went out sometimes too but how come i didnt realise this? hmm. this so called discussion took place in my room, as s, confused about the accussion, went to see her and me in my room. i remembered she sat on my bed, me on my bean bag, and s who couldnt stop crying and sat on the floor near the door. s kept on apologizing and crying, i started to feel sory for s, but she just sat firmly on the bed without a smile at all. at that time, it suddenly clicked. i said to myself 'hei, look at this, one girl crying and apologizing, and the other girl just sat on the bed with an ignorance face and continued saying bad things to the other girl and said 'FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I AM RICH', even a blind person knows who is right and who is being big headed'. i started to think and asked myself to stop being ignorant and blind. and thank god. i later become a very good friend with s and she is one of the most wonderful person that i ever knew.

and she become worse and worse. she broke up with her bf and coupled with the guy who she secretly dated at her bf's back. and this happened several times, with 4 different guys, can you believe that? like she secretly dated b at a's back, then dump a and coupled with b. then she secretly dated c at b's back, then dump b to be with c. then she secretly dated d at c's back, dump c to be with d. bizzarre wasnt it? well, i know some people are not that lucky in relationship, but if it's 4 boys in 4 years, that is no one's fault but hers. fine, fine, you might say i am jealous with her for having lots of secret admirer and i dont have that, but believe me, i dont. i really dont. although she once accused me, her trustful friend who stood by her all this time, for being jealous of her having all this attention from the boys, i really dont. i was heartbroken when she accused me for that. i thought i was her friend. and that all the things that i did for her, it was based on trust and friendship. she's a changed person. she keeps on telling other people about the 'true' meaning of friendship and trust, but when actually she doesnt know anything about it. she assumes being friends are when somebody will do ALL things for her, like carry her shopping bags, wash her pans and plates, lie for her and keep on agreeing with her, no matter whether she's right or wrong. for me, a friend is someone who will stand by you and will smack you hard if you do wrong things. a friend is someone who you would like to hear their news and whereabout. not just becos they have an apartment in london and that she can used it when she come to london. or not just becos they are less than you eg less pretty, have bigger body size etc so that you can feel better about yourself when you hang around with that friend. being friend is about honesty. like, if your friend want to terjun lombong, dont go and terjun too, that stupidity. advised her to not terjun, drag her if you must, or give her a hard smack at the back for being foolish to want to terjun lombong. being a friend is not all about agreeing what they said, it's about being with them and correct them over their stupidity. harsh, but that is what a friend is for

and you know what? her housemates move out of their house every year, not just that, but all of her ex housemates complained about the same thing. even a blind and deaf person knows who is wrong and who is right

after knowing this girl, and not liking, or more, hating her, and she keeps on telling other people that she and i are friends, that's annoying. i'm really annoyed of this, especially when she used this blog of mine to keep up to date about me and used it to tell other people that we are friends becos she knows this, this and this about me. fuck off bitch

i lost my purse.

my new black leather square purse which mama bought me last summer.

along with abah's credit card, my solo and switch, my vodafone topup card, my mas enrich card, my examination card and 25 quids.

luckily i had my student card in my coat as i used it earlier to enter the library.

it was my fault mainly, but of course the person who took it was to be blamed as well.

it is pointless to write about the whole accident, basically i carelessly left my purse unattended for less than 10 minutes and the rest is history.

honestly, i am pissed, right to this very moment. i have never lost a purse before. this is personal stuff. i am sad mainly because of 2 things; one, there is abah's credit card inside. i respect this guy. he is the person who i look up the most. and making him angry or dissappointed is the last thing in my mind, especially after he trusts me by giving me his credit card. second, the purse was a gift from the person who i love most in this whole world. it was her purse initially, but she gave it to me. it meant a lot to me. a lot.

i'm crying over my lost purse. let me be.

this might not sound appropriate, but my mind like to hop from 1 topic to another, sometimes with no connection or reason at all. here goes:

period pain. adoi, ni la akibatnye ngidam nenas last saturday, i ate the whole biji on my own. the next day, yup, overflowding menstruation (i tried to write this as polite and appropriate as possible haha). ari ni gak, takleh concentrate whatsoever kat kelas, nasib tade kelas petang..

hate new shoes, always melecetkan kaki. always. always. damn. clarks or no clarks, samo je

M&S plum i like

damn mark darcy. why does he has to be so nice? guys like that are non-existance i tell you huh. i watched bridget jones 2 yesterday with my housemates. it was hilarious, personally i think it was a good movie. except rene zelwenger's acting was a bit weird, dono. i give the movie 7 out of 10, which i think is quite high for a chick flick movie which i dont usually prefer. hugh grant was with his usual charm, but the hero of the day was colin firth (who?) yup, he's a british actor, and i'm not a british guy fan, and will never do... err..that was my initial thought..b4 watching this movie! he plays mark darcy, a big lawyer who loves the clumsy bridget. dah la macho, smart gile ngn suit die, handsome, macho + lagi, cool, matured, hulk <-- nice body huh, tall and macho++++ lagi!!! waaa...cair...i enjoyed the whole movie. but then a weird thing happened when the movie finished. i felt sad, and empty. and i wish i didnt watch the movie earlier. i wish i watch the movie with azali. sob sob miss him. tape, i just talked to him just now, and he promised to watch the dvd with me in malaysia :)

i should have gone to the library this afternoon if it was not because of my tummy pain and feet. arghh waste some more time.

it's pretty damn cold outside, or is it just me? sejok gila.... think i'm going to get flu..runny nose, sore throat...

i'm going to sambut raya this sunday in a stadium! haha. thanks to ct and yus, they managed to get me a ticket to watch newcastle united match against manchester united this sunday. and i dont know anything about football, i tell you. nope, not even the players' names. ronnie wayne, maybe, that's all. hmm..alan shearer? who else who else...maybe i'll visit both teams' websites later to, at least, know the names of the players, or i'll annoy someone on that day for asking too many questions....

spent some time with mu' on saturday and sunday. she was my classmate back in mrsm taiping. i never realise how funny and nice she was until i met her again last year. we werent that close back then, no one's fault. dono. i wasnt close to anyone back then. maybe it was my fault..?

have i changed? i honestly dont know. i met my recent circle of friends after i came to newcastle, ie 4 years ago. so basically i cant ask them whether i have changed or not. so i ask mu'. she said i changed 360 degrees from the old me that she knew 7 years ago. what?? i never realise that. is it because of the scarf-less me? or maybe because i wear lipstick now? has my style changed? well, you cant expect me to wear kurung + tudung tutup dada + black stoking + black shoes like in taiping, can you? mama said i changed a lot after meeting azali. hmm..tak perasan plak, but since she has mentioned about it, yup, i think i do changed. i talk in a nicer and softer way, i guess. and i start to respect people more. and appreciate ppl more. and i am more considerate. and i think i smile a lot more after i met him... :)

naruto..bile la manga die nk kuar? ceh after elina pie glasgow, i'll be watching naruto anime alone ceh ceh. be strong naruto, and pie bantai sasuke. kakashi, get a gf haha. sakura, i hope you grow up and be mature and stop crying over sasuke.

bile la elina nk pangge tgk smallvile? hmm

hmm..think i should stop now. and do some reading. should ask ct someday to help me practise my examination. i hope she doesnt mind, but she's final year, must be quite bz huh? hmm..

i did all these in 1/2 an hour. see how my mind keep on hopping from 1 topic to another? man this is exhausting..

i know i should have slept now, it's half one in the morning, but i am tempted to write my blog. i'll try to finish this asap as i need to go to work and cook laksa for 9 ppl tomoro for buka posa.

it had been very cold here in newcastle for these past few days . i tend to have some nagging pain at my shoulders everytime i feel cold. i cant even put a tiny handbag on my shoulder as it hurts so much. that's why i dont like winter. besides that, i cant wait for the snow. hihi i know it's quite early to expect for snow, but i'm pretty sure time will fly quickly and before you know it, it's christmas hehehe.

ct cooked some delicious food today for buke posa. her ayam kicap + chillie was soo good, and i ate sooooo much. yum yum. plus her choco cake some more waaa.. she cooked and baked for amelin's birthday which is today. after eating, we played harry potter's trivia board game, which the old house tenant had left behind. we had such a good laugh playing the game which required good knowledge of harry potter 2. ha ha, let me re-remind you, yus..me and shanti won 6 games over 4!! haha. saje nk kacau die haha. we really had some fun tonight. i felt so blessed having a brunch of nice friends here :)

tomoro i'll be cooking for them. my initial plan is to invite mu' to my new house and have a nice chat with her to catch up some gossips about our previous school. but since elina will be moving to glasgow soon for her work placement and she keeps on telling me how she misses laksa, and ct had cooked for the whole house today, so i think i might just as well cook for everybody tomoro. i like to cook, but my main concern is that i never cook laksa before. well, i think i'll stick to the recipe book precisely hehehe.

i received my first kad raya today! it's from jiman, my dearest bro. siap music2 lagi hehe. he's such a thoughtful brother. i just sent him a present yesterday; it's an organiser. he'll be graduating soon, ie next march for his degree, and will become Kapten Ridzman soon. waa..he'll continue the family tradition i assume, as my dad used to work for TUDM as well. wish jiman the very happiness in life :)

i hope to receive some kuih raya from my mum and azali soon. cant wait for tat nenas! i'm not sure what will azali send me, but as long as it's kuih raya, makan je. kad raya? last year azali sent me a card which is soo jiwang2, it made me laugh my head off so dont think he'll send a jiwang2 card this year. but never say never. die tu bukan leh pakai hehe

think i'm off to bed now. waaa..my night light had burnt yesterday and i forgot to get another one. how can i sleep without a night light? hmm..there is always the study lamp hehe

good nite everyone! have a nice weekend :)

adoi kenyang nyer..burpp..heheh excuse me aa. i just ate the whole garlic bread and a can of sweet corn plus a mug of warm decaf nescafe. the garlic bread was supposed to cook in the oven, but naturally, i wasnt patient enuff to wait for my food (10 minutes je dhoh..tak sabo gile) and put the bread into the microwave instead! haha. well i'm pretty sure the bread has been cooked b4 it got freezed, so no worry about makanan mentah. but the bread was surely liat! haha. and ate sweet corn directly from the can? it's so typical me haha. ok kot for tomoro. if lapar lagi, there are chocolates! haha. although in the past i tend to diet, like eat boiled brocoli for several months (sad isnt it) but now i'm not that fussy about my body size. of course la as a normal girl you tend to worry when your fav shirt or jeans begin to tight, but alhamdullillah, it doesnt happen that often. tho i still wish to fit into my levi type1 jeans size 26 like i used to...

here are some random things that keep on bugging my head:

• dreamt of azali's mum last night. it wasnt scary, she was nice in that dream (i only met her twice). she hugged me and wished for my wellbeing. nice one :)

• i have a dry cough for several weeks now. it's kinda embarrasing when you cough while you meet your patient. since i cant drink, the cough keeps on and on for several minutes. kat umah takmo batuk plak sih

• my mock test is next week. surprisingly, i'm not that worried. it's not overconfident you see, but i think i manage my time well (well, that's what i think..yup..maybe i AM overconfident dhoh) for these past few weeks

• worried about mara. i'm scared to call or email them about my scholarship. for these past few month, i rely totally on my dad. dont like it. think i'll send mara an email after this. i've already sent and faxed the particular details to them a couple of months ago, but i think i should ask them anyway

• think i'll lose my close fren soon. well, i dont think i'll lose her, she's just moving away. she ain't going anywhere far, just to glasgow, but that is still quite far from newcastle, and she'll be very busy soon. hilang geng kat sini. oh i'm just being selfish again. i'm truly happy for her to get the job. hei, be thankful, at least she's in glasgow, not malaysia! haha, guess i'll be visiting glasgow more often then. oh i'm just being sentimentol again haha

• think my pms is over now. okey la tu. having pms, then somebody calling you 'stupid' and 'bitch' is SO not good. my anger was sooo up to the roof. then somebody forced me to get into her car..is like tuang minyak gas 1 kole to my so-called api kemarahan. then somebody kept on 'bombarding' my phone to apologise, is like..tuang minyak 1 tong. then somebody sent a txt wrote 'oh i used to call my close frens stupid and bitch all the time, it was a joke, and i consider you as one of my close fren'...ARRGHHH..it felt like somebody tuang minyak gas 1 lori!!... and then somebody kept on tuang minyak lagi and lagi and lagi and lagi and that somebody was the same annoying girl from my hosp group. first, i dont like to be forced..pekak ke..how many times do i have to tell you? two, when i'm angry, just leave me alone and dont try to apologise. three, dont send me stupid txt and four, I'M NOT YOUR CLOSE FREN, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE

• i wonder why 6 out of 7 blogs by med students write about medicine? like stuff on the hosp/clinic etc that they did that day? mmg chenta hati betul ngn medicine huh. wish i can be like that. i like medicine (i think..hmm more like i hope..) but surely i'm not obsessed with it. oh well, it's their blog anyway

• azali is 11 000km away from me. FACT

• havent seen azali for 2 months and 10 days. FACT

• hari raya is next week. and i dont feel a thing

think i need to sleep now. have a glass of milk every night b4 i sleep, it helps me wake up in the morning, seriously...

emo..emo..emo..go away please..feeling sad, and sad, and sad, and sad again..over stupid things..stupid..cant control my emotion now..excessively emotional..i hate losing control..stupid me :(

need to shut myself out from the outside world