1/21/2004 05:42:00 PM 0 Comments »
...just made a decision today. i'm scared, yet determined. i dont know what i want to do, but i know what i dont want to do. i've been trying to DO this, since last year, and i'm not kidding, yet no one take me seriously enuff. satu pihak ni keep on telling me to carry on, carry on, carry on...i shouldnt have listened to them! such a waste, now i lost a year of my life! another pihak ni super duper motivated. positive thinking la..with usaha + tawakal + doa..everything can come true. you know what, I DONT BELIEVE THAT ANYMORE! bullshit. bende tu lah yg actually brought me to my current situation now. then another pihak plak..too anxious, kelam kabut, think think think bla bla bla tak paham ape mende bla bla bla me being a DIFFICULT and STUBBORN child and always will be bla bla bla scolding me bla bla bla. i'm sick of it!

and this damn fucking landlord, keep on phoning and ringing on our door. hell knows what he's up too, i'm not in a very, what i might say, 'pleasant' mood, esp to this stupid landlord. he actually helped himself in, and knocked on my room (!!) hell knows what i was going to do to him if he manage to meet me in my current condition (the least i can do is to SHOUT rite onto his bloody face, imagine lah the rest..hint homicide..). thankfully, my door suddenly tak leh bukak, well i dont know what actually happen since i was on the bed, sitting, with my back towards the door. if only, if only he actually talk to me rite now, he would have wished to have never been borned, at all! i think God still has mercy on him, that's why my door cant be opened.

well, i've made my decision. as my counsellor said, everybody is scared rite now. i mean, everbody in my life lah. but who will be scared the most! ME! cause it's my damn, good-for-nothing life!...what a messed life i have...and dont you tell me about other ppl's life being messier bla bla bla not grateful bla bla bla..cause i know, aware and hate it when somebody reminds me the thing that i already know.

yada yada yada..me being angry again. and stubborn. STUBBORN. who actually create this fucking word? well, i guess ppl like me lah. who is stubborn. angry+stubborn.

IT'S MY DAMN FUCKING LIFE! me..being angry and stubborn, as well as...selfish